Beach Fun With a Side of Guilt

We did go to the beach this week, and it will go down in the books as a huge success-the boys had a fabulous time.

How could they not?

The weather was beautiful. The water was unusually warm. There were even relatively few people on the beach. You really couldn't get better conditions than what we had.

Jack hit the sand on the beach and bolted for the water. I followed him, letting him run just far enough ahead of me to make him think that he was getting away, but not far enough that I couldn't reach him if I needed. He was in heaven. When we reached the waterline, he immediately plopped himself down in the sand. Within seconds, we both were drenched. Oh how he laughed!

Sh.awn was mister fearless, and I swear if he could have, he would have launched himself into the ocean and swam out to sea. He was living pure joy when that water would splash against his body. When the water would recede, he'd chase it out, making his way farther and farther away from the shore.

Ja.son was more apprehensive. He chose to play in the wet sand at first and would scamper away when the water would get near. His confidence grew as he watched his brothers. I'm sure he figured if they could survive, so could he. Eventually he mustered up enough courage to join his brothers in the water.

So many times I talk myself out of doing things. It's easy to, really, especially when there is the unknown with which to deal. As the boys get bigger, there are more unknowns.

Things are easier in a lot of ways. The boys are so smart and funny. They love doing new things. They get so excited!

But things are more difficult, too. The boys are getting bigger, and the not walking independently is hard. It's hard on my body to lift them and carry them when needed. (Hello, sand. You were quite the challenge for us. My muscles are still protesting all the work they did that day.) Making things accessible for them can take creativity. It always takes planning.

Is.aac and I don't always work well together as a team when we're confronted with unexpected challenges. He stresses. I stress. We bicker.

It's exhausting.

So I talk myself out of things. Make excuses. Put things off.

It's unfair to the boys.

It makes me feel guilty, especially when I see how much fun they have...could have had all along.

Sigh.