2015

A lot of my FB feed today is about the end of 2015. There are reflections, fond (and not so fond) farewells, and hopes for the new year. It feels a little...off...odd? I don't know. It feels strange to not be doing the same thing, and yet, I don't want to.

I think more than anything, I am somewhat leery of the new year. 2015 has not been all that bad to us, so I don't exactly wish it to end. The lows haven't been too low. The highs have been relatively frequent. I have been less stressed, less overwhelmed. I kind of like that it was quiet and generally non-eventful.

While the year itself isn't necessarily the reason behind the calm, I don't have the desire to go changing things...you know, in case.

Sigh.

Ahead we must go, however, like it or not.

So bring on 2016. I'll cautiously step aside and let you do your thing.

I'd appreciate it if you'd be nice while you do it.

I Swear This Kind of Crap Always Happens to Me

Thursday started wonderfully, with even the boys cooperating for the most part (they slept in!), for 4 and a half hours. From about 12:30 forward, the day slowly and surely started spiraling out of control.

 

That's when I got a call from a nurse coordinator from our insurance company asking if I had any questions or needed any help managing my prenatal care. When I told her I miscarried in May, she said she was sorry, and she'd update my files. She added, "Have a nice day!" before she hung up.

 

There's nothing like a little sucker punch to the gut to make the day cheery, right? Apparently the universe didn't get the message that it was my day off from crap. Sigh.

Then, to add more fun, I started my period on CD17. Cue freaking out about what this all means about my fertility because oh my god this has never happened before and I'm so old and how can this possibly be okay? (TMI - Lest you think that this might be a good sign or something, we're not talking about a little well timed spotting to indicate wanted things like implantation. Oh no. We're talking about a heavy bleeding episode that was at least equal to if not more bleeding than my usual af.)

I made it through the rest of the day. It clearly wasn't the best days I'd had, but I tried to salvage as much of the "day off" mentality as I could. As I was getting ready for bed, I went to grab my toothbrush in the holder and found a spider sitting on my toothbrush. The stupid thing had started webbing from the brush to the holder. (Yes, I had used my toothbrush that morning!) I swear the sucker was shaking his legs in defiance while I stared at it in disbelief and rapidly building horror.

I lost my shit.

I do not do spiders. By that I mean I really don't do spiders.

I ran to get Is.aac to make him destroy my bathroom as there was no way in hell I was going back in there the spider. Upon inspecting the one spider (he did not agree that it was shaking its legs), he found ANOTHER SPIDER right NEXT to my toothbrush. I am so glad I had missed the leg shaker's little friend. Seriously. I would never be able to brush my teeth, much less pee, in that bathroom again had I seen it.

My shit was lost again. Thinking about it still makes me shudder.

Needless to say, I did not brush my teeth that night. I am now the proud owner of a band spanking new toothbrush located in the other bathroom.

It was the ultimate bad day trifecta.

This kind of crap always happens to me.

I Swear It's a Conspiracy

Be warned. This is another curse filled vent.

Today I got a notice in the mail saying that C..C..S has now denied the boys services (read therapy!) because "I" failed to complete their requested documents. That is bullshit, of course, because I sent the documents in last month. I am anal about such shit, actually.

I have copies of all the forms, but still. Now I have to go to added trouble of writing a fucking appeal letter describing why this judgement is in error. While I don't expect there to be an issue in the long run, (good grief there better not be or you'll likely read about me in the paper) it is just another thing that I have to do because someone somewhere didn't do their fucking job.

Again.

Fuckers.

I suppose I could just walk the paperwork down to the office and input our information into their computers myself. Maybe that would save a step. You know, do the work upfront rather than after the fact.

Ugh. I am so annoyed I could just spit. Or throw things. Or cry.

Sigh.

Add this letter to finding out that I am going to get yet another principal next year (I think this will be the 20th admin change while I've been at this school) and receiving a jury summons today...and well, I am glad this day is over.

I've Been Interviewed

I'm on Multiples and More today!

I have to admit to a small freak out when I got Amanda's email saying my interview would run. I worry that I say too much. I worry that I don't say enough.

Apparently, I just like to worry. Ahem.

Anyway, I'd love to know what you think.

A Lol and a Birthday Update

***My husband said I couldn't put this on the other blog, but I wanted to record it.***

Is.aac gave the boys their baths tonight. He took one boy our of the tub to go get him dressed. I went into the bathroom to watch the one still in the tub.

"Mommy!" the boy in the tub said. "I'm making a pillow for my penis so it can go to sleep!"

