Day 8 of Stims

All still looks good. I am stimming at least one more night, although I am reducing menapur to only one vial rather than 2. I go in for yet another scan and more blood work tomorrow, but at this point they "think" I'll trigger tomorrow. Retrieval is tentatively set for Friday at 10:00 am. Again, the blood work and scan tomorrow will be the final determiner in what we do.

Still looks like I'll have approximately the same number of eggs as last cycle. Yeah! Lefty decided it was time to show all her goods, so the RE was able to get a better count.

E2 - 1483 (slow and steady is the way to go)

P4- will find out the number tomorrow.

Now I need to figure out how to get someone to watch the boys on Friday without giving them any actual reason for why we'll both be gone. It is definitely time to get creative. No one in real life knows what we're up to this time. I think I like it that way.

I'll update more tomorrow.

Oh, I have a quick question. The RE measured my lining today and said it was 12 H. He clearly described it as "H" instead of the usual "triple stripe." Any one have any idea what the difference is/what this could mean? I didn't get a chance to ask him today, but hearing something different like that made my spidey senses tingle.

Day 6 of Stims

CD 9

Went in for scan today. I have a lead follie who was making everyone freak a little, but now that my blood work is done, they've all calmed down considerably. Sigh. It was the same way for my other cycles, so I was only mildly concerned.

Anyway, it still looks like there are 10ish follies, although lefty is making things challenging. He keeps wanting to hide his true number. Righty, on the other hand, is going all out and has 7 measurable follies. (hm, the good ovary is connected to the "bad," albeit "unimpressive" tube. it all becomes clear. no?)

So, stick with the same dosages. Next scan is on Tuesday. I'll most likely trigger that night. Retrieval on Thursday?

E2 - 801
Progesterone - 0.6

**In case you're wondering, the lack of lupron/birth control pills tends to make you stim faster than you might otherwise. As it is, I am working pretty much on time with what my natural cycle would be - ovulate around day 13-14. It sure does seem like it is flying by!

Day 4 of stims:

4 days of:

300 go.nal f - mornings
2 vials men.apur - evenings
1 tab dex.amethasone - evenings
prenatals, baby aspirin, and folic acid - evenings

Follie scan today. I have 7 follies that were in the 10-15 range and a few more that were hard to see because my bladder was really full. (WTF? I went just before I walked into the office!) Looks like I'll get somewhere around 10 eggs if my luck holds out, which is the same as I did 2 years ago.

Anyway, I will most likely get to add gani.relix to the mix tonight and go back on Sunday for the next check. Of course, all of that depends on blood work results I'll get when they call me later. May trigger somewhere around Wednesdayish. Retrieval on Friday? We shall see.

Dare I say it? So far, so good. **fingers crossed that I didn't jinx myself**

There is so much about all of this that I had forgotten. I mean, I remembered the gist, but I had forgotten what it is like to actually be in the middle of this stuff--the shots, the bloat, the general feeling like crap, the blemishes, the mood swings (although Is.aac says I am being nicer to him--go figure), the scans with the awful goop, the scary wait for update calls from the nurse, the hurry up and wait, and all the rest.

Now it all came back to me. And I still don't like it.

***edited to add: The nurse finally called. (Really people. Don't you know that late calls make patients sick to their stomachs and get all doom and gloomy?) E2 level is now 284, which "pleased" the RE. Just as planned, I continue stims and add gani.relix. I go for my next scan on Sunday.

On the Third Day of Summer...

...my true love gave to me (well, I gave it to me, but I used the joint bank account, so it feels like he payed. except I make more money. hm. I suppose that should read that I gave this to myself. whatever.), a Shark Steam Pocket floor cleaner. Why I like it:

• It has finally taken up the dried avocado stuck to the floor underneath the boys' high chairs. (What? I already said that cleaning house is not my top priority.)
• You don't have to use any cleaner with it, so I am saving money.
• I didn't even have to bend over to scrub the floor at all.
• In fact, I didn't have to touch the floor at all!
• Sh.awn didn't freak the fuck out when I turned it on to use it--a huge bonus.
• I sure do feel a whole lot better when I see Ja.son and Sh.awn crawling all over the used to be scuzzy floor.

