Friday, October 2, 2009

Sucker Punched

Remember my guess that the boys' therapist had a miscarriage back in August, right around the same time as mine? It turns out that I was right. I had never really had the chance to talk to her about it because school had started and therapy was at my mom's house rather than at mine. (I still haven't told my mom all the stuff that has happened, and I have not confessed that we are doing treatments again. I haven't told anyone but the therapist actually. Not even really sure why I told her? Maybe because she happened to be there that day when I got the beta results? I don't know.)

Anyway, today we had a few minutes alone, so she took the opportunity to ask me about being pregnant. I am sure she knew that I wasn't because let's face it, it would be hard to hide a fifteen week pregnancy on me, but she asked anyway. I briefly told her what happened to me after she confirmed that she had miscarried, too.

What I wasn't prepared for was hearing that she is now 8 weeks pregnant. She was able to get pregnant again a mere two weeks after her miscarriage.

Hearing that news was yet another punch in the gut, made even worse by the fact that I am once again waiting for my stupid period. A period I wish would never come. A period that I know will.

It just pisses** me off all over again.

**I can't quite pinpoint a word or phrase that accurately relates my emotion about the unfairness of it all. "Pisses" just seems too benign, too common to really express what I am feeling.

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I still haven't heard from the RE, which is a bit uncharacteristic of him. He always calls. I guess I am going to have to break down and call there. I just don't want to until I have something I can act on--you know, like a period. This sitting around waiting is not easy for me to deal with lately.

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Work has been...hard. I am officially overwhelmed. The five preps, the late nights, coordinating and planning, and several students with some serious behavior issues (who are all in the same class, and if I hear that I am the only one who can handle them one more time I am going to explode!) are starting to take their toll on me. The sad thing is that it's only been six weeks since school started! I am in trouble.

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7 comments:

  1. AzaeraOctober 3, 2009 at 7:27 AM

    *hugs* I can't believe they would stick you with all the kids with behavioural issues in one class. That doesn't seem fair. Do they at least have EA's with them to help deal with the behaviour? That sounds like too much stress for one person especially someone who is already under enough stress.

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  2. Lollipop GoldsteinOctober 3, 2009 at 7:38 AM

    No good words; just a hug.

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  3. K J and the kidsOctober 3, 2009 at 9:44 AM

    Am off on my numbers ? Aunt Flo is just about to stay her week at my house.....THEEEEN I send her to your house. Remember ?
    Her things have started arriving and I believe she will be here full forced tonight or tomorrow.
    She stays for a FULL 7 days before I kick her ass out....so I'll be sure to send her your way.
    In the meantime. Enjoy those short trips to the bathroom :)

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  4. Melis.saOctober 3, 2009 at 1:11 PM

    my exSIL went on and on about how she "had to get everything ready for the baby" THE DAY I TOLD HER I HAD MY 2nd MISCARRIAGE.

    i know, it's so hard to define how precisely the blow hurts and where and what it does...

    ((HUGS))

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  5. Circus PrincessOctober 4, 2009 at 2:22 AM

    Sorry about the crappy news. Thought you might need a little pick-me-up: http://circuschildren.blogspot.com/2009/10/for-me.html

    BIG HUGS

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  6. Janet's pageOctober 4, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    Apparently she starts at my house and goes to K's then on to you and boy did she kick my ass this month!!!!
    Be careful what you wish for ;-)

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  7. Carrie27October 5, 2009 at 9:28 AM

    Waiting and the unknown are my two enemies.

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