He was rolling up a torn off piece of the non slip mat in the tub. And yes, his penis was apparently what the boy dubbed as "wide awake."

I just about died from laughter.

These boys and the things they say crack me up!

---

My birthday was nice with the exception of a little trouble we had at the boys' school. Thankfully, once that problem was solved, the night picked up again. :-)

Our family celebration was quiet, just how I like it. Plus, I got the woman of my dreams as a gift. I think I love her. (We all have had all kinds of fun getting to know Siri!)

All in all, I think it was a good way to ring in the new decade. You know, cause I had to do ring the decade in anyway.

---

I'm still struggling with the idea of being 40, though. The more I think about it, the more I think the problems I'm having with this age has to do with its implication about my chances about having another baby.

We'd love to have another, yet with high fsh at the age of 34 and not seeking the help of a RE because I can't justify taking money that could be spent on the things we need for the boys, the chances of that happening now are rapidly declining.

The stats for a 40 year old suck by themselves.

The stats for a 40 year old (ugh) with my issues suck even more.

And well...I have to figure out how to get some peace with all of this.

It's My Blogoversary - 5 Years and Still Counting!

Three hundred million years ago, I wrote this:

My journey has been long and painful. I have learned a lot about fertility. More importantly, I have learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am also more determined than I ever thought I could be.

Okay, it was really just five years ago, although sometimes it sure does seem like it's been three hundred million years. At other times, those years seemed to have slipped by in a nanosecond.

I look at the words I wrote back then and laugh to myself. Oh, I was so naive. I thought I was strong, but I had no idea what it meant to be strong. Not really. Now I do, and to be honest, I don't consider myself strong any more. Sure, I do what needs to be done, but I don't think it is strength that drives me.

I thought I had learned a lot about myself. How could I know myself when my experiences up to that point had not scratched the surface? What did I know of hard? Of challenge? Of anything?

About the only thing I got right in those lines was that I am determined. Hell yes I am determined, probably to a fault. Maybe that is what keeps me going. I am too determined to do what I can to be happy. It's that determination that kept picking me up off the ground when things got rough.

There was no way to know when I wrote that post the path my life would take. There is no way I could fathom the experiences I we would face. We've stood on the peaks of such tremendous highs. We've been in the pit of despair more often than I'd like to count. In these last five years, I think we've lived it all.

I am definitely not the same person I was then. We are not the same people.

How could we be? We have been through SO much in those five years.

=====

5 years ago today, I started blogging. I had just started my period, about to embark on my third IVF--the one that ultimately brought me my boys--the next day.

Today, I sit here with not one, but THREE! handsome, amazing boys sleeping in their rooms.

I never doubt how really lucky I am. Even when things are incredibly challenging and nearly bring me to my breaking point, I remember that one thing.

I am fortunate.

The path to this place has not been easy.

But it has been so very worth it.

===

Thank you for riding this ride with me. Thank you for your support, your prayers, and your good wishes. Thank you for reading and commenting...

Thank you for it all.

Each Day Has a New Starting Point

A girlfriend of mine is trying to lose weight. She is doing an incredible job with her self control. (She's a foodie, so this has been quite hard for her.) Yesterday we went out to lunch, where I ate approximately 10,000 calories--complete with a free Oreo cookie ice creme sandwich--yet she ate a sensible meal and seemed just as satisfied as I was.
I told her she looked fabulous. What was her secret?

There is no "secret" of course. She weighs herself everyday. When she sees the consequence of the choices she made the day before (through weight gain), so she can adjust her day accordingly.

She treats each day as a new starting point.

Don't eat well and gain weight? Eat better the next day and lose it again. It's a constant back and forth.

It makes sense. Why wait a week, two weeks, a month before you check for progress toward a goal? By that time, it is possible to be so far off of the goal that it is easy to give up. I'll never be able to fix that now. Why bother?

This struck a chord with me.

I'm not interested in losing weight. I mean, I am blessed with genetics that have kept me slender. But, there are many things that I'd like to change.

Things that I'd do differently...especially ways that I've developed to avoid a whole lot of everything.

I just need to evaluate what I want/need every day and make changes when I fall back into the old way of doing things.

That is something I can do. I don't need to beat myself up because I've "failed." I'd be able to continually adjust and make things better each new day.

---

I have started to experience some anxiety about Jack's party. I can't pinpoint anything concrete, but I know it's there.

Know how I know?

Because I couldn't bring myself to actually DO anything in preparation for the party. Um, yeah. It's on Saturday.

As in 5 days from now.

I let myself get so overwhelmed at the idea of doing this party that I just threw my hands in the air and gave up. Why bother? It won't go the way I'd want it to anyway...people won't have fun...no one will come...blah, blah, blah.

(Such hateful things I say to myself sometimes. I really am my own worst enemy.)

So today I took stock of what needed to be done. And started doing it.*

Tomorrow I'll evaluate where we are and what else needs to be done and readjust my starting point.

Maybe by Saturday we can have ourselves a par-tay. Well, if nothing else, they'll be able to eat cupcakes and sit. :-) I've got the basics covered.

*Thank goodness for two-day shipping!

Glad That Week's Over

My brain is fried. I am working on a pretty major sinus infection (and all the fun that goes along with it) so I am not up to even considering trying to form coherent paragraphs. Forgive the bullets, if you would.

• I think I lost last week. Well, I knew it was happening while it was happening, but it just sort of disappeared before I had a chance to stop and breathe. It has been one of those weeks.
• Somewhere around Tuesday my head started hurting. It didn't improve for the rest of the week. Finally have had some relief today.
• I suppose it might be coincidental that I finally opened an email I received last week about the grant and learned that the proposal was due in three days. I finished it on time, but still. Was. Not. Fun.
• AF started on Wednesday afternoon. Bleh. I'm fairly certain the scar tissue is back in earnest again. Ouch.
• I think that was the same night that my teeth started to bother me. Never fails. Sinus infections always bother my teeth.
• Got called a "rap.ist" among other pretty ugly things in a student note that I intercepted. (Why you ask? Because I make students come in after school when they don't do what they need to do.) Struggled with how to deal with the fact that my friends, who are now my bosses, didn't handle the issue the way I felt it needed to be handled. Tried hard not to let this one incident change my perceptions about them as people. Finally got the student moved from my class. I think he'll be moved at least.
• Jack's Angel Care monitor went off, and not just the warning beep, Monday night. Scared the shit out of me. It woke me up from a dead sleep. I flew out of bed into his room. He was smooshed up in the corner of his crib, so it is plausible that the monitor couldn't pick up his movements and he was really fine, but I didn't sleep the rest of the night. Or Tuesday. Or much Wednesday. That damn thing is a great way to work the PTSD.
• Then there was all the internet drama going on. Good grief. I still haven't figured out how I feel about all of that.

• We did decide on what we'll do for Jack's birthday, so at least that is something good.

I Hate It When They Hit Their Heads.

In the end, we didn't even go to the party today. Is.aac got some frantic calls and texts from his boss at about noon saying the company website had been hacked. He went off to work to fix the problem and didn't return until the party itself had been underway for three hours. (There is no way I was going to schlep everyone over to this party without him--it's a cousin on his side not mine.) Once I factored in getting everyone ready and driving the half an hour to get there, I decided it was just not going to happen.

We ended up spending a nice quiet day hanging out at home. Four-fifth of us stayed in our jammies all day long. The fifth one changed back into his once we had decided not to go. I love days like this.

The only snafu was that Sh.awn decided to take a head dive off of the couch onto the linoleum covered, cement floor. I was in the kitchen and heard the thud. Ugh. My heart jumped to my throat. As an aside, I managed to drop what I was doing and get to Sh.awn before Is.aac did, even though he was only 5 feet away from him! I just don't understand him sometimes.

I hate, hate, hate it when they hit their heads. It's more than just goose eggs or concussions we have to worry about. We get the added fun of hoping that the blow didn't affect a shunt. From what I can tell from the goose egg he did get, he managed to miss them both--not a small feat when you have two shunts to avoid. He also seemed to be acting normally after about a half an hour or so. I figure I'll wake him up before I go to bed just to check that he is still okay.

He's going to love me for that!

I Never Get Tired of This

The boys "napping" this afternoon. They were laughing so hard
they woke up the baby, too. lol

I love that these two have finally discovered each other. They are truly playing together now and laughing--oh, how I love to hear them laughing together. My heart swells with love and pride. :)

---

Today, the 16th of January, is their estimated due date. I image it only really matters in my head and heart. Is.aac acted like I am some kind of weirdo because I pointed it out to him.

To him, and everyone else for that matter, this is just another day.

It's so much more for me.

I'm not sad about it like I used to be. I don't constantly beat myself up for failing them anymore.

It is what it is.

That means I'm making progress at least.

But each year, and I suspect for many years to come, I'll acknowledge this day and allow myself the freedom to wonder about those "could have beens."

Yea!

We went.

We were photoed.

We conquered (for the most part at least)!

Today, we had our pictures taken. I decided for us to wear our jeans and white shirts. We looked so awesome when we left our house.

And when we drove up to the location, I heard Ja.son say he wanted to play in the dirt. Sh.awn agreed. I knew we were screwed, so I let the worry go and just had fun. We were NOT wearing white shirts when we left that place, that's for sure. lol.

Sh.awn had a few tough moments--he is anti pictures right now--but, even he enjoyed it. Ja.son was on some sort of artificial high. I haven't seen that kind of energy out of him ever. He was all.over.the.place. Jack was a grump until he saw the camera on him. Then he'd light up like some sort of model. It was hilarious.

The photographer said that the pictures of the three boys together might not be ideal (this was during one of Sh.awn's moments), but she is pretty sure that she has several great shots of us as a family, the big boys together, and definitely of each kid individually. I'm all giddy at the prospect of pictures with all of us looking in the same direction. I don't even care if everyone is smiling.

The part that just amazes me most is that she's giving us all the digital pictures unedited. We'll get to pick our favorite 10 and she'll edit and print them for us. All for free. I am speechless.

I need to put my thinking cap on and come up with a good way to thank her. Anyone have any brilliant ideas?

Anyway, I can't wait to see them! (She's supposed to put sneak peaks on FB tonight...)

---

As an aside, it looks like my mom has Sjögren’s Syndrome. Her rheumatologist is pretty certain that is what she has, especially because my uncle was diagnosed with it three months ago. She had more bloodwork done today and goes back in two weeks to confirm. Anyone have any experience with this?

Nothing Like Putting Things Into Perspective

I've been wildly nervous about the upcoming picture day. (Thursday. Yikes!) In my head I am playing various scenarios of tears and tantrums, peeing in pants, and all the usual drama that happens only in my head. I was going with the plan that I am so nervous about things going horribly wrong, when they don't, I will be very pleasantly surprised.

What? It usually works for me.

Tonight, I got a nice head butt to the lip. It bled for a while and puffed up instantly. I look rather like I was on the wrong end of a bar fight.

I have to just laugh through the pain. (Because man, did it hurt.)

My worries were always centered on the boys and their behavior. Never once did I think about sporting a new lip for the shindig. (They have dubbed me Stacie Jolie on FB.)

Tonight's little event is yet another reminder that I need to just chill the fuck out. What will be, will be.

All my worrying won't help make things easier. In reality, it will just wind me up until all the fun is gone. This is supposed to be a fun experience for all of us...

So consider me no longer worrying about picture day. Come on Thursday...we're ready!

Um, once I figure out what we're going to wear. :-)

Silly Boys

So today Ja.son asked me to hypothesize which of his toys weighed more. I was floored. Where the hell did he learn that word? I asked him what that word meant, so he explained it me while looking at me like I was an idiot.

Man, my kid's vocabulary is amazing.

---

Sh.awn's strength has been improving by leaps and bounds. I think he may just be the first of the two to stand independently for any length of time. His therapists look at me like we are doing all kinds of work on him during the week. While we are stretching with him, we certainly aren't doing anything more than what we normally do. I don't know what's up, but I like it.

It's all I can do not to smile and act like we do all kinds of stuff with him on the days he doesn't go to school.

---

Ja.son noticed we have been working on the garage. He wanted to know if we had some cleaning fairies come visit last night.

Yes. He specifically asked if they were "cleaning fairies." Um...I don't know where that one came from either.

---

My hope that we had broken Sh.awn of the paci was shot down in flames this afternoon. He dissolved into tears because he "just needed his paci soooooo much!" I sense that he feels my weakness. I will stay strong, but holy hell is he making me work for it.

---

Here's Jack with his new skill:



---

My grandmother has been here visiting for the last week or so. It has been interesting. The major downfall is that she brought her dog.

That in itself shouldn't be a big deal, but I am allergic and the boys are very, very afraid of dogs. (They are not the bravest duo in the world.) It has not been fun trying to keep the dog and them separated.

They scream. The dog barks. I break out in hives. Good times.

She leaves tomorrow.

---

Speaking of brave souls, the boys have an app on their LeapPads that are little monsters who hold up signs marked with letters. When the monsters hold up the sign, they say the sound of the letter.

The monster who holds up the "A" sign scares the crap out of the boys when he says the sound. We're talking they scream and throw the offending LeapPad as far from them as they can when the monster says the sound.

I want to avoid taking the app off their LeapPads, but I just may have to so they'll use them again.

And thank goodness I got the protection plan.

---

The photographer contacted me about The Littlest Heroes Project. We are scheduled to take our pictures on the 12th. Yikes. I am now wildly nervous about it.

I am afraid to get too excited about it in case it doesn't go well.

Any thoughts on what we should wear? We'll all be in jeans. Beyond that, any ideas?

___________________________________

My goal this year is to post at least three to four times a week. So far, so good. lol

Wait a Minute!

(Cross Posted for the most part.)

I think someone stole my winter break. Seriously. It's gone. I want it back, thank you very much. I wasn't done with it yet! (sniff, sniff)

Sadly, my time home with the boys is over. It's back to work tomorrow for me. Boo. We did a lot this winter break.

• We visited with family and friends.
• We "crafted" ourselves crazy. (We didn't even finish everything I had for us to do. I already have a list of activities for next year. lol)
• We went to doctor and therapy appointments. (6 of them in total)
• Everyone got shots. :-(
• We saw Santa.
• We opened presents and played with new toys.
• We stayed in our pjs until late in the day several times!
• We played outside and ran in fear from the ferocious squirrels in the backyard.

We had a lot of fun!

I did, however, have two main goals* that I wanted to accomplish before vacation ended. True to form, I waited until the very last possible moment before we started on them.

First, I wanted to finally bite the bullet and potty train Ja.son. (My plan has always been to divide and conquer--get Ja.son to potty train and know figure hope pray that Sh.awn will likely follow suit shortly.) If you know me on Facebook**, you saw updates like this:

Day 2 of "Justpeeonthepottyandnotinyourpantsforheaven'ssake" has been a success. 2 accidents yesterday. 1 accident this morning (didn't get to the potty in time after waking up). I anticipate an even better day tomorrow! December 30 @ 10:23 pm

Little did I know that Day 3 would be even worse. Yikes. Let me just say that I think I may be forever scarred by what I found in his pants that day. (shudder)

But, I am finally happy to say that Ja.son has been in undies with zero accidents for two days in a row now. We're talking 24 hours a day, all day, all night dry. Whoot! Sure, I still occasionally hear the dreaded, "It's not fair!" when I remind him to go, but he does most of it on his own. Dare I say he's finally been "trained"? We shall see. Of course tonight should be interesting as he "couldn't" go potty before bed. Sigh. I'm a bit afraid to say he is potty trained because my kids like to go out of their way to keep me on my toes. (Where did they get that from?)

My second goal for the vacation was a lot harder to get through than I imagined as evidenced by the following Facebook updates:

And for giggles, today is Day 1 of "Idon'tknowwhereyourpaciis,youmusthavelostitsogotosleepwithoutit." This should make for a fun experience. (Don't judge. Everyone has a vice or two. Ahem.) December 30 @ 10:23 pm

---

Only took him two hours to go to sleep tonight without the paci, but he did it! Here's hoping tomorrow goes just as well. December 30 @ 11:50 pm

---

S: "I want my paci, mommy."

M: "You lost it, buddy."

S: "Oh, I'm sorry, mommy...I don't know what to doooooooo, I don't know what to doooooooo!"

Cue the mommy guilt. I'm pretty hard core when it comes to doing what needs to be done, but taking away this stupid paci stuff is hurting my heart! January 1 @ 5:43 pm

---and a bit later---

This is day three...I told him he must have lost the paci and he apologizes to me about losing it. Sigh. I keep hoping the end of him asking for it is near... He's fine at night once he finally gets to sleep. Naps haven't been going well though (and man does this boy need a daily nap). @ 6:21 pm

Ugh. Getting Sh.awn off the paci is torture for us both! He hasn't been napping well at all, which has translated to some not so great evenings, too.

Finally now on day 4, I saw a glimmer of hope when he went to bed tonight and didn't ask for the paci even though he had asked for it a few hours before.

Dare I say it? He didn't ask for the paci tonight. (He did this afternoon but not tonight.) The farthest he would go is, "I think I forgot something..." I'd just sort of cut him off before he could get to the end of that thought.


Hallelujah! January 2 @ 9:50 pm

Fingers crossed that tomorrow he won't ask for his paci at all.

Whew.

Now that I am writing it all out, we really did do a lot. Hm. I think that means I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation!

*We did get started on cleaning out the garage today. I dropped the boys off at my mom's and we both worked on it. I'd say we made a really decent dent in all the work, but there is a considerable amount of work left to do. I suspect I'll end up finishing, but at least he started with me, right?

Two thoughts while we are working: 1)Where did all this crap come from? How can we possibly have this much junk? Jeez. I thought I did a decent job of getting rid of stuff that we don't need/use/want but apparently not. (I am struggling to get rid of the baby stuff, though. I just can't bring myself to do it yet.) 2) Toy manufacturers use an OBSCENE amount of packaging for their toys. Seriously, you don't need that much cardboard and plastic to protect a piece of plastic. Man. I think we spent over an hour breaking down boxes from the various toys/baby goods items we have received over the year. (Yes, it would be easier to manage if we did it as we got the shit in the first place, but I am lazy like that. Ahem.)

**If you don't know me on Facebook, why don't you already? Come on. I'm nice. Really. :-)

Where Did My Vacation Go? & Jack Is 9 Months Old!

So.

For those of you who are teachers, you know how vacations go. For those of you who are not, let me clue you in...

vacations are often not relaxing and restful for the teacher.

Nope. Instead, vacations tend to be jam packed full of stuff you had no time to do while school is in session.

In other words, shit like going to the dentist or the doctor (we've had 6 doctor/therapy visits for the boys this break), cleaning your house (um, didn't happen), finally catching up on laundry, or other such "entertainment" becomes priority because for these brief few days,

you!

have!

all!

this!

extra!

time!

Not.

Okay, fine. I suppose there is a lot of extra time in theory. In practice, not so much. Before you know it, it is the last Friday of vacation and all you've done is run around. Somehow you were always busy and yet there is still a ton to do.

Ugh.

I had three main goals for this break. 1) Get Ja.son potty trained, 2) Finally take the paci from Sh.awn. (Don't judge. That paci has been a godsend for my guy when he was so, so sick. Besides, we all have vices.), and 3) Clean the garage so the boys will have a place to practice with their walkers.

I didn't start the #1 until yesterday. My fingers are crossed that maybe he has finally decided that he is going to do this peeinginthestupidpottyandnotinhispantsbecausehe'stoolazytostopplayingandjustGO. He had two accidents yesterday. Only one today. I have hope that tomorrow will bring zero extra loads of laundry.

I started #2 today. I felt like the meanest person in the world while I watched Sh.awn search for his paci before bed. He was so sad! He finally managed to fall asleep (without the paci!) after two hours of staring at the ceiling. We shall see what tomorrow holds for the paci saga...

As for #3, I guess I need to get to this. Now that the walkers are to be ordered, it is important that we have a place for them to easy practice walking with them. Our house is too small for them both to get around with their walkers. (A good reason to move to a new home, I say. Is.aac doesn't see the logic in that. Sigh.) I plan on taking some time tomorrow and just get in there and start purging. I have to admit, though, that the will is weak. And I am somewhat pissy about Is.aac not wanting to help. I expect him to again be eating the bon bons while I do the work. :-/ (Bitter much? Me? Never.)

---

I just wanted to mention that big boy is 9 months old today. He weighs in at 22 pounds, 4 ounces, and is just shy of 32 inches long. Holy cow.

The boy's got 8 teeth and is working on his first molar (help us!). He is a true delight! I truly am a lucky girl to have three such amazing kids. :-)

A Gift for Grandma

On Monday we got the surprising news that my 89 year old grandma is coming to visit for Christmas.

My first thought on hearing this news was something along the lines of "Oh good. The boys will love to see her!"

My second thought was "Crap. What am I going to get her for Christmas?"

Now that she will be here on the big day, the usual handmade ornament the boys make for her just won't seem like much when she watches everyone around her open gifts. She said she didn't want anything, but come on. It just feels wrong.

She's hard to buy for actually. She likes sports, specifically the Phoenix Suns, gardening, feeding the wild birds that come to her yard, and reading. That's about it.

Family members have latched on to that interest and continue to flood her home with all kinds of team crap merchandise. Frankly, there is only so much purple and yellow gorillas a person can take.

Pictures are not really an option. There are a lot of kids, grand kids, and even great-great grand kids now. Every picture we send gets stuck up on the wall somewhere. No pictures are ever taken down, so...yeah. (I did make her a calendar, though. I figure she HAVE to get rid of it when the year is up. If she likes it I can just make another one for her next year.)

Gardening and the bird idea were quickly nixed too. She's getting old enough that she can't do a lot of gardening. Plus, now she's watched the birds long enough to know a freakish amount of information on every kind that might possibly fly through her line of vision.

That, my friends, leaves reading. Easy peasy, right?

You are wrong.

My grandmother only reads romance novels. She will not read anything else. Ever. If she starts a book and thinks that it isn't from the genre, she puts it down.

Let me just say, that it is challenging finding romance novels for your grandmother. All the books at the bookstore looked like this:




I could not bring myself to buy her a book called Ecstasy Untamed. People. It's a "Feral Warriors Novel" even. (shudder) Could. Not. Do. It.

Nor could I buy her something like this:

Um, Nauti Intentions? For my grandmother? She may have naughty intentions, but it weirds me out thinking about what they may be.

Let it be known that I could buy these books if they were for my mother or friend. Then I would have had a field day with the double entendre of the titles and the hunks on the cover.

When you take out books with titles like those, the vampire porn romance stories, and the books with characters with stupid names, you're left with slim pickings. I also had the prerequisite that it had to be long* because if I was going to be spending my money for one of these books, she needed to have something to read for longer than two seconds.

I needed something safe. Because apparently I am a prude. (Sigh) I ended up with these bad boys or, um houses.

See? Not a naked body to be found!

Think she'll wonder what is up with this nonsense?

Probably. Lol.

Right now it doesn't matter. I got her some books. She'll be able to read. But most importantly, I won't want to hide every time I see her reading!

*Is.aac was quick to inform me that longer doesn't always mean better. Or so he's heard. I just about fell to the floor with laughter!

Yet Another Thing I Said I'd Never Do...

Oh how things change when you have children. There was so much I would say "I'd never" about before I had them, but now I find myself eating my words left and right.

Today was another one of those moments. I got myself up at 5 am, and if you knew me you'd know just how out of character that is, and went to a store for a toy. Well, actually I went to the store for two toys--the coveted LeapPad.

Did you know these suckers are sold out everywhere unless you want to pay twice (or more!) the recommended purchase price? Yeah. Apparently I decided to buy my kids one of the top toys of the year. I'm forward thinking like that, I guess.

Anyway, I got a mysterious email from TRU last night saying that they'd have limited quantities in their stores tomorrow at 6 am. I figured it was worth a shot, so I went. Of course there was a line, not sure why I didn't anticipate that, for the 32 LeapPads available. I hung my head, and joined the rest of the nuts waiting for a ticket to the prize.

But you could only buy one.

Clearly the poor guy sent outside to field all us desperate parents didn't understand that taking only one today would not be acceptable. He was clueless as to what it was like to have two kids who would fight like there was no tomorrow over only one...

The people in line started to plot and plan. Somehow, and I am really not sure how it happened, they managed to get their hands on enough tickets so that those of us who needed two got two tickets! It was beautiful.

I was in line with my tickets when the cranky manager tried to derail things. A woman ahead of me presented her two tickets only to have the manager proclaim she could only buy ONE LeapPad a day. He made quite the stink over it. She solved her problem by calling her husband over and having him buy one. (Which...sigh. I still don't get what the big deal was. It wasn't like she was going to buy 10 and put them on ebay. Besides, even if she did, what did he care?)

I panicked. I went up to the cashier and gave her only one ticket. Defeated, I walked out and sat in the car.

In front of the store, the poor ticket guy was still there with two more tickets to hand out.

There was no mad rush with people turned away sans what they wanted.

Everyone who wanted one could get one. And I wanted TWO, damn it! Back in the store I marched...

I waited for cranky manager to get called away and then went up to the cashier with my second ticket.

She looked at me.

I looked at her. It was obvious she knew I had just been in line. She had helped me even.

Sensing that I needed this stupid LeapPad, or maybe because she saw the crazed look on my face--I suppose possibly she could have just not cared, she took the ticket, rang me up, and sent me on my way.

I'm so relieved!

Now I just hope they like them. Cuz, you know, it would suck if I went through so much for them to not. lol.

Is He More Girl Than I Am?

Let me just start by saying that I really do try to not stereotype based on gender. My boys have dolls, say pink is their favorite color, and even carry around my purse. Yes, they have cars and other traditional "boy" things to play with, but I make sure that they have the traditional "girly" things to play with as well. They're kids...they get to play with all kinds of toys.

Sigh.

So, I am struggling with this realization that hit me when I was out, by myself, putting up the Christmas lights on the house.

By myself.

While my husband stayed inside and...held Jack or something. Maybe he was eating bon bons while he was at it. He probably was.

My husband may be more girl than I am.

More importantly, I may be more boy than him.

Yeah, yeah. He's got a penis and I don't. He's male. I'm not. I get all that.

I'm talking about the fact that he acts more like a girl in this relationship than I do. I mean, DUDE. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made to my somewhat annoyed frame of mind.

While I was outside, by myself, putting up the Christmas lights because he didn't want to get dirty.

Who does the home improvement? Me.

Who does the cooking for dinner? Him.

Who pays the bills? Me.

Who does the grocery shopping? Him.

I can go on and on...

And trust me that I did, while I was on that ladder, in the cold, by my damn self putting up the Christmas lights on the house.

I'm not sure I like this turn of events. I think I need to regain some "womanhood" and throw all of this "man" shit back at him.

Because hell if I am going to be taking down those stupid lights a few weeks from now, that's for sure.

(But the house does look pretty. :-) )

Thankful

Today the snot has been flowing and all three boys have been miserable. It is now pretty evident that what Sh.awn experienced was either a freakish shunt occlusion (coincidentally timed to arrive just as germageddon has hit our house again--not too likely) or some sort of fast acting nasty virus picked up from some unknown source.

Thank goodness for viruses. I know it seems strange to be happy my kids are so sick, but if given the alternative, I am delirious with joy right now, finally able to really exhale.

Dare I say, I may even have relaxed some.

I know!

Me. The person who is constantly in alert mode. Relaxed.

Relieved.

That is not to say that things around here have been easy. Far from it. I think I had about ten minutes total in which I didn't have a kid on me or touching me is some way or another this weekend. I haven't even brushed my hair since Friday. I've had very little sleep since Wednesday night. There is something...I'm not sure I want to know what...caked onto my sweat pants. Jack spit up on my shoulder (and bit my finger! WTF?). Ja.son is whining from his bedroom as I type this. (He's a moaner and groaner. The WORLD must know how he feels at EVERY moment of the day. lol) There is a pile of Sh.awn's used Kleenexes on the side table waiting to finally make it to the trash.

And still I am happy.

I feel like doom has been averted.

They are sick, but they are whole.

I am so very, very thankful.

Friday Night Leftovers - The As Long As A Book Edition

• Sigh. Where to start?
• The boys FINALLY began their therapy sessions last week. They've been four times so far (1/2 hour sessions twice a week). I've only taken them once.
• The day I took them, I spent an HOUR working out the schedule for their therapy. An entire hour. It seems that they are surprised that juggling four different therapists and their assurances that it would be "no problem" to do so was way off base. For some reason, they WILL NOT do a standard time for appointments. They WILL NOT just say bring your boys at 3:30 every Wednesday and Thursday. Oh no. It has to be 3:30 on some days, 2:00 on other days, only PT on some days, only OT on other days, only three therapists available some days...I think you get the idea. It is maddening.
• It didn't help that the OT said only one thing to me the day I went and it was a criticism of Ja.son. She made a comment about how tight Ja.son was as he "struggled" to sit.
• Momma bear didn't take too kindly to that. Bitch, he sits just fine!
• Okay. I may have just thought that.
• Is.aac brought it up with the PT at the next appointment. The PT said she found absolutely NO evidence of tightness, and she had no idea why the OT would say something like that.
• Sh.awn's OT didn't know he couldn't walk. She tried to have him walk to her...
• Um, I'm not sure how she is working on goals for him if she hasn't even read his eval in the first place.
• Or maybe that is just me?
• Which, you know, makes a girl confident in the therapy her children are receiving.
• Now I'm fighting to get them in to the ortho for evals for bracing. That has been another fun adventure.

• Got a call from a news program last week (the one with two numbers that add up to 40). They wanted people to come talk to them about the case.
• Hell no, I won't go.
• As of last week, the program they were taping was going to air tonight. Thankfully, the program was about You Tube instead.
• But it is coming. Makes me worried about what they will say about us this time.
• It gets old hearing how everything was our fault. We have enough guilt over not protecting them without people who have no idea what really happened adding to it.

• Sh.awn threw up on Tuesday. I hate it when that kid throws up, especially when there is no other symptoms to indicate that the throwing up was from something normal and not from his head.
• Jack is teething again...still?...and has been a bear. He had a runny nose on Wednesday night. He was congested on Thursday night. I have finally decided he must have picked up a cold somewhere. Poor guy.
• Ja.son was up five differnet times last night. He woke up with a sore throat today. His nose was running by noon. Sh.awn's nose was running after naps.
• They both asked for Tylenol. (they asked before I had even gotten to that point)
• The good news is that Jack feels better today.
• Hopefully the big boys' colds will be as short lived as Jack's.

• How long does it take for your hormones to regulate themselves postpartum?
• I am in a funk that I can't shake. Is it still hormones? Is it something more?
• My cycles are still wonky, too. They have yet to return to normal with them switching between longer cycles to a shorter cycle to a more regular cycle. They are not at all regular.
• This funny business with my cycles makes me worried about what this may mean.

• It's my mom's birthday today. Is.aac's birthday is Monday. I've done nothing to prepare for either. Looks like I should get on that...