Beach Fun With a Side of Guilt

We did go to the beach this week, and it will go down in the books as a huge success-the boys had a fabulous time.

How could they not?

The weather was beautiful. The water was unusually warm. There were even relatively few people on the beach. You really couldn't get better conditions than what we had.

Jack hit the sand on the beach and bolted for the water. I followed him, letting him run just far enough ahead of me to make him think that he was getting away, but not far enough that I couldn't reach him if I needed. He was in heaven. When we reached the waterline, he immediately plopped himself down in the sand. Within seconds, we both were drenched. Oh how he laughed!

Sh.awn was mister fearless, and I swear if he could have, he would have launched himself into the ocean and swam out to sea. He was living pure joy when that water would splash against his body. When the water would recede, he'd chase it out, making his way farther and farther away from the shore.

Ja.son was more apprehensive. He chose to play in the wet sand at first and would scamper away when the water would get near. His confidence grew as he watched his brothers. I'm sure he figured if they could survive, so could he. Eventually he mustered up enough courage to join his brothers in the water.

So many times I talk myself out of doing things. It's easy to, really, especially when there is the unknown with which to deal. As the boys get bigger, there are more unknowns.

Things are easier in a lot of ways. The boys are so smart and funny. They love doing new things. They get so excited!

But things are more difficult, too. The boys are getting bigger, and the not walking independently is hard. It's hard on my body to lift them and carry them when needed. (Hello, sand. You were quite the challenge for us. My muscles are still protesting all the work they did that day.) Making things accessible for them can take creativity. It always takes planning.

Is.aac and I don't always work well together as a team when we're confronted with unexpected challenges. He stresses. I stress. We bicker.

It's exhausting.

So I talk myself out of things. Make excuses. Put things off.

It's unfair to the boys.

It makes me feel guilty, especially when I see how much fun they have...could have had all along.

Sigh.

Weekend Leftovers

Somehow, there are only ten days left until the boys start school. There hasn't been a whole lot of information released about their teacher or Sh.awn's aide yet, and I'm getting a bit twitchy about it.

Is.aac had to go down to file the paperwork so the boys could go back to desired school this year. He got there the day the transfer office opened at 8 am and still stood in line for two freaking hours. It was insane. Even though everyone understood that we intended to go to desired school, the district policy is that you have to reapply for intradistrict transfers every year. The whole thing is so stupid.

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Is.aac and I enjoyed our night sans kids. We went to dinner, spent some time at the county fair, and slept in late. It was bliss.

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Sh.awn was sick, sick, SICK on Sunday night. We debated back and forth about taking him to the ER over concern it was his shunt malfunctioning. We were seriously just that close. By Monday morning, you would have hardly known he was ill. He was a little more tired, but by mid afternoon, he was pretty much back to his old self.

I was relieved when the other two showed signs of being sick Tuesday morning. They didn't get anywhere near as sick as Sh.awn, but at least they were sick (which makes me feel less like it was Sh.awn's shunt that was acting up on Sunday).

We have appointments with the new pediatrician next week just to be sure, though.

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I hate having to go to new doctors. I'd appreciate good vibes.

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This week should be fun. We are going to take the boys to the beach for the first time. Yes, I know I live a mile from the beach, but the beach was never a place high on my priority list when the boys were younger. When Jack came, it seemed even less desirable. So, now we are nearly 7 years into their lives and we have yet to go...until now. Should be fun!

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I'm venturing to work tomorrow to set up my room. I'd like to say that I'll get it all done on one (unpaid) day, but I know better.

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As a treat for myself, I always go get new lettering and borders for the area around my desk. This year I did the same, and while I was at it, I bought a new calendar and some other classroom things that it was time to replace. I got out to the car and noticed every single thing I bought was black! I don't know what that symbolizes about my feelings toward this year, but it can't be a good sign. lol.

Maybe the fact that the lettering does have pretty rhinestones means not all hope is lost? ;)

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Is.aac starts work on September 1. Yea.

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers!

Friday Night Leftovers

Things have been pretty mellow around these parts of late, which is just the way I like it. Is.aac has been amazing at letting me sleep in every other morning, allowing me to catch up (although I swear I will never fully recover) on some much needed rest.

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We just got back from a mini vacation to Sea World. The boys loved it!

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I am desperately trying to ignore the rapidly approaching end of summer vacation. The boys go back on the 20th. and frankly, the prospect of them (Sh.awn) having to adjust to another, longer school day this next year, is wigging me out. When I think about it, I worry about all kinds of transition pains happening because last year's start was very hard.

I go back to school on the 25th. Today was the first day my admin would release our room keys. Many of my colleagues went today to get them. I haven't been able to wrap my mind around classroom setup or lesson planning yet. It will come soon enough.

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In June I signed up for Stitch Fix*. Stitch Fix is the service in which you pay $20 to have a personal stylist choose five wardrobe items for you based on a style profile you complete. If you like anything in your box, the $20 fee is applied toward purchasing the item. If you like nothing, you send it all back and are out only the $20 fee.

Anyway, I got my first Stitch Fix box today. I was filled with excitement when I opened it, almost like a kid at Christmas. lol. I did like everything in the box, but my favorite item was a black and white tie-dye knit shirt. So pretty! Plus, the price tag wasn't awful (under $30), so I don't have to feel guilty. Out of the 5 things, I'm getting two: the tie-dye and a top for work. Sending the things back that I didn't like are easy peasy, too. Yay!

I can't wait for my next box!

*The link to the site is my referral page. If you are interested and would rather not go through my page, here is the regular site. :)

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Ja.son walked by me (yes WALKED!!!!) the other day and jabbed me in the stomach. "You have a baby in there," he said before he walked on into the living room.

Um...wtf? I haven't talked about anything to do with baby to anyone around here, so where did that comment come from?

It's been a rough IF week for me this week, and the timing of that comment knocked the air out of me.. Do you ever have those weeks? They come out of the blue and rock you. It's frustrating as hell because you want to be think hope expect yourself to be past it all and then BAM.

It didn't help that I just donated Jack's crib and maternity clothes. I also started going through all of the baby things to give away. It does make me sad because in that alternate universe I'd have an infant to care for right now.

But I don't have one. It's time to put that behind me.

Then there was a FB announcement from someone. (Most of the time I'm not bothered by announcements anymore.) I got all freaked out and had to find out how old she was because ... well, I don't know why. Maybe to encourage myself if she was really old? If she could do it, so could I?

Sigh.
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I spent the month of July at the dentist. I had a tooth with an old filling crack that needed to be fixed, and it was discovered that two of my three wisdom teeth needed fillings. Because they were located in different spots around my mouth, I had to have a separate appointment for each tooth. Sigh.

Let me just say that I hate the dentist, so much so, that I have horrible stomach issues leading up to the appointments and for days afterward. That has meant that this last month has been rough on my digestive track.

If you can believe it, I lost 4 pounds.

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Things are a go for Is.aac on the job front. He's going to be working as an independent contractor, and they've pretty much accepted what he's said he'll charge. All that's left is details/signatures and he can get started. Whew.

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Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. My mom is going to take the boys over night. We'll have 24 hours of kid free time. It's sad that my first thought is that I get to sleep, right?

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.