Let's recap the last few days:
- bad dreams - check (involving trying to live in strange people's houses, getting chased by the owners, and having a hard time running away while Sh.awn in my arms. Ja.son is no where to be found in these dreams. Is.aac is hit and miss--he never helps me with Sh.awn in the dreams, even if he is there. Have fun with that all you dream interpreters.)
- sleepiness - check (probably because I can't seem to get a good night's sleep)
- moodiness - check
- constantly feeling on edge - check
- near freak out when Ja.son threw up and developed a fever - check (it was gone in less than 48 hours)
- full fledged freak out when Sh.awn developed a fever - check (lasted around 36 hours off and on - both the fever and the freak out)
- forced myself to take the boys to the fair (and had fun!) because I don't really want to go anywhere - check
- lonliness (even when engaged and surrounded by people) - check
- avoiding the phone - check
- having trouble getting my thoughts out - check (which has made blog posting impossible)
Fun times.
{{{Hugs}}} and be kind to yourself. You have been through a LOT lately.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you. There were too many sad and horrifying things dumped on you all at once, and it's no wonder you have some PTSD. I hope that you are surrounded by the support (both social and professional) that you need, and that if you aren't, there's a way that you can be.
ReplyDeleteplease talk to someone about your feelings. i know when i had my m/c's and even after i had the baby - i had horrific post partum depression. my therapist said hormones do a lot to you during these times. i swear by blue blocking glasses and omega 3 fish oil supplements - my alternative therapist suggested this - and it helped me get sleep and that was the key to getting the ball rolling on getting healthy. sleep is KEY. email me if you want more info or the therapist lady's name - she's got a website and such. newmercedes at gm. ail and i'll get you some info. i so wish someone would have had me try these things before going thru 9 weeks of yucky depression.
ReplyDeletehugs my friend - you are a strong lady. but please take care of yourself.
*glad you and teh boys had fun @ the fair!
julie
((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteit took me months to deal with all of the things that happened last summer.
sometimes it's easier to not deal with it right away because it flippin stinks. (to the max, just didn't want to swear on here..)
Stacie I think you need to seek help from a trained professional.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong and have shown your strength through out all of the adversities life has thrown at you. Even the strongest person needs to seek advice and counseling sometimes though. It doesn't make you less strong...it just helps you to be stronger.
If you won't do it for yourself do it for your family. For your kids. They need their mom present and healthy.
I hope that you get feeling better soon Stace.
Sending you lots of love, good dreams and little pink pills :)
Seems quite a few people in my blogosphere are having these kinds of feelings right now. I really hope things get better for you. Those feelings suck.
ReplyDeleteI think it's only natural that you would feel these things. Give yourself some more time. There is no race to feel better. You will in time.
ReplyDeleteContinue to be kind to yourself.
Carrie
Sending you lots of love and peaceful nights of sleep!
ReplyDeleteYou'll get through this and we'll help you out, hon!
*HUGS*
I have a similar dream where my husband has 'traded' our house for another. Once I had to swim through a lake to get to the front door which was under water! I often dream I can't run to or from something. I don't like those dreams.
ReplyDeleteIf you can take a Ty.lenol PM, just one, do it. That really helps me sleep through the night when I have had several restless nights in a row. Everything looks better after a good night's sleep.
You have a right to be sad, though, so don't fight it, give in and cry. It's ok.
Ugh. I hope things start looking up for you soon. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing you should add one more line:
ReplyDelete- hormone swings due to MC. check?
I'm sure this has been a rough, rough, rough few weeks. I sure hope you are able to pull out of the darkness soon.
I will bet that a LOT of it comes from the PTSD of the past 1 1/2 years of hard times you've had.
If I'm right though, you are on the mend. Keep on truckin'.
Dawn - how could I forget the hormones?! It is making so much more sense now. I was wondering why it was hitting me now, a month after Sh.awn's surgery. It didn't click that there is the big hormone issue to contend with, too. (how could that not even occur to me, seeing how I have started bleeding again and am constantly reminded?) Sigh.
ReplyDeleteYes, PTSD is definitely there. But, when I took a PTSD questionnaire I found online I scored a 14 out of 22, which is much better than the 22/22 I got last year. See, I am improving!
Hormones can totally take a bad situation and make it worse.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. This too shall pass.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...
all those cliche quotes.
Hugs.
I am visiting you for the first time, but I felt compelled to respond to this.
ReplyDeleteI think when we are faced with 'Very Big Things', we tend to go into survival mode, and can't really deal with everything all at once. Then, at some point, those things we have buried start to emerge.
It's not a pleasant feeling, by any stretch of the imagination, and I really hope you feel better soon.
:) ICLW
Oh, honey. My poor husband got a pillow and blanket chucked at him during one of my PTSD episodes. It happens, and you can't do anything about it. You gotta get your catharsis any which way you can. Take your time. We'll still be here.
ReplyDelete