I think I've come to terms with the whole prematurity thing, and then a new complication arises that makes me hate my body all over again for failing them in such a spectacular way.
Nothing has to be decided right now, but decisions will need to be made eventually. Decisions with no clear cut right or wrong, only maybes and possibilities of both good and bad. Of causing more harm when trying to help. Of some kids having no issues, while maybe just as many kids do. It could mean everything, or in the end, make no difference at all.
This is the shitty part of being a parent, this knowing that what you decide may be the wrong choice.
It's terrifying.
And as much as I am trying to not think about it, I can think of nothing else.
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Ugh. So sorry Stacie. Unknowns can be so frustrating and terrifying. I hope you are able to get some answers/information that help make your decision easier to make.
ReplyDeleteHolding you in my heart as you make those hard decisions.
ReplyDeleteBeing a parent is terrifying enough, without having to make the extra decisions you are faced with. I know you will choose the path that will be the best one for your kids. If it doesn't work out exactly how you want, who's to say the other choice actually would have been better? That's something that will never be known. What I do know for sure though, is that you love your boys more than anything in this world and you are the absolute best mom for them. Hugs as you love forward.
ReplyDeletesending hugs ... I'm in a similar situation (hard decisions after getting new information, feeling intense pangs of grief ...) so hard. I haven't had the strength to blog about it all.
ReplyDeleteHang in there ... you are one amazing mama, don't forget that!
That sounds complex and draining. Wishing you and your boys the best.
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