Thank you for all of your kind words. I must admit that it makes me a little teary when I read such nice things. I have a habit of being incredibly hard on myself, so when people are stupid and say hurtful things, I take them to heart and continue to beat myself up over it all.
Note to self: must work on confidence this year. I am smart enough, a good mommy, and doggonnit, people like me.
Okay.
It hurts to hear others say things like that horrible woman. No one wants to hear others talk about her loved ones.
I suppose the thing that threw me for the loop was that she thought he was special needs by just looking at him. Sure, I know he has challenges and all, but I didn't think that he looks any different than any other baby. So I had been obsessing about how he looks, watching for any sign that would scream "special." Is it the glasses? The way he keeps his hand fisted unless I actively engage it? The bald spot on the back of his head that does nothing to help the Frankenstein scar he has from all of his surgeries? What is it that made her peg my beautiful, brilliant little boy as special needs.
I don't know.
But then I had a revelation. (and I think writing down what happened helped me get there) The point is that I don't care what it was. If I cared, then that would imply that I am embarrassed, ashamed, or insecure about him, AND I WON'T STAND FOR THAT! I WILL NEVER ALLOW MY BOY TO THINK THAT BECAUSE I AM NOTHING BUT PROUD OF HIM!
He truly is a miracle. He proves to me each and every day that he will not be held back because he had a rough start. He fights for everything he does. He is determined. Strong. Smart. Funny.
He is wonderful.
And he is perfect just as he is.
I will not let another person make me feel badly about my baby. I will not be shamed into thinking that he is somehow less because he isn't someone else's idea of "normal." Enough of that shit.
It is time to start celebrating my babies.
2009 will be our year to celebrate.
2009 will be the start of our good health.
2009 will be our year of wonder and joy.
Look out world.
Here.
We.
Come.
Hmmm... I keep my hands balled into fists almost constantly. My Mom said I did this as a baby and even now when I'm sitting, standing.. no matter what, unless my hands are doing something active, my hands' natural resting position is just fisted I suppose... The only "special needs" I have involves am overwhelming craving for chinese food once a week. I cannot explain why I keep my hands like this... It's not out of any physical need. People notice it a lot and comment on why I'm so "stressed"... I quickly unball my fists into a very different one fingered hand gestures. Maybe you could teach Shawn that! LOL ; )
ReplyDeleteDon't sweat it hun. Your babies are beautiful!
I think a person's greatest handicap is their inability to see the gloriousness of each individual.
ReplyDeleteYou have got two beautiful, beautiful boys. There will be trials and tribs along the way but you know what? Ever child has 'stuff' along the way. It's just different stuff.
The nice thing is your boys will not grow up to judge people like that woman did. They will be compassionate and wonderful. Look at their mom!
Cindy
Right on! You've got the right view of things for 2009... it's gonna be great!
ReplyDeleteWOW ! Not only am I bawling, but I felt a burst of positive love and energy from reading your post.
ReplyDeleteI'm SO glad that you have come to a place that you can express such pride and love for your boys.
You are exactly right....they are amazing and should be celebrated.
Wow, that was incredible. I can FEEL your love for your boys just reading that. You are a fantastic Mommy!
ReplyDeletehe is a wonderful, perfect little miracle that is going to do great things in this world! screw that lady. your babies are PERFECT and you are an awesome mommy. Happy 2009!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness that made me cry, and say "Oh sweetheart" to the computer screen.
ReplyDeleteLike you? Stacie, I fucking LOVE YOU.
Also, I need to tell you that I am special needs. I need chocolate, constantly. In a really, really special way.
XOXOXOXOX
I just read your previous post, I'm sorry that you had to come in contact with such an ignorant woman!
ReplyDeleteBe positive and focus on you and your family, the rest doesn't matter.
I struggle with what other people think of my kids too. Well, Daniel anyways. Even more so NOW, since we've added to his freak-show quality.
ReplyDeleteIn my head, whenever anyone says anything, I'm usually thinking about how the people commenting on his "dysmorphism" are pretty odd looking themselves. I think I need to stop being polite to them so that I don't beat myself up in the car on the way home.
Fuck 'em all.