I am in lurve with my new mop. :-)

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...Is.aac took the day off today so I could drive my mom to the airport in peace. I wasn't looking forward to trekking the hour and a half (minimum) to the airport only to turn around and repeat. During their lunch time. And nap time. Instead, I was save by my wonderful husband.

We got to the airport without much problem and she arrived on time (a huge feat of its own for me). I gave her strict instructions to bathe in deet regularly and stay away from ticks. Fingers crossed that she listened.

I am presently going through mother withdrawals which will continue for the next two weeks. Sigh.

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Oh, and

...my FSH was at 8.

...my E2 was at 63.

...my scan showed a pesky remaining cyst.

...and I started stims.

Let the race begin.

It's A Guest Post From My Husband!

The other day I was reading Alexa's blog, Flotsam, and saw that her husband had written a guest post. I mentioned it to my husband but didn't think anything more of it. After all, I mention loads of stuff to my husband, usually only getting an infrequent grunt as response. This time, he listened! Imagine my shock when he suggested tonight that he write a similar post. Once I had picked myself up off the floor, I agreed. So, without further ado, here it is (with the occasional comment from yours truly in blue):

**Children mentioned**

10 Things that people may not know about my wife

#10 - My wife's voice has a magical power over our 19 month twin boys. When she sings, the boys look like a couple of hypnotized cartoon characters that float in the air with a mesmerized look on their faces. (This drives my husband crazy, especially if he's trying to wake up the boys. He can stand right over their beds and holler at them to no avail. I can be on the other side of the house and say their names and their eyes pop wide open.)

#9 - My wife has sub sonic hearing. She can hear through television, crying babies, and other ambient noises to hear the distant beep of a washing machine signaling from across the house. (This is true. My hearing is second only to my sense of smell. Seriously. Anyway, it seems that Ja.son has the same acute hearing. Sh.awn takes after his daddy in this area.)

#8 - My wife is a closet technology junkie. If time allowed, I think she would be willing to try out new technology devices, gadgets, the next facey spaceys (his name for Facebook), twittery tweeter stuff and give her feedback. (What? You know you all are, too)

#7 - My wife loves to read. Books, BLOGS, and most everything except..... instructions. She would rather figure it out as she goes along and somehow, someway, she finds a way to make it work. (Who needs instructions? It usually doesn't take me that long to figure things out, either!)

#6 - My wife has an unusually high tolerance for pain medication. When the veteran anesthesiologist looked genuinely surprised that my wife could still feel sensation when they had administered enough pain medication for someone twice her size, I had to laugh (to myself of course). (Um. It's a gift? Ahem.)

#5 - My wife has a beautiful sense of humor... a little morbid at times, but still beautiful. One of her favorite sources of laughter... scaring me... accidentally mostly. (mostly--NOT!)

#4 - My wife can stop my entire world with a single look and a kiss. (awwww...)

#3 - My wife has super human powers. She once had a wisdom tooth extracted. On the way home from the dentist, the car her mother was driving ran out of gas and my wife managed to push the car all the way to a gas station. (I had to. It was just my mom and I in the car. I couldn't make her do it!)

#2 - My wife can not splel very well. She is exposed to the work of students who misspell so many words that she begins to question her own grasp of the English language. (Now, I can spell "spell." I'm not that bad. But, I do admit that I can't spell for beans.)

#1 - My wife can do just about anything that those people can do on those handyman/woman shows--painting, plumbing, electrical, tiling, woodwork, with a specialty in demolition. (I do like demolition...)

Isn't he wonderful?!!? :-) Thank you, Is.aac!

Things I've Learned

Welcome ICLWers! If you've been here before, welcome back! If you haven't been here before, you can read a far too detailed description of my life in the About Me section on my side bar.

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Hanging in a restroom at work is an inspirational poster entitled, "Things I've Learned." On it is approximately 50 life lessons written by people of various ages. It's been there for years, and I always read a line or two in the thirty or so seconds I have to do my business before the bell rings and have to run back to class. It never fails to make me smile, even on the very worst of days. For this months ICLW, I'll share a few of the things I've learned over the past few years.

I've learned that...

