Bladder infection. 10 day course of IV antibiotics. When asked about oral antibiotics, was told that they are unreliable in treating a neonate. If he hadn't have had the high blood pressure reading, they would never have looked for it, and he would have been home already.
I don't see why we can't have something go our way for once. Is this what my life will be like from here on out?
I just needed to keep them in for two more weeks, and life would be so different for them. For us. They would have been home a long time ago. I would be a mom. Now, I am just a visitor. I hate it.
I am not in a good place right now.
It is hard to be optimistic about things when you get railroaded at every turn.
Please don't say that it is good that they found this now and not after they came home. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that they will be home soon. It feels like they will never be home, and I am wallowing in my own self pity right now.
You're more of a mom than anyone else so please don't think anything else. No matter what, these babies NEED YOU. You are the only person in their lives that they will ever call mom.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about this latest bump. Wallow wallow- you hve every right. I wish I could send you a huge vat of ice cream and chocolate bars and just hang out on the couch and be an ear for you to vent to.
Doesnt change things but you and these babies are always in my thoughts....
I think that you might need to remove yourself from the situation from your perspective and look at it from your sons perspective. He is the one still in the hospital, he wanted to come home too and is extremely disappointed. You must be strong and positive for him. I truely believe babies, even preemies, can sense how an adult feels. Maybe in some way he can't leave his brother behind. Maybe in some even stranger way they want to be together, even if it is in the hospital. nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, all preemie moms know that, but put your feelings on hold and be there for sons for right now.
ReplyDeleteI hope I didn't offend you but you don't sound like you are asking for happy thoughts! Just sharing a message I recieved from a nurse shortly after delivering preemies. Yes, I'm kind of chicken**** and posting anon!! Sorry!
I'm sorry !
ReplyDeleteUgh... how frustrating!! I'm sorry things did not go as you had hoped. I would be upset too, if I were in your shoes. To be sooooo close.... then told no. That has to hurt (no matter how good the reason) :(
ReplyDeleteHang in there... eventually (sooner than later I hope) all the pieces will come together.
We're here for you.
ReplyDeleteWhen do they think Shawn can come home? Will they "maybe" come home at the same time? Is there anything else you can do at home to get ready? The last few weeks I decided to frame some pictures for their room and paint their names on wooden letters. Running around town and working on these last minutes unnecessary projects took my mind off of waiting.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both chickie... Self pity only does so much good though. Hopefully you'll find the strength to hold on a little longer. It sure would suck for you to loose all hope just before your babies were home.
ReplyDeleteI Cannot Imagine how you feel - you and hubby have been going through this grinding hospital ordeal for so long now. Feel free to wallow a bit longer, and then get up and make it through a few more days. According to my own Mom, that's what Mom's do - whatever it takes.
This whole thing just sucks. It's so unfair and I wish there was something I could do to just make you feel better for like 5 minutes. But I know there isn't. I would never try to cheer you up, because you need to be angry and upset and get it out. Just know that I think it sucks to. And I would be pretty pissed and upset if I were you. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou are entitled to all the self pity you want right now. I am really really sorry that once again you have hit a brick wall. It is completely unfair for you and for the boys. I hope one day hitting all of the roadblocks will end for you and for Shawn and Jason. I am just so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm very, very sorry, babe. Honest.
ReplyDeleteAny news on Shawn, is it possible he may be ready to come home soon?
Stacie I have no idea what this must be like for you ... I imagine like a form of torture, and the possibility they will come home soon lke some kind of freakin dangling carrot. Ugh. I'm so sorry .... I hope the next few days bring new resolve and wonderful news.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. xoxoxoxox
Stacie,
ReplyDeleteOnce again I feel your pain. It's just so hard to be this close and not be able to take your babies home. I know what you mean about hearing that it's best they found it before you went home. That may be true but it doesn't not lessen the pain one tiny bit. We were told yesterday that our daughter needs a MRI before they will send her home and it was just another blow. I hate the rollercoaster.
You are not alone. :hug: