Let the Celebrations Begin!

Would it be wrong to say good riddance to the year 2008? Jeez, to say it has been a hard one is an understatement.

2008 has tested me more than I thought possible. Some days I was better at passing the tests thrown my way, but overall, I am glad to say that we made it through. Bumped, bruised and bloodied, maybe, but we made it.

Take that 2008. You were quite the bitch. Here that? We made it! So there.

---

I did this last year, so I thought I'd do it again. Last year's answers are first in orange. This year's answers are under that in black.

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

2007 was the year of the pregnancy--positive hpts, two miscarriages, numerous ultrasounds, two glorious heartbeats, kicking that kept me up all night, bed rest for eight weeks, a cerclage to stitch my incompetent cervix, a hospital stay, c-section, two beautiful babies, and life in the NICU.

I also completely remodeled my kitchen with the help of Isaac and my mom and dad. We installed new cabinets, changed the gas line, bought all new appliances, and scraped the popcorn off of the ceiling!

2008 brought with it being a mother. Although, I was technically a mother in 2007, I didn't have to actually be responsible for two little, tiny human beings all by myself until this year. I was most certainly challenged, at times driven crazy, and more frightened than I ever thought possible on more occasions than I'd like to admit, but I love my new role and my boys.

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did not make New Year's resolutions last year. This year, I resolve to be the best mom I can be, and not to beat myself up when I make mistakes. The not beating myself up part will take loads of work, but I need to stop that.

Hm. Well, I suppose I actually did live up to the first part of last year's resolution. I did and do try to be the best mom I can be to my boys. I still struggle not beating myself up when I make mistakes (it is hard to kick a natural inclination!).

Next year, I resolve to celebrate all the joyful and wonderful things my boys do each and every day. I resolve to try not to live ahead and stay focused on the blessings of each day. Lastly, I resolve to be a whole lot kinder to myself.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

I did! Two other women at my work gave birth as well. (We all had our kids in October, too!) A few of my Internet friends also gave birth.

My blogger buddies gave birth this year: Eden, Neenie, Kim, Karen, Laurie, Julie, Karen, and Meme. Okay, I know there are many more, so don't hate me if I left you off--pretty please!

Did anyone close to you die?

I had two close people die. The first was my grandfather. He passed while I was on bed rest, and I will always be sad that I was not able to go to his funeral. The second was a close family friend, a man who was like my second father.

Ug. I don't want to do this one.

My dad passed away this year due to a car accident. I will never really be the same again. I miss him so very, very much.

What countries did you visit?

No countries other than this one. I did manage to go to Las Vegas right before I was sentenced to bed rest.

Dude, I need to get out more. I didn't go anywhere!

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

After bringing my boys home, I would love to have a year without some sort of medical emergency!

A hospital free life. That's not too much to ask for, is it?

What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I have dates from my miscarriages and estimated date of birth etched in my mind. I say a quiet prayer and think of the "what ifs" on those days.

I also have October 27 etched in my mind because that was the day my two boys were born.

January 25th - Shawn came home from the hospital

February 3rd - Jason joined us at home, too

March 18-May 18 - the very dark days of hospital stays and surgeries

March 28th - my dad passed away

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Having babies. Living through bed rest when I thought for sure I would go crazy!

Staying sane. That is a biggie.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had my first hospital stay ever, and a c-section. Thankfully, that was enough for me.

No, I didn't, but my poor babies did. They had chicken pox and surgeries. Blah. My mom got lyme disease, too. I just got to take care of everybody.

What was the best thing you bought?

I bought a great stove for the kitchen. It has a "power boil" feature that boils water super fast. I love that thing!

I also bought a self cleaning litter box. That inventor was a genius!

Joanne, my beloved new Honda Pilot. I. Love. Her. Very. Much. I also love her heated seats. I should kiss the person who developed heated seats. It was genius!

Whose behavior merited celebration?

I think my husband and my mom went above and beyond this year. They both took care of me during all of the bed rest and pregnancy drama. They never complained, either. I know I wouldn't have made it through without them!

My husband and mom again take the prize for going above and beyond this year.

The country didn't do too badly in November, either. (except for the Prop 8 issue)

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I have to admit that I can't think of anyone for this question. I am so glad about that!

A few doctors, some stupid people in waiting rooms, Californian politicians to name a few.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Having a baby first, and then finding out it was twins!

My new car.

What song will always remind you of 2008?

That Kanye West song that has the line "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger!"

Leona Lewis' song "Better in Time." It reminds me of my dad and makes me cry.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder, b) thinner or fatter, and c) richer or poorer?

a) definitely happier
b) definitely thinner - how many people with nine week old twins can say that?
c) poorer - not working much will do that to you.

a) happier, but tired and a little worn out
b) back to normal - I had lost too much weight during all of the stress
c) richer - working again!

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Stayed pregnant longer. Enjoyed being pregnant without being afraid of what could happen. And completely finished the kitchen before I went on bed rest.

Lived more in the moment.

Spent more time with my dad.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying. Beating myself up over things.

Worrying. Beating myself up over things. Giving other people the power to hurt me. (some things never change)

How did you spend Christmas?

I split my time with my babies at the hospital and at my mom's house.

At home in the morning and at my mom's in the afternoon/evening. Christmas was bittersweet and felt a little wrong somehow this year. Hope it gets better...

Did you fall in love in 2008?

Yep. With my new family.

Sadly, with a stupid Wii.

What was your favorite TV program?

Project Runway, Survivor, Amazing Race, Lost, Scrubs, Days of Our Lives (I know, I know), The New Adventures of Old Christine, and others. Had a lot of time to watch television this year.

Again, some things never change!

What was the best book you read?

I read Wicked and that was about it for the year. That is strange, too, because I LOVE to read. For some reason, I couldn't just sit down to read anything deeper that "Star" magazine. Must have been the state of my head this year.

I didn't read much this year. Nothing stands out as stellar.

What was your greatest musical discovery this year?

XM Radio! Love it!

Nursery rhymes. They soothe my savage beasts!

What did you want and get?

Babies.

A car.

What did you want and not get?

A complication free pregnancy would have been nice!

More time watching my dad play with my boys.

What was your favorite film of the year?

Didn't go to the movies once this year. We were saving money so we cut that out.

Repeat.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 35 and I gave myself shots for IVF. We also went out to dinner to celebrate.

I turned 36 and spent it in the hospital with Sh.awn. We didn't celebrate it this year.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Hmmmm....not sure.

More chocolate.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Wear what makes you comfortable. In my case, that meant sweats, sweats, and more sweats.

Jeans. Sweatshirt. Clippie for my hair.

What kept you sane?

My laptop!

My blogger buddies.

What political issue stirred you the most this year?

NCLB is something that affects my daily life. Right now, my work is in the middle of restructuring because we are now considered a "failing" school. It totally sucks. I understand and agree with the premise of this issue, but the specifics of it are so unrealistic in a lot of ways.

And I wish our president seemed more intelligent. It is just sad that he (and by default, we) are laughed at by people around the world.

There are too many to name them all. Prop 8, budget issues, NCLB never goes away, economy...

Who did you miss?

My students.

Dad.

Who was the best new person/people you met?

Sh.awn and Ja.son.
My Internet buddies. You know who you are.

The boys' therapists. New blogger buddies.

What valuable lesson have you learned in 2008?

Take things one day at a time.
I am a strong person who can make it through anything.

I am pretty strong and I get through whatever life throws my way.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears, It's a world of hope, and a world of fears..." from "It's a Small World"

"I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to/It'll all get better in time" Leona Lewis from "Better in Time"

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Okay, that was my year in a nutshell. I can't wait to read what you answered for these questions!

Thank You

Thank you for all of your kind words. I must admit that it makes me a little teary when I read such nice things. I have a habit of being incredibly hard on myself, so when people are stupid and say hurtful things, I take them to heart and continue to beat myself up over it all.

Note to self: must work on confidence this year. I am smart enough, a good mommy, and doggonnit, people like me.

Okay.

It hurts to hear others say things like that horrible woman. No one wants to hear others talk about her loved ones.

I suppose the thing that threw me for the loop was that she thought he was special needs by just looking at him. Sure, I know he has challenges and all, but I didn't think that he looks any different than any other baby. So I had been obsessing about how he looks, watching for any sign that would scream "special." Is it the glasses? The way he keeps his hand fisted unless I actively engage it? The bald spot on the back of his head that does nothing to help the Frankenstein scar he has from all of his surgeries? What is it that made her peg my beautiful, brilliant little boy as special needs.

I don't know.

But then I had a revelation. (and I think writing down what happened helped me get there) The point is that I don't care what it was. If I cared, then that would imply that I am embarrassed, ashamed, or insecure about him, AND I WON'T STAND FOR THAT! I WILL NEVER ALLOW MY BOY TO THINK THAT BECAUSE I AM NOTHING BUT PROUD OF HIM!

He truly is a miracle. He proves to me each and every day that he will not be held back because he had a rough start. He fights for everything he does. He is determined. Strong. Smart. Funny.

He is wonderful.

And he is perfect just as he is.

I will not let another person make me feel badly about my baby. I will not be shamed into thinking that he is somehow less because he isn't someone else's idea of "normal." Enough of that shit.

It is time to start celebrating my babies.

2009 will be our year to celebrate.

2009 will be the start of our good health.

2009 will be our year of wonder and joy.

Look out world.

Here.

We.

Come.

Mind Torture

"You'll be hearing from our office to schedule the surgery," said the doctor as we were leaving. I didn't say anything, just nodded and opened the door to the reception area. The reception room was bare with the exception of two people, a woman about my age and her little boy. They were sitting right next to the door to the exit.

"Oh, look Jackson. A baby!" she said as we approached. "How old is he?"

"He is 11 months adjusted," I replied. She gave me the same look that everyone else does when I give that answer. "That is how old he would be if I had him on his due date." A dim look of understanding crossed her face. I grabbed the door knob, trying to make an escape.

"Jackson is 11 months, too. His birthday is next month on the 16th." My due date. Figures. "He sure looks cute in his glasses, doesn't he, Jackson?" she said motioning to Sh.awn. "What is your name young man?" I told them.

"Hi, Sh.awn. You sure are sweet." Her chatter continued while I tried to figure out how to leave without being down right rude, although being rude did cross my mind more than once. "Do you have any other children?" she asked.

"Yes, Sh.awn has a twin brother," I replied.

"Oh, is he special needs, too?"

My heart stopped. My breath seemed to leave in an instant. It felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Hard. I stammered something about how Ja.son seems to be developing typically, how I had another appointment, and managed to finally get through the door to leave.

The scene has been playing on my mind at every free moment since.

Special needs...

Let's just say that this hasn't been the best week.

Fuck that woman.

I need to forget about that woman and her insensitivity...

stop the mind torture that I am inflicting on myself...

focus on what's important, right?

And frankly, there isn't anything more important than this right now...

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And 1 Makes 11

Surgeries.

Because that is what is in store for poor little Sh.awn. Seems that the simple little office procedure I was promised is no longer on the table.* Great.

No hurry, of course. Whenever we can work it into our schedules will be fine.

That means another intubation, another round of sedation, another trip to the hospital, and another fucking surgery.

The urologist's office will call at the start of the year to schedule us in for January. Supposedly it will be a single day procedure without an overnight stay. Blah, blah, blah...

I feel defeated again.

Sigh.

*We were told that the excess fluid would be drained via needle if it hadn't gone down by his first birthday. Now, after his examination, it looks as if there is excess tissue creating the fluid, and it wouldn't matter how often we drained it, it would keep returning. So, the only option is to surgically remove the tissue. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

----

ETA I had forgotten the best part of the whole excursion. It seems that I started my period (in a bad kind of way) a full 10 days early, which definitely means there is no Christmas surprise on a pee stick waiting for me. Plus, I left a little present on my new LEATHER car seats. Thankfully, I managed to get it up, but still.

I have been stuck in bed for most of the weekend due to some kind of wicked cold. The hope was that I could stay away from the boys as much as possible, you know, to keep them from getting whatever this is and all. Unfortunately, today Ja.son joined me in the bed. It makes me so sad to see him just as miserable as I was on Friday. I hope it passes for him soon.

I am finally feeling better, with only a cough and a raspy voice remaining, but I am a little worried that whatever this is has settled in my chest as I am coughing yuck up (sorry for the tmi). Everyone, please send your best healing vibes to Ja.son to help prevent this gunk from settling in his chest, too. He is still technically at high risk for pneumonia, and that is not something we want to deal with right now. I just can't do another hospitalization. (Any suggestions on how to prevent it?)

Thank you very much.

Tomorrow I get to take Sh.awn to the urologist. He still has extra fluid around his testicles--remnants from his hernia surgeries. We were originally told that if it hasn't gone down by his first birthday, then we'd have to bring him back to have it removed. I have no idea if they will drain the fluid tomorrow (and God doesn't that sound awful) or what. Fun times.

Alright. I am off to take some ny.quil and go to bed.

I am so excited. Two huge things happened at our house this week. Sh.awn finally held his bottle on his own to feed himself (11 months adjusted) and...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

HE FREAKING CRAWLED USING HIS RIGHT ARM! We're talking, he reached out and pulled himself with his arm.

TWICE!

(take that mister asshole neurosurgeon)

More things to bring me hope about his future. (That and his new words: No, Hi, Daddy-said appropriately!*)

I am all smiley now. :-)

*Quite the compliment to Ja.son's favorite words of Yes, Mama, Kitty, and Bye. Go figure.

Found Something To Do...

I was verrrryyyy careful. Fortunately for us, there was hardly anyone there. (got to stay away from those nasty germs whenever possible) The whole excursion took less than an hour, including loading everyone into the car and getting back home again. Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

You can read the play by play here.

Playing Hooky & A Request

I am feeling (cough, cough) like I need to take a day off tomorrow. (sniff, sniff) Must be some sort of bug. (hee hee)

I can't wait.

Nothing is really planned except to stay in bed for as long as the boys will let me.

Sounds like heaven. Ahhhh....

____

Please send some bloggy love to Cathy at Tomorrow IS Another Day. One of her 1 year old twins, Daniel, is having surgery tomorrow. While the hope is that Daniel's medical condition will improve after the surgery, there is some uncertainty about whether or not it will. Cathy continues to be an amazing advocate for her son, but she is struggling with the pain and stress of having a seriously ill child, as any parent would. If you could stop by and send your best her way, I would greatly appreciate it. (My heart just aches for her because I really do know some of the feelings she's going through. She even has her own version of Sh.awn's asshole doctor.)

Show and Tell - A Beautiful Ornament

For today's Show and Tell, I would like to present this beautiful ornament.

Isn't it pretty?

And, if you can believe this, I won it!*

You see, back in September, I won a drawing celebrating the 200th post on Kristin's blog--The Fertile Infertile. Her older boys helped her with the drawing and I was one of two winners. (I never win, so this was a great surprise.)

Even more incredible to me is that she let me choose what I might like!

I chose the ornament, and I am so glad I did. On one side, it has a blue star with both my initials and wonderful Kristin's initials, plus the date. It has the same thing on the back in green thread.

I absolutely love it.

Right now, it is the only ornament on my Christmas tree.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Kristin. The ornament is beautiful and I will treasure it always!

*It hasn't escaped my attention that she was able to get her gifts out to the winners of her drawing in September, and I still owe the winners from my contest (in MARCH!) their gifts. I haven't forgotten...

Seriously. I haven't.

Today...

Today, I gave four baths, because ...

• After bathing Ja.son (bath #1), my husband took him from me to go get him dressed for the day. All went fine until...

• he clipped Ja.son's nail a little too close, and made it bleed, which led to...

• Ja.son freaking out because he didn't want the band aid that Is.aac was trying to put on his finger...

• I warned Is.aac that the coughing Ja.son was doing during his crying jag would lead to vomit, but...

• he said, and these are his exact words, "Woman. I know what I am doing!" Two seconds later...

• he walked into the kitchen (where I was bathing Sh.awn - bath #2) wearing vomit all over his shirt and down his legs. So...

• He put Ja.son into his high chair so he could change his shirt. I finished bathing Sh.awn and gave him to Is.aac to go get him dressed for the day. (I refrained from telling him not to make this kid throw up, too. Oh, but I was close!) Then...

• I took my poor snotty nosed boy and cradled him in my arms. He looked up at me and said with the most pathetic little voice, "Mama," and I proceeded to bath him for the second time. (bath #3) Later...

• We were giving the boys their lunch of carrots and squash (doesn't that just sound yummy?). The next thing I knew...

• Sh.awn gagged and was shooting carrot spew at Is.aac, his highchair, and the floor, hence bath #4.

Is.aac was 2 for 2 in spew. He's gifted like that, I guess.

Sigh. I have worked more today than I have all week long. I've done three loads of laundry, cleaned the carpet in the nursery (spew episode #1), and mopped the dining room and kitchen floor (spew #2). I have cleaned the freaking bathtub way too many times today, too.

And my husband you ask? What did he do? Not a whole hell of a lot except make extra work for me is the answer. Sadly. Annoyingly. Infuriatingly?

Yeah. That's the right word.

While I am grateful that he is so involved, sometimes it is just easier without the "help," if you know what I mean.

(Both boys are totally okay, by the way.)

_____

Guess what I got in the mail today after a nice little chat with the medical group yesterday morning? Yep. They have been approved for their Syn.a.gis! I didn't even really have to get ugly about it, either.

:-)

The Best of the Adoption/Infertility/Loss Blogs of 2008

I decided to submit a post I wrote this year to Mel's Creme de la Creme list. Was is this you ask? You can go here for all the details.

While I am not sure that I constitute a "writer" by any stretch of the word, I took the plunge and sent in a post before I had the chance to talk myself out of it. As Mel puts it, "The idea of the creme de la creme is not to put out there "the best" by someone else's definition of "best." It's to put out the entry that means the most to you." The post I submitted means a lot to me and represents a big part of my life this year. It isn't pretty, but it is real, and it is important to me. So there you go.

Look for the complete list of The 2008 Creme de la Creme on January 1st!

I found this on another blog-a good read, by the way, if you haven't been there.

This is what it said about my blog. (surprisingly, it said the same thing for the boys' blog. hm.)



ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

I came up with the same type as she did, so I of course had to check out the type of the blogs I read. You'll be happy to know there are other types. Check it out for yourself!

What a Week

Well, the conferences have been no better from Tuesday's update. I have now met with approximately six parents. Out of the eleven who said yes, they'd come. Okay. Then. That number speaks volumes. Should be an interesting year working with the parents.

I come home yesterday to find letters from our insurance company. It seems that they have denied Sh.awn and Ja.son their Syn.a.gis shots which help minimize the effects of RSV. The fun part is that they've already had one treatment (which was also denied). The main reason for the denial is because the boys are older than a year (at 28 weeks gestation) and don't have diagnosed Chronic Lung Disease. This is, of course, one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. The basic diagnosis is confirmed if a baby is on oxygen for at least 28 days after birth. Hello. Both of the boys were on oxygen that long. Shit. Ja.son was on the VENTILATOR for that long. Then, I read this little factoid, "One study demonstrated that, among children with chronic lung disease who were hospitalized due to RSV, over 30% were admitted to the ICU, 17% required mechanical ventilation, and 3.5% died," which has sent me over the edge (as if I wasn't there already). I called the pedi, and I have been assured that they are working on it. They are suppose to hear something tomorrow. I will call the insurance company myself tomorrow, too. Fun times. You know I am going to find it hard to be nice about this. That is just my way, now. (Growl.)

Today was Ja.son's helmet/head growth check. The whopping growth total was 1/8 of an inch. All together, since the beginning of the helmet treatment three loooong months ago, his head has grown 1/4 of an inch. The goal is at least a 1/2 an inch. Sigh. We go back next month for the next growth check. At this rate, he'll have it for - ev - ah. Please send head growing wishes his way. (appropriate head growing wishes-we don't want some funky stuff happening in there) We SO need to get rid of the damn thing.

-----one highlight-----

I teach a college preparation class for seventh graders. Part of the curriculum includes community service. This year, a community service project, for lack of a better term, sort of fell into our laps. There is a family at school who have come under some very tough times. The mother was desperate enough to come to the school and ask for help. The counselor and I heard the exchange between her and the administrators (who really had very little to offer) and decided that we (the class I teach) would "adopt" this family.

Yesterday, I gave my kids the rough idea that had formed. We had the most heartfelt discussion about empathy for others, responsibility, sharing, and citizenship before the kids sprang into action. They formed groups to brainstorm ideas about what we could do, made posters, and started a collection jar (for a grocery store gift card). They made plans for what they could do to gather donations in their neighborhoods. They started letters to send to several businesses seeking collections.

I had tears in my eyes while I listened to them talk and watched them work. They are excited to do something for someone else. They know they won't be graded for this project, but they are giving it their all anyway.

I just really love my kids.

Spoke too soon. I was one for five on the conference front today. Only one parent showed. No calls to say that they had to cancel. Every single kid said that his/her parents knew about the conference that day. (they all signed forms saying they would be there) Ug. Pisses me off that they all said they'd be there, and only one parent had the decency to come. It is for their own freaking children!!!

Sigh.

On a positive note, the conference with the one father that did come was very productive. Found out the student is 70% blind in her left eye. Would have been good to know, say, three months ago, but hey.

Better late than never.

Enough Already

This week is parent conferences. I am meeting with every student in my first period class who has a grade point average below a 2.0. That should mean that I have absolutely zero conferences. Come on, that is a C average. Average! Surely all of the kids managed to get a 2.0, right?

Out of my class of 36 students, I am meeting with 11 for conferences. How did I get so lucky? The reasons behind all of the head banging I am doing on a regular basis is starting to clear up now. It isn't because I have totally lost my ability to teach since my brain has turned to mommy muck. (and I swear that I wondered)

I have an unusually apathetic group, and I am finding they come from unusually apathetic parents. I don't mind meeting with parents, but talking to this group of parents has been down right annoying. (I usually try to call each and every parent at least once during the school year, so I am not complaining about the conferences themselves. I would do that anyway. It just frustrates me that I am having to meet with so many for this reason.)

A sampling from today's conferences: (If this has been day 1, what will the rest of the week look like?) Oh, I should mention that the student is present for these conferences.

Don't tell me that you don't know what to do with your 12 year old child.

Hear that? I said C.H.I.L.D.

No, apparently he/she cannot manage his/her time. He/she needs help organizing himself/herself.

No, it isn't correct that your child never has homework. If you would bother to open your child's daily homework calendar, you'd see that there is work written. I know because I check and SIGN your child's calendar each and every day.

No, your child cannot do homework effectively when the television is blaring.

No, going to his/her room to do homework is never a good idea. How would you know if your child is actually working on his/her homework that way? (and because you are here, we can guess that they are not)

Give up? Did you just tell me that you give up on your twelve year old? Your preteen? What hope does your kid have if you have already give up. (Um, I have only managed to survive the parenting thing for just over a year, and that was tenuous at best, but even I know not to give up on your kids.)

Such fun.

And for shits and giggles, a co-worker told me she is pregnant today. "Oh," I managed with feigned enthusiasm. She went on to tell me that she has no idea how far along she is because of course this was an accident...

Sigh.

Cinnamon Roll Recipe

Here's the recipe for last week's submission of my famous cinnamon roll. If you can believe it, I ate the entire pan of rolls myself! Heaven.

Holler if something doesn't make sense.

Cinnamon Rolls

Ingredients for dough:

• 2 1/2 cups warm water
• 2/3 cup honey
• 2 pkgs yeast
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup oil
• 4-5 cups whole wheat flour (I don't always use wheat flour, it depends on what I have to use. It tastes just as good with all white flour.)
• 3 cups white flour (so if you don't use the wheat flour, make this 7-8 cups of white flour)
  

Ingredients for cinnamon rolls:

• 1 cube butter (softened)
• 1 cup sugar and 1 tbsp cinnamon (mix together)
  

Ingredients for glaze: (I mostly eye-ball this, so I am not exact here)

• 2-3 cups powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/4-1/3 cup milk
  

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in the warm water. Add the honey and oil.
2. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Add flour until it can be kneaded easily or until you get to the 8 cups, whichever comes first.
3. Once mixed, place dough onto a lightly floured surface. Knead dough until no longer sticky(3 to 5 minutes total), adding more flour if needed. Shape dough into a ball.
4. Place dough in a lightly greased bowl; turn once. Cover; let rise in a warm place until dough doubles (about 1 to 1 1/2 hours). (The dough is ready for shaping when you can lightly and quickly press two fingers 1/2 inch into dough and indentation remains.)
5. Punch dough down. On a lightly floured surface, divide dough in half**; shape each half into a smooth ball. Cover; let rest for 10 minutes.
6. On lightly floured surface roll half the dough to 12x8 inches. Spread with 1/2 of the softened butter cube. (I am usually kind of skimpy with the butter and put just enough to hold the cinnamon mixture.)
7. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon mixture over rectangle. Roll up from a short side.*** Seal edges.
8. Make a second roll with remaining dough, butter and sugar mixture.
9. Slice each dough roll into pieces about 3/4 of an inch thick. Arrange slices, cut side down, in a greased 13x9x2 inch baking pan. Cover; let rise until nearly double (about 30 minutes).
10. Bake rolls in a 350 degree oven for 20 to 25 minutes or until light brown.
11. Drizzle rolls with the powdered sugar glaze while still warm. Serve warm.

**My grandmother's recipe calls for dividing the dough in half. I don't do that anymore, I just roll the whole thing out as one until it is about 1/4 inch thick, however big that makes the rectangle.

***Because I don't divide the dough into two, I roll up from the longer side.

If I Were A Rich Girl...

I've been tagged by Maya. She wants to know what I'd do if I won the lottery. Hm. Wouldn't that be so sweet?

In no particular order, I would:

1. Pay off all of my mom's bills so she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.
2. Pay off my house and car.
3. Better yet, I would move to a new home. I would love a bigger house that is configured better than the house we have right now.
4. Quit working full time so I could spend more time with the boys. I think I would like to keep working 2-3 days a week, though.
5. Take my boys to fun places and expose them to as much stimuli as possible. (you'd be amazed at how little the kids at my school know about the world. most haven't been anywhere but deep in the heart of Mexico.)
6. Take a family vacation to somewhere warm. It is freezing here. I think someone forgot that this is California and it should be warm.
7. Get pregnant with any/all medical resources I could find and NOT have to worry about money to pay for it.
8. Get my pilot's licence.
9. Fund hubby's desire to go freelance with his advertising profession.
10. Get a housekeeper and a cook full time.
11. Learn how to decorate cakes. I have always wanted to do that!
12. Have some work done on all these wrinkles that popped up after this year.
13. Study photography and learn how to take really good pictures.
14. Buy MC Of.fice for my computer so I don't have to keep getting the 3 month trial versions to open documents. (It shouldn't be so dang expensive!)
15. Learn how to invest my money in a responsible way. (I don't really have any investments, and I am starting to freak about the future now.)

I think I'll add to this list as I think of things.

Consider yourself tagged!

A Few Highlights From the Week

The boys' colds have finally left the building, but in their place is our old nemesis--teething. Oh, how I so hate teething. This is a major design flaw in the baby, as far as I am concerned. Sigh. Anyway, Sh.awn is finally cutting his top two front teeth. ("all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" has been in my head for days) They are just barely through, but they haven't budged for a few days. He's avoiding the bottle because of it, and he isn't sleeping as well as his poor, tired mommy wants him to. Ja.son, who is not one to be left out of the fun, is going all out and trying to cut his first molar. OMG. Doesn't he realize that he's only 10.5 months adjusted? Jeez. He has not been himself over the past few days. He'll take his bottle with no problem but is avoiding anything solid now. All of this has made bottle/meal time a lot more fun than usual!

Still, even with the teething thing, we've had a fairly decent week.

One real highlight was the addition of Ja.son's new word--momma. He has said momma for a while now, but he hasn't really directed at me other than accidentally. This week he has started calling for me, and only me. It started when Is.aac was holding him the other night. I walked over to give him a kiss before I went to take a shower. As I was walking away, he started fussing with Is.aac and called to me. He was looking straight at me, too! He kept saying momma until I went over and got him. Made my year, I think! (contented exhale inserted here) He hasn't stopped saying it since. His favorite time to say it is while I am holding him on the couch. He'll play with my face (well, it is more like pinching my face rather than playing) and say "momma" the whole time. Ahhh....more contented sighs.

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Now, here is our week summarized in pictures.

This is what happens when I turn my back on Ja.son for just a few seconds. He was pulling the blinds down one at a time.

Sh.awn is making friends with our cat, Annie. They're about to give each other a great big kiss.

I have been fascinated with the boys' feet this week. Ja.son has the biggest feet. His foot is on the right. See how huge it is compared to Sh.awn's on the left?

Sh.awn has found his glasses and has started to take them off at least twice a day. Vanity starts early.

Spaghetti for dinner...yum!

With a side of carrots on our nose...

In my defense, I fed Sh.awn that night, while Is.aac fed Ja.son. My kid was not as messy as his kid! This was before we gave them some spaghetti noodles to play with, too. (I would have taken pictures of that mess, but the battery on my camera died.)

Um, is it normal to have really heavy, painful periods after having a baby or two? I swear it feels like there's a football twisting around in my abdomen and under my ribs. Cramps galore. (and I wasn't really a crampy type of girl before) Makes me wonder about the scar tissue that was mentioned after I had the boys.

PMS, you are not my friend. Better yet, you are not my husband's friend. Or my kids' at school. Or the cats'. Thankfully, the boys haven't had to deal with it much. Let's just say that we all would like to bid you adieu. (and I wasn't a PMSsy type of girl, either)

This probably isn't going to make the baby making thing any easier I bet. Great. Should probably get on making that yearly OB appointment sooner rather than later. Sigh.

And while I am at it, shouldn't I be able to feel the skin just over my c-section incision by now? It has been 13 months. (holy cow!) Of course, for some reason, I lucked out and got the scar from hell--it reaches from just about an inch inside hip bone to hip bone (approximately 7 inches long). Does anyone else have a scar that big? Dude. They weren't even 3 pounds when they were born. Did it really need to be that long?

Okay. Enough of my complaining. I am off to take some Ad.vil and hit the hay.

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(the recipe will be posted this weekend)

Yes, I'll share the cinnamon roll recipe! Give me a bit to type it all out and stuff. They are yummy!