It's raining here today. The gloominess is perfect, reflecting my mood and the heaviness I feel. I am sad today. Sad, sad, sad.
Seek something long enough, hard enough, and you're bound to find it. I suspect that they weren't going to stop until the found something anyway. Well, they found traces of protein in Jason's urine analysis. Bladder infection is the thought. There is some chance that this was because it wasn't a clean collection, so they took another sample by catheter. (Why not? It isn't like Jason complains much.) We'll know tomorrow if he does have the suspected infection. If yes, that means 7-10 days of IV antibiotics. In the hospital. February at the earliest.
With the way things are going lately, I suspect the results will say that he has "something" and they'll treat him "to be safe." What is another 10 days to them? So what that a little piece of me crumbles away with the tick of each second.
The doctor said if they don't find an indication of infection in this test, then he can go home tomorrow. Again, not holding my breath. Our luck just hasn't been holding up that well.
He has no symptoms. Eats well. No fever. No indications of trouble. Except that stupid high blood pressure reading that one time.
I can't go there today. I can't. But I have to.
Another baby leaves tomorrow, and it won't be mine.
And it hurts.
Stacie -
ReplyDeleteCan you call the hospital later on tonight to get the test results? Because no way is it going to take them until tomorrow to know if he has a bladder infection. And maybe babies are totally different, but in adults a bladder infection has nothing to do with a high blood pressure. At least not that I've ever heard of. Typically an infection lowers blood pressure and raises heart rate.
If you can find out ahead of time it may help you know what to expect. I don't think you should give up hope yet.
I'm with you in spirit, honey. And I'm sending all my good thoughts your way.
It's increasingly hard to read....can't imagine how hard it is to actually live it. I'm so sad for you. It's been such a long road honey.
ReplyDeleteOne day this will all be behind you. Soon.
AARRRGGHH!!!! How frustrating is that? I'll be praying tonight that there's no infection and that Jason goes home tomorrow. Have they said anything about Shawn yet?
ReplyDeleteOh Stacie,
ReplyDeleteI so, so feel your pain. :cry: The end is the hardest part. I look at all the things I have ready for my baby and my heart aches that she's not here.
I know exactly how you feel. :hug:
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. You're right--to the doctor, it's just 10 days. For you, it's a piece of your heart. It is so hard to have your children in the NICU. I'm sending good thoughts that they come home soon.
ReplyDeleteMy words can't fix your sadness and I won't try to- You have every right to be sad and miserable. This isn't fair and there always seems to be someone yanking that dangliing carrot away from the hungry bunny. But I will tell you this- You and the boys have overcome so much already and it has made you stronger than you know. 10 days of waiting is hell but it is worth a lifetime of your son's health and company. And you will get that- from both of these boys. Be positive and stay strong- you will get through this and you will be the one beaming when you finally leave that hospital for the last time- and that day is coming!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNo, it may not be your child leaving tomorrow- but it will be soon. I hope there is no infection so that he can go home. If he does have one- its best he stays there until it clears up. Sending you {{{{{love and hugs}}}}
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Stacie. May you close your eyes and open them to homecomings and happiness.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't you treat him at home ?