1. ...Pepsi still tastes better than Coke. I keep trying to give Coke a chance to make a better impression, but it still fails miserably.
2. ...chocolate consumption can neutralize a crappy day. The worse the day is, the more I eat, and the better I feel.
3. ...Oreos and milk make a damn good dinner on occasion--like last night.
4. ...bad things sometimes happen to good people.
5. ...even on my worst day, I have it better than someone else; so, I should really stop complaining.
6. ...when I think things couldn't possibly get any worse, they often do. So,
7. ...it is better to not think things could get worse.
8. ...there are lessons to be learned from everyone around us. The hard part is to open yourself up to learn those lessons.
9. ...a lot of times I am far too hard on myself.
10. ...it is okay to not always be perfect. Hard. But okay.
11. ...I don't have to have all the answers.
12. ...my successes and failures have made me the person I am today.
13. ...I just might be an okay person.
14. ...I just might be an okay mother.
15. ...I couldn't have asked for more handsome and brilliant children. :-)
16. ...when you think you've finally got things all figured out, someone will always go and change everything.
17. ...change can be a very good thing, even if it is scary.
18. ...when it comes to choosing between cleaning a messy house or going to the park with your children, there really is no contest.
19. ...if someone comments on your messy house, she really isn't the friend you thought she was. (yes, that happened.)
20. ...my mom is a really good friend when I need her to be and an awesome mom always.
21. ...my husband is perfect just the way he is. (Although I could do without the snoring.)
22. ...changing my perspective about something makes a world of difference.
23. ... for me, infertility hurts just as much after children as it did before children.
24. ...waiting is one of the hardest things to do.
25. ...the blogosphere is filled with wonderful, caring, and beautiful women. I am so glad I found them!

What are a few things you've learned? Leave a link in the comments!

My Children Are Trying to Kill Me and Other Random Stuff

Today alone I have been given a fat lip (thank you, Sh.awn) when I bobbed instead of weaved, had my hair pulled out by the fist full (thank you, Ja.son) under the ruse he was after my headband, slipped into the bathtub part way and ended up drenched (thank you, Ja.son), and got bit (thank you, Sh.awn) because I wiped his face off after lunch. Umm...hello, boys. Shouldn't you be showering me with love and kisses rather than making me flinch when you get near me?

Throw in a handful of tantrums and general hatred toward each other, and you can see we are having a grand ole time here at my house. Part of it is because Sh.awn is finally cutting his molars. Part of it is because Ja.son has reached the stage of complete frustration and impatience whenever something doesn't go his way. All of it is giving me a headache.

I finally gave Sh.awn some Ty.lenol and put them both in bed for an evening nap. They're both quiet now, so they've either fallen asleep, or they are quietly planning my demise. Maybe they are doing both?

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I am finally out for summer vacation! Whoooooot! I am very excited about the prospect of spending some extended quality time with the boys. I see some day trips as well as frequent trips to the park in our future. :-)

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My mom is leaving on Tuesday to visit my grandmother in Arizona. She'll be gone 13 days. I am already starting to freak at the prospect of her being gone that long! Plus, the last time she went to visit my grandmother (although they did go to Michigan together to visit an aunt, but still), my mom came back with Ly.me disease, so I am a little leery of what might happen during this trip. My family always likes to defy the odds and has terrible luck--not a great combination.

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I went coupon hunting again yesterday. I snagged another $75 off of $100! The coupon is already burning a hole in my pocket; a trip to Old Navy is in immediate future. :-)

Pride Part 2

I'm sorry for the silence. The end of the school year is always crazy, and with the added emotional drain of my friend's retirement it has literally wiped me out. Plus, I am the social coordinator at the school (that makes me sound like a cruise director or something) so I have been putting together a memory book and a retirement survival kit for her.

The good news is that I only have one more wake-up until the end of the school year! Whoot. I simply cannot wait to have absolutely nothing to do. Well, with twins there is always something to do, but you get the idea.

But giving you an update on what I am doing is not why I am posting. Oh no. I want to tell you about something far better than that. It's about my little go-getter Shawny Bonny!

One of my biggest fears has always been that Sh.awn's rough start and later very dark days would mean that my little guy would have trouble speaking (an especially scary thought for me when you take the trouble he has with his hand into consideration, which in my eyes made the idea of signing as a form of communication that much more of a challenge). Plus, Sh.awn's major bleed was in the language area in his brain. Yes, I know that a baby's brain is resilient and capable of making new pathways when original pathways are damaged. Still, we were playing a game of wait and see. The longer we waited to see, the more scared I became.

