It's There!

It's there. Measuring 4 weeks 6 days-a few days behind what I thought, but I've been assured still well within normal.

Shocked and so, so grateful!

Answers Soon

Scan is scheduled for 1:45. I do have some tenderness on the side where my tube is. Could be bad news or simply a cyst. The sensitivity on side freaked the office out enough that they want me in right away for a scan.

Waiting for hcg blood draw now. Results are supposed to be stat. We shall see, but I doubt it will be as speedy as the RE's office even as stat.

I go back to the OB after the scan. They hope to have hcg results by then, too.

I'm a bit teary about the thought of maybe not having our miracle at the end of this.

Should all go well at the scan, I'll start Lovenox, baby aspirin, folgard (I'm taking folic acid now), and prenatals.

Please keep everything crossed for us. We can use it.

Weekend Leftovers

So. Yeah. This has been quite the week.

I am crazy nervous about the appointment tomorrow.

~~~

The battle between me and the school district has still not been settled. Tuesday night I emailed the school psychologist and the school principal another letter. Wednesday morning, the school Outreach Specialist sent me an email trying to set up an appointment for the SST they said I had to attend. 15 minutes later, she emailed me back to say that she had talked to the psychologist and he said we will no longer need the SST.

The school principal emailed me late afternoon to say she had forwarded my letter to the psychologist and she had confirmed with him that it was received. She said he should be getting in contact with me soon, if he hadn't already.

On Friday afternoon, after no response from the psychologist, I emailed both the district office and the county office of education. I'm now waiting for a response from them tomorrow.

I am to the point where I am going to request another psychologist test the boys. I will not trust the findings of the one I've been dealing with.

The clock is ticking.

~~~

My mom wants us to go to a familiy reunion at the end of May. It is an eight hour car ride from here, we would have to leave after work on Friday (I have to go to a three day training that week), and I'll have to be back by Monday. Doesn't that sound like a fun weekend?

I feel horrible thinking about not going, but lugging three kids across one state and into another for one day with family isn't my idea of a good time. Ugh.

~~~

The boys have been in rare form this weekend. Today was so bad, I couldn't wait until bed time and literally counted down the hours before I could put them in bed.

Is it wrong that I felt better to hear others had the same complaint about their kids today, too? (Thank you FB for giving me a little external validation tonight.)

~~~

I am having trouble thinking about things. Too much going on in my head.

I'll post tomorrow after the appointment.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Surreal

As much as I had hoped for this, in all reality, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would happen. Let's face it, you can hope every month forever, have lots of sex (which after 9 years there have been plenty of chances), and never get pregnant. I really believed that it would take going back to the RE for this to happen, only I couldn't justify the expense when we now have three boys. In my heart I was trying to let the dream go.

I expected my period on my birthday. I was crampy and achy and my boobs were killing me. It felt like I would start at any moment. When I didn't that day, and the cramps, aches, and boob tenderness continued, I just thought that my cycle would be on the longer side this month. No biggie. My cycles fluctuate between 25 and 28 days. Surely, I'd start on Monday.

Monday came and went with nothing.

I still was not thinking much of it. I felt like I was on the verge of starting any minute. I figured my body was just going to be difficult. While I was out at Target, I decided to buy some tests.

For me, the quickest way to bring on my period is to take a test.

I dipped the stick and set it down on the counter. I watched to make sure the fluid started to fill the test window before I left. I thought it was strange when a line appeared almost instantly. I flipped the test over. That line should be at the back.

Then a second line appeared.

What?the?fuck?

I started shaking. All I could do was stare at those little lines as they darkened and widened before me. I finally pulled an old test out of the cabinet to compare it to what I had in front of me...

and just about lost my shit. I burst into tears.

How could this be?

I called Is.aac to the bathroom. I said something (I have no idea what) before I handed it to him.

"What does this mean?" he asked.

Boy, isn't that the question of the hour.

I have an appointment with my OB on Monday at 10. I told them I was concerned about ectopic. I will get blood work and an appointment for a scan then. So ...

I'm still in shock.

I still have no idea if this will even be viable in the long run.

I'm worried if it is viable because holy hell. I'm old. I wasn't taking prenatals or folic acid. We have so much on our plates now. Bed rest? Work? Child care? Where would we put a baby?

I don't know. There's so much to think about.

Still, we're both just amazed that the universe perfectly aligned so this could happen in the first place.

It's so very surreal.

*I typed this on my phone while at work. No proofreading or spell check. Sorry.

Holy Shit.

My mind has been blown.

Seriously.

I am in a total state of disbelief.

9 years of no birth control.

7.5 IVF's.

Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars spent.

And I get this today.

This was taken after about 30 seconds.
At the three minute mark, the lines were pretty
much the same intensity and thickness.
Maybe somewhere around 18-20 dpo?

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe how I am feeling right now.

I am concerned that this may not end well.

I don't know if that line represents beautifully doubling betas or if it is the downward spiral of a chemical.

There is also the risk of ectopic with my only tube the way it is?...was?

Fear is my overwhelming emotion right now. A glimmer of excitement is there, too.

Whoa.

I Swear, People.

So a full 78 days after I wrote my initial letter to the boys' school district, which is definitely out of compliance with the guaranteed time limit outlined in the law, they finally responded via letter.

What did the letter say you ask?

It said they denied my request for testing based on a lack of school records.

I'll let that sit for a bit.

Because it is such a surprise that my boys have no school records considering that they have yet to attend any school within the district, right?

Sigh.

The note was kind enough to say that I "could attend a SST (Student Study Team) meeting next week to discuss my child's case further." Wasn't that so nice of them?

It pisses me off that I have to proove that they are entitled to services again. I already gave the district copies of their medical report signed by the pediatrician, which states their diagnosis. I already gave them their therapy reports. And yet somehow the school district feels that they can deny testing.

Are they hoping I'll go away and not push the issue? Is it a deliberate attempt to at the very least delay testing until next year? If for some reason I couldn't attend their meeting, they would most certainly do just that.

I know there are parents who don't know they can fight stupidity like this. The school district is gambling on that to get out of providing services for who knows how long.

I am just so, so angry I could spit.

All of this is totally against the law, of course. The boys automatically qualify for special ed services because of their cerebral palsy (orthopedic impairment) and hydrocephalus (other health impairment). Under the Child Find mandate, the district is required to identify and evaluate all children with disabilities.

The Wrightslaw webpage states it pretty plainly:

 

"The law about the requirement to evaluate if requested by the child’s parent is clear and unambiguous:

"A State educational agency, other State agency, or local educational agency [school district] shall conduct a full and individual initial evaluation ... either the parent of a child, or a State education agency, other State agency, or local educational agency may initiate a request for an initial evaluation to determine if the child is a child with a disability." 20 USC 1414(a)(1)

I want them to be evaluated because I want to ensure that they have every opportunity to be successful in school. It is their right under the law.

Things are going to get interesting around here.

A Perfect Birthday Celebration

The boys helped me blow out my birthday candles. Those candles didn't stand a chance. :)

Friday Night Leftovers

I woke up yesterday to the boys arguing, in what could only be described as a whisper yell, about when to tell me "Happy Birthday." One insisted it was supposed to be a surprise. (Which is funny as they had been doing a countdown with me every night since Jack's birthday, so they knew I knew about it.) The other insisted that no, he was supposed to tell me right this moment. It was pretty funny.

Usually I am on spring break for my birthday. This year was the first time since I started working in this district that I had to actually be at work on my birthday. My coworkers took me to lunch and bought me a cookie. It was very nice!

At home, the boys sang to me and helped me blow out an imaginary candle. (We didn't have any on hand. It didn't matter, though. Imaginary was good enough for everyone. lol)

I decided today I was going to gift myself a day off from work. It has been wonderful!

~~~

Monday was my blogoversary. I had a post ready to celebrate the day, but in the end I just didn't feel like celebrating anything and didn't post it.

I am still trying to figure out how to process what happened in Boston. I keep finding myself back at anger as my overwhelming feeling. It makes me angry to know that there are people who will deliberately hurt others for their own cause. It isn't a pleasant feeling to have.

~~~

I found out yesterday that one of my former students, one who brought me flowers several years after I had him to thank me for everything, passed away from leukemia on Wednesday. He was just 20 years old--a young man who had such promise! So bright and talented and sweet...

I'm so sad.

~~~

I finished Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn. It was a fast read, managing to keep me reading, but I do have to say I'd figured some of it out long before everything is revealed. (I don't want to give away too many details.) I was also somewhat disappointed at how it ended.

That being said, I did recommend it to a few people, and I bought another book by the author. Ahem.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Birthday

Today I turn 41.

Yikes.

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around that number.

41. It feels foreign to even say write it.

It wasn't long ago when I thought that 40 was ancient, and now somehow, I've found myself one year past that.

I don't feel 41...but then again, what is 41 supposed to feel like? It's a little bit surreal, I think.

I do know that I have a lot for which to be thankful. I know I've learned so much.

I also know I have a lot of living left to do.

To celebrate my 41 years on the Earth, here is a little meme--41 questions for this 41 year old. :)

~~~

1. Were you named after anyone?

No, I wasn't named after anyone. My dad insisted I be named Tina Marie, after a former girlfriend. (He swore he didn't like her, he just liked the name. Ahem.) My mom said hell no and named me St.acie. If you knew my mom, you'd know that her standing up about something like that was a pretty big deal. She must have really hated the thought of calling me Tina. Either that, or she really hated the idea of naming me after my dad's old girlfriend. :)

2. When was the last time you cried?

This afternoon while reading this blog post from the blog Chasing Rainbows. They just lost their precious son on Monday. My heart aches for them.

3. Do you like your handwriting?

Not particularly. I print better than I write in cursive.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

I don't care for lunch meat! lol. If I have to eat something, I do peanut butter. I know. I'm odd.

5. What is the best thing that happened today?

Having Jack run to me to give me kisses when I went to my mom's to pick the boys up after work.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

I think so. I'm a pretty nice person, I think. :)

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Define "a lot." lol. Probably.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes. They have never been an issue, and I rarely have sore throats.

9. Would you bungee jump?

No. I would sky dive, though.

10. Favorite cereal?

Captain Crunch! I am a twelve year old in a grown woman's body.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

No. My work shoes are slip on clogs, so that's a no brainer. I don't untie my tennis shoes, either.

12. Do you think you are strong?

Physically? Not really. I do have muscles, though! Mentally? I wish I was stronger.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?

Chocolate, but I don't really like ice cream.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes. Then their hair. Crazy hair freaks me out.

15. Red or pink?

I guess red.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

My feet. I have crooked toes. I never wear open toed shoes. It took Is.aac years before he could see my feet! lol

17. Who do you miss the most?

My dad.

18. What is the one thing you need to work on the most?

Saying no.

19. What color shoes are you wearing?

Gray slippers. I wore black shoes to work.

20. What is the last thing you ate?

Steak burritos. Yum.

21. What are you listening to right now?

The news is on television.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Green. It's calming!

23. Favorite smells?

Freshly bathed baby heads. :)

24. How important are your political views to you?

I have certain topics I feel passionate about, but I do not go out of my way to talk about politics with people as a general rule.

25. Mountain hideaway or beach house?

Mountain hideaway!

25. Favorite sports to watch?

On television, I like to watch football. In person, I like watching basketball.

26. Hair color?

Dark brown now. Speaking of, it's time to decide if I want to stay brown or go back to blond. Hm...

27. Eye color?

Hazel

28. Do you wear contacts?

No, but I'd guess that I am getting close to needing glasses. I think my eyes changed some after having Jack.

29. Favorite food?

Mexican. I do like burritos a lot.

30. Scary movies or happy ending?

Happy endings. I do not like scary movies. Life has been scary enough without adding to it.

31. Last movie you watched?

Um...I have no idea. It has been years since we've been to the theater. At home, I'd rather just watch sitcoms.

32. What color shirt are you wearing?

Gray.

33. Summer or winter?

Summer. I love the longer days and the warmth.

34. Favorite dessert?

Anything chocolate!

35. Strength training or cardio?

Strength training.

36. Computer or television?

Depends on my mood. Right now, computer.

37. What book are you reading now?

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

38/ What is on your mouse pad?

I do not own a mouse pad!

39. Favorite sound?

Laughter.

40. Favorite genre of music?

I'm pretty eclectic in the music category. I listen to it all. Right now, my radio is tuned to this channel.

41. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

I was cleaning up cake puke. It's a glamorous life I lead.

~~~

Thank you for sharing this journey with me!

Looking Up

Not sure what that constellation is called? I can probably tell you. Want to know what the weather will be this week? I'm your gal. It's to the point that Is.aac no longer bothers to watch the weather reports. He just asks me.

As a kid, I spent hours lying on the grass searching for shapes in the clouds and watching them float by. I read book after book about the sky. I did research reports on the weather for fun. (Yes, I was one of those kids in school. lol) One of my favorite childhood gifts was a telescope. I wanted to grow up and be a meteorologist, even! I loved all things to do with the sky and weather.

I still do.

Last summer was the first time the boys were at a point where I could take them outside so we could look up at the sky together. We had so much fun creating stories about the shapes we saw in the clouds.

Since then, they've discovered the weather app on my phone. They check it several times a week to see what the weather will be like, and then they verify the accuracy of the information every morning on our way to work/my mom's house.

For Christmas, the boys got their first telescope. For a number of reasons, we've not yet used it. We have using it for the first time on our summer bucket list. I don't know who is more excited about it, them or me.

I can't wait to see them looking up at the stars like I did as a child. I hope they love it just as much as I did. Who knows? Maybe they'll have aspirations of being a meteorologist, too. :)

~~~

This is the fourth part of the writing challenge. Thanks to Ellen for another fun writing topic. :)

What Drives Me Crazy

Effort is needed to accomplish pretty much everything in life.

Some things usually only need a bit of extra effort. Going to Target, for instance, is a simple task that we do regularly. The only extra step we have to take for our family to enjoy this outing is to hunt around the parking lot for the large carts with the attached extra front seats. (And then we have to sterilize them from top to bottom because ew.) It may take us a few minutes to locate one, but once we have, we are okay. It's easy peasy unless there are no extra front seat carts. Then it gets to be challenging, and I will admit that I have actually done some crazy configurations to get the entire family into the store when I'm on my own.

Some things we do need more effort. Planning longer trips, like the one we just took to SeaWorld, can never really be a thing we do on a whim. It takes a lot of research to ensure that we are set up for success. Coordinating schedules and doctor appointments/therapies is another area where we need to put forth more energy. The thing is, we do what needs to be done to make sure everyone in our family is able to have their needs met and enjoy life.

For the most part, extending extra effort for everyday things is just the way it is. I'm okay with that because I don't really think we're any different from any other family in that regard. I want to believe most families have to extend some sort of effort toward different areas of their lives, but I guess I don't really know that for sure.

So it probably isn't surprising that it drives me crazy when people are unwilling to make an effort to do things that they'd like or need to do, especially when there are no major physical or mental obstacles before them.

People who make excuses for others so they do not have to work (or be responsible for something) boggle my mind.

People who are smart but so lazy they won't try to learn frustrates me to no end. 8th graders are notorious for this kind of behavior.

People who want to do something but make no effort to do that thing because it seems "hard" (and then complain about it) make me want to scream.

Maybe it bothers me to see people not even try because things are not always easy for us. Maybe it is just because that is not how I think about life in general. I do know it pains me to see people, who have everything going for them, do nothing at all.

It reminds me of a quote I have posted on my classroom wall: "Hard work  (effort)spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." ~Sam Ewing

In our family we push up our sleeves, and I like it that way.

~~~

This is the third part of the writing challenge. Thanks to Ellen for another fun writing topic. :)

Friday Night Leftovers

We are back from our trip to San Diego (or "Santiago" as my boys insist on calling it) today. We had so much fun.

The boys loved the hotel room. They were more excited about that than anything else when I told them we were taking a trip.

Jack loved the hotel room phone.
He would not leave it alone.

They were so good while we were gone. Sh.awn has a tendency to get overwhelmed when he does new things, but he handled himself like a champ. Jack was our wild card, because he had not been anywhere with us yet, but even he was a rock star. Ja.son talked the entire time we were gone. I am surprised he has a voice left after all of that talking.

Ha! Is.aac ended up on the pull
out couch the first night.
Jack and I slept on the other bed.

The weather was great, too. I managed to go most of the day at SeaWorld without a jacket. That's pretty big in my always cold world.

Is.aac with a bit of sunscreen on his face.

We slathered on the sunscreen as you can see above. No one got sunburned but me, of course. I apparently wasn't as careful on the application of my own sunscreen as I was when I applied it on the boys. Ouch.

The boys each had a favorite part of the day and we tried to make sure they each got a chance to do what he wanted. Ja.son loved the Turtle Reef exhibit, Sh.awn was all about the Shamu show, and Jack loved the Sesame Street water area.

~~~

Today was the official end to my vacation. It goes too fast!

I have 44 days left of school. I can make it. I hope.

~~~

I set up the big boys' water therapy evals for two weeks from now. We take them in to have them assessed on their needs and then they'll come up with a therapy plan. I am excited by this therapy. I hope the boys love it.

I still have to get appointments for the neurologist, orthopedist, and neurosurgeon (with CT scans). Ugh.

~~~

The school district finally called about the letters I sent in the day I enrolled the boys. I asked for an eval for the boys, among other things. At the very least, there needs to be a 504 for Ja.son and an IEP for Sh.awn because I know there is an expressive speech delay.

I knew the district was out of compliance, but I was sort of biding my time once they missed the 30 day timeline to respond. I figured if they were panicked over making nice, I could use that to our advantage.

I was right. They are panicked. Now I have to see how I can use that to help us get what we need. Wish me luck.

~~~

My mom is going to come watch the boys tomorrow (Saturday) so Is.aac and I can go out for dinner. Yeah!

~~~

Today, the 12th, was my dad's birthday. It's um...yeah.

~~~

The 15th of this month is my 6 year Blogoversary. I can't believe it's been that long since I started blogging. It feels like longer. It doesn't feel like it's been that long, too.

~~~

My birthday is next Thursday. 41. OMG. How did that happen?

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Watching Through A Window

Every summer during my elementary school years, I was lucky enough to go summer camp for ten days. The first year I went, the summer before I went into second grade, I was the youngest camper in the group. I loved being there by day, but by night I was miserable. I felt like such a little baby because I missed home so badly it hurt and I cried for hours each night at bed time.

After the third night of this, a sweet counselor took pity on my pathetic soul and came to sit with me in my bunk. (I'd like to think that the counselors took pity on me each night, but only this night really stands out in my memory now.) She held my hand and told me stories, essentially easing me into slumber with her words. Oh how I loved that counselor!

Early on during our nightly talks, she taught me a hand signal. Three quick squeezes of your hand equalled three important words - I. Love. You. I thought it was our secret sign. That counselor would see me throughout the day and come check on me. Before she'd move on, she give my hand the signal and I'd feel like all was right in the world.

(Okay. Now that I think about it, it sounds a tiny bit creepy. It totally wasn't.)

Three squeezes for three words. I. Love. You. I've taught every important person in my life, including my boys, that hand signal. I love the ability to be able to communicate that sentiment to the ones I love.

~~~

When my nieces and nephew were little, of course I taught them the hand signal. They loved the signal just as much as I did as a kid, so they were often squeezing my hands at every chance.

One day, Is.aac and I were out on a date at a local restaurant. My brother, sister-in-law, and their kids happened to be at the same restaurant, but we didn't see them until they were on their way out. They came to our table to say hello. We chatted for a bit before my sil hurried everyone toward the door.

My nephew, who was about six at the time, was in the middle of telling me about what happened at school when his mom decided it was time to go. He was rushed out the door without having the chance to even really say goodbye.

A few moments later, we watched through the window as they walked past on their way toward their car. My nephew saw me, stopped, held out his hand, and squeezed the air twice before my brother grabbed a hold of him to make him move. (My brother did not understand the gesture, having not been let in on the secret.) The last thing I saw was his arm reaching back to give me that last air squeeze.

Three squeezes for three words. I. Love. You. The memory of his arm up, squeezing air while my brother dragged him away, makes me laugh every single time I think about it, even after all these years sixteen years later.

~~~

This is the second part of her writing challenge. Thanks to Ellen for another fun writing topic. :)

In My Pocket

I was never what you would call a superstitious person. I had no problem walking under ladders or seeing black cats. I thought the hoopla over it all was pretty silly.

After we found ourselves struggling to conceive, little superstitions started to creep into my routine. I started wishing on the clock when the numbers were the same. "Please let us have a baby," I'd think. I had lucky socks to wear to appointments. I had socks I couldn't wear again because they had the misfortune of being on me the days I miscarried. I carried the first baby related purchase I made, a pair of baby socks, in my purse. I even had a crystal "fertility" bracelet, which I carried with me at all times, usually in my pocket. While I didn't think that those little rituals would be the answer to our issues, I surely felt like it couldn't hurt. Who was I to say what did or did not influence the universe?

Over time, the trinkets were one by one abