Let It Be

2 more sleeps.

All thoughts of keeping myself occupied so I didn't have to think about Friday have gone out the freaking window.

I have cleaned about everything in the house that can be cleaned.

I have organized.

I have shopped.

I have Facebooked.

And now...there isn't a whole lot more to do but wait.

Ahem.

As you know, I don't do waiting well. Waiting brings out the crazy in me. Ha. Who am I kidding? The crazy has been here the whole time.

I am beyond excited about Friday. The possibility and hope of what could be--that I so very want to be is enough to make me cry.

Yet at the same time, I want to run from Friday and never look back. This ultrasound fills me with such an intense, paralyzing fear.

We are checking for viability. There is the chance this will not be my happy ending once again. For someone with my history, I'd say the chance is pretty good. I think about last year and remember that dead screen, the look on the doctor's face, and the sad tone in his voice--I know how it can be. I am so afraid of how it can be.

I am trying to not think that way, and I certainly try not to dwell on negativity, but the thoughts are there nonetheless.

Sigh.

2 more nights.

2 more mornings.

Approximately 36 more hours.

And then I'll know one way or the other.

Let it be this time...please let it be.

"Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be"