I try to tuck the fear away into a small corner deep in my heart, but it still rears its ugly head on occasion and takes my breath away.

But this week, Sh.awn has once again renewed my faith. It may be scary at times, and the road may be bumpy, but my baby is going to be okay. I truly believe that!

So what has brought this revelation?

He has added four new words to his vocabulary this week alone! Whoot!

He now says:
cookie,
baby (and points to babies in his book),
airplane (and will point to the sky),
bye-bye,
mama,
dada (although he won't say it to Is.aac),
hey,
hi,
no (and shakes his head before he reaches for his glasses. hmmm...),
bottle,
go,
what's that (when he hears something outside),
kiiiii - kitty (and looks for them),
Gracie (when his brother says it first),
night night, and
book.

This, my Internet friends, is huge. HUGE.

From my research, boys should have about 10 words for "normal" range at his age. Did you notice that my guy has more than 10 words? You didn't? Well, let me clarify the number for you. My baby has 16 words.

16!!!!!!!!

Did you hear my contented sigh? I am just so, so proud of my Sh.awn Bon. :-)

Why Is It...

...the second the boys lay down for a nap my husband gets the urge to mow the lawn? Of course the lawn is right under their bedroom window, and he has had hours before nap time to mow the lawn if he really wanted to.

...ten seconds after a child finally falls asleep for said nap, the other child poops and starts crying thereby waking the first child up?

...my husband thinks now that both babies are awake again he should bring up the whole lawn mowing topic?

...I give up and tell him to mow the damn lawn already and shut up about it?

...when you figure out a food that is a hit with your children, the very next time you serve it they throw it on the floor and won't eat it?

...that they have to throw so much food on the floor in the first place? What do I look like? A maid? Apparently so.

...that my boys think that farts are the funniest thing ever? When you protest and tell them how stinky they are (which is a requirement), they think it is even funnier.

...that when they aren't laughing at farting they are laughing at head banging against the sliding glass door in the living room? What can be so funny about that?

...I can't motivate myself to clean my house? Watching the dust bunnies roll down the hallway should be a clue that it is time. But, it isn't.

...that any kind of change now-a-days makes my ass nervous? I never used to be like that!

...that I am so cranky today?

5 Days Until the End

5 more days of school. I can't wait. But, then again, I wish it would never come.

I got news Tuesday that one of my dear, dear friends at work is retiring at the end of this year. I've been walking around in a daze since then. I just don't know how work will be without her. She, another woman, and I are the three amigos--sisterfriends. We email each other at every chance, crack each other up with our snark, and generally support each other through what has been a couple of years of life in various levels of upheaval for all of us. You know how crazy my life has been over the last few years. Their lives have been equally chaotic.

She was the first person I called when my dad died. (and if you can believe this, her mother died on the very same day 12 years before. I didn't know that until afterward.)

She talked me off of the figurative edge several times during those very dark days last year.

My feelings alternate between wanting to avoid her like the plague because to be around her makes me all teary to feeling like I am the poster child for denial. Ugh.

In 5 days everything is going to change...but I don't want it to.

The Big 5...0...0!

I can hardly believe it. This post is numero 500. Who'd have thought I'd have 500 different things to write about when I first started this? Not I, that's for sure.

So, in honor of this momentous occasion (boy, there have been quite a few of those around here lately--has the worm turned?), here are some stats on my blog:

* It has taken me 785 days - 2 years, 1 month, 24 days - to reach this post.

* That is an average of a post every 1.57 days. (go me!)

* My Visitors Come from These Countries:

• United States - 85%
• Canada - 7%
• Australia - 3%
• United Kingdom - 2%
• Germany & South Africa - 1% each
• Plus 30 other countries for the remaining 1%

* I have had 80,759 hits since I started counting them in April 08.

* 19366 of those hits are from unique visitors (since November 08).

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The 500:

500 seconds ago: I picked up Sh.awn's pacifier off the floor, kissed his forehead, and gave it back to him.

