Monday, August 10, 2009

Update

I have to say that I really like my RE. He came in on his day off to scan me yesterday, even though there were others in the practice who could do it and I technically could have waited until today to go in. He said that he didn't want me to have to stay in this limbo forever. Not only that, but he waived the fees for everything yesterday.

The sac looked like it had started to collapse and there was no growth to the fetal pole since last week. There was still no heartbeat. It was pretty clear that things were over. I was given the option of stopping meds and waiting for my body to miscarry or getting meds to speed the process along.

I chose the meds. It's called misoprostol, which forces the cervix to contract and "expell tissue". So...ugh. it makes me sick to think about. (It is also used as an ulcer medication. Kind of a wide range of functions, no?) Anyway, once you take, or um, insert, the medication, it takes 1/2 to 8 hours to do its thing.

I started bleeding yesterday evening. I go back for a blood draw in a week to check levels. If my hcg levels aren't where they'd expect them, then I will have another dose of the misoprostol. They say that this will drop my levels pretty quickly and I should get my period in two weeks or so. Then I can start right back into cycling when I am emotionally ready. At this point, I think I will be ready right away.

I just want to add to our family. Too bad it takes so much crap to get there. Sigh

There is talk of FET for the next round. We shall see if my body likes it any better. My ovaries sure would, seeing how my right one is still the size of a grapefruit right now. I've been assured that as my hcg levels drop, my ovary will go down, too.

Last night was not a night I'd like to relive again, but I am feeling a bit better today. I am still crampy every now and then and feel like I've been hit by a truck. I've also had a few crying spells.

Is.aac stayed home to watch the boys so I have one less thing to worry about today. He's been very sweet, bringing me food and drinks and generally taking care of me.

I am feeling a little stronger today, too. Hoping that each new day brings more strength my way. That's really all I can ask for right now.

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23 comments:

  1. MijkeAugust 10, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    Thinking of you... Wishing you a whole lot of strength!

    And, although it feels a little wrong to say this right now but I'm wishing it anyway, a shitload of luck for your FET cycle, if and when you decide there will be one. You deserve some luck!

    *Hug*

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  2. Melis.saAugust 10, 2009 at 2:20 PM

    ((HUGS))

    It sounds like your RE is very considerate! That's awesome!

    I hope that the cramping isn't too bad and that your period arrives shortly. I'm glad that your dh watched your children so that you could have a little more you time.

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  3. JessAugust 10, 2009 at 2:27 PM

    Thinking of you, Stacie. :(

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  4. UnicornMommyAugust 10, 2009 at 2:37 PM

    I hope this sad chapter of your life is over soon. And you can move on to more positive life changing events.

    I hope this processes isn't hard on your body and mind and God blesses you with a beautiful sibling for the boys.

    Hugs.

    Yeah for Isaac for stepping up to give you the time to heal.

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  5. KristinAugust 10, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  6. traceyAugust 10, 2009 at 3:54 PM

    I am so sorry stacie! I was out on vacation and just got back last night. I just checked on you and read this.. I feel your heartache my friend and I wish you didn't have to be in such pain.... HUGS

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  7. MichelleAugust 10, 2009 at 3:54 PM

    I'm so sorry Stacie. Just keep in mind there is a pot of beautiful precious gold at the end of the tunnel.

    I must tell you, I am very jealous at the fact you get to try again. I wish we had IVF services here on Guam. I so badly want to add to our family.

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  8. Janet's pageAugust 10, 2009 at 3:57 PM

    you sound ok dear, fragile but ok.....

    Take a breather, regroup..

    Still praying........

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  9. edenlandAugust 10, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    Brownie points for Isa.ac.

    You WILL add to your family, StayLow. I just hate that it is so very painful a journey. The more pain that gets carved into your soul, the more capacity for joy you have. (I'm parahrasing a quote here).

    Thinking of you, sweet one. And all the hope your frozen embies hold.

    XOXOXOXOXOXO

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  10. PJAugust 10, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    I hated the misoprostol because I felt like I was doing it to myself. But I also didn't want to be at work or something and have it happen and I wanted it to be over with so that I could move on.

    In January when I miscarried at 8 weeks with misoprostol, it took 38 days to start my period again. In June, it took about 30 days, although I spotted a bit for about a week beforehand.

    It's really a crappy thing to endure. I hope that you are able to move on quickly and cycle again soon.

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  11. Carrie27August 10, 2009 at 5:26 PM

    So glad you had Isaac home with you so you could truly rest and take care of you.

    Sending more and more hugs your way.

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  12. julie2007August 10, 2009 at 5:43 PM

    i am your biggest fan - you are amazing! i so very much want to get right back up there on that horse and try again too - but i have so much fear of M/C.
    i hope you are taking some time to take care of yourself -it sounds like isaac is doing a great job too!
    hugs to both of you -- i am a believer - it will happen for you!

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  13. NearlydawnAugust 10, 2009 at 6:55 PM

    So sorry. I was sure hoping you and your family could have an easy ride this time.

    Hugs.

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  14. KristenAugust 10, 2009 at 7:27 PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Stacie. Many thoughts and prayers to you. XOXO

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  15. Beautiful MessAugust 10, 2009 at 7:27 PM

    I'm sending lots of love and strength.
    *HUGS*

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  16. K J and the kidsAugust 10, 2009 at 9:06 PM

    quick, give me your addresss....I'm totally sending you some pink pills. and a note that says, wash down with a bottle of whatever you have that has a percentage on it.
    I just want to do something Stacie.
    I wish I could take some of your pain away.

    Again your strength shines through.....looking ahead already. No signs of defeat here. You are my idol.

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  17. CocoAugust 11, 2009 at 7:22 AM

    I can't believe how strong you sound already, Stacie! You are an amazing woman. I def. look up to you. I will keep praying for you!

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  18. The Madeira TripletsAugust 11, 2009 at 8:23 AM

    Oh, hon, I'm so sorry to hear that the sac had started to collapse. What a wonderful doctor to have done the final scan himself. Misopristol isn't fun--it gave me lots of back cramps that were really helped by a heating pad and a bath and tylenol. Pretty much 2 days of UGH.

    Sending tons of hugs your way!!!! I wish we lived closer. I would bring you something special in the baked goods department :D

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  19. KateAugust 11, 2009 at 10:36 AM

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through this! Sending hugs and love your way!

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  20. DoraAugust 11, 2009 at 11:31 AM

    Damn, I'm sorry.

    Re the FET, if your RE will allow it, I highly recommend doing it without lupron. I did 2 FET, one with lupron, etc., and one with just estrace, the progesterone started just before transfer. The non-lupron cycle was SO much easier physically, and the estrace suppressed my ovaries just fine.

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  21. AzaeraAugust 11, 2009 at 4:26 PM

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.. I wish there was more I could say or do for you.

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  22. TrishAugust 11, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    I'm so sorry you're going through this again.
    I did hear something recently about FETs having better successes simply because they freeze the best, strongest embies.

    Still thinking of you..

    --Trish

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  23. EileenAugust 12, 2009 at 8:44 AM

    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you having gone through it twice myself. *BIG HUGS*

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