500 minutes ago: I was at work, on my prep period, creating a flyer for an upcoming fund raiser. (We're selling leis for the promotion ceremony. I refrained from all kinds of inappropriate comments about "getting lei ed" though. I am quite proud of myself. :-))

500 hours ago: I was annoyed at my husband for trying to teach my children the song, "My Ding-a-ling."

500 days ago: We were celebrating Sh.awn's homecoming from the NICU!

500 weeks ago: It was November, 8, 1999, and I had just started my second year of teaching junior high school. I had been dating Is.aac for 10 years and still had another 3 years to go before we got married.

My 500th picture of the boys:

Me touching Ja.son on November 11, 2007. He was 15 days old.

500 pictures ago:

Feeding the giraffes at the zoo on my birthday, April 18, 2009. I was 37 years old. That tongue still amazes me! (the giraffe's, not mine)

What I would do with an extra $500: I think I would go to Disneyland with my family. Of course I'd need a whole lot more than $500 most likely, but whatever.

With an extra 500 minutes: Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Then clean the house.

Much love to all of you out there. :-)

One More Gush!

He freaking took two "steps" on all fours tonight! Twice!

OMG. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep now!

All Over the Place

Okay. You're having a bad day at work when you hear the kids talking about you in hushed tones. Well, it isn't so much that they are talking about you, because that is fairly common; it is more that they are trying to decide if you are bipolar. Their words, not mine.

Ummm...

12 year olds. Got to love them.

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9 more school days left. Got to love that even more at the moment.

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Sh.awn showed off his new skill today at therapy. I was so pleased! Then he proceeded to sit in a perfectly balanced one knee down, one knee up stance. It blew both his therapist and me away. It was awesome!

Couple that with how much he has started to repeat words lately, and I am about to fly over the moon!

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Ja.son has taken to my hair clips all of a sudden. If he sees them in my hair, he immediately steals them and tries to put them in his. It is very cute but somewhat annoying. He's already broken two of them and has pulled out far too much of my precious hair.

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Is.aac has walked around the house all night with a puffed up ego. He swears he got hit on at the grocery store by one man and two women (at different times throughout his trip). He also swears that this new attractiveness is due to his denim shirt. While I will admit that it is a nice shirt, I am not sure that is "hit on me" worthy. More than likely, he just misinterpreted a friendly hello. I hate to burst his bubble, but...

Sigh.

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Crystal--I can't log onto your blog. Email me, please! heeeeerestorkey(at)gmail(dot)com

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I have an extra $50 off of a $100 purchase from Old Navy. It is good through tomorrow. If you're interested in it, let me know and I'll send it to you. :-)

Pride

It is probably hard for many of you to understand how big what you'll see in the following picture is to me. It may be hard to understand what all the fuss is about, too. It is something babies do all over the world, usually at one-third of the age my little guy is.

It makes my heart swell with pride and happiness when I see this picture. Because, you see, this is something that isn't easy for my little man. In fact, it is has been so hard for him that his little arms would shake after a few seconds and he would crumple exhausted to the ground. But, he did it. Over and over. I think, mostly for me. And because he's stubborn and won't listen to those others who doubt...

After a few weeks, he mastered the skill for ten seconds. A few weeks later, he mastered twenty. He worked and worked. Until today when he held himself up for over a minute. Frankly, I was so excited that I lost track of time. Then he did it again. And again. And again!

I can see the next milestones just around the corner. They're coming! We've waited and worked oh so hard. Now they are so near we can feel the electricity in the air.

Someday very soon, my little Sh.awn is going to be crawling on all fours.

It is just a matter of time...

And I couldn't be prouder! :-)

My period has once again brought with it a massive funk; however, unlike last time, where I pissed and moaned about how miserable I felt for a week, I retreated a little to lick my wounds. So I feel shitty. So what? I am sure there are quite of few of you out there who are feeling shitty, too. I just need to put on my big girl panties and get on with things.

And I did. Sort of. Today, I played hooky from school! :-)

The boys and I slept in until a whopping 9:30. (only to wake from a stupid phone call. I had to wake the boys up, though. I know, you're jealous!) Is.aac stayed home from work, too, so we picked up my mom and headed to the zoo. We had a blast.

I am hoping that this little break from things will help the next 12 days of school fly by quickly.

Oh. The HSG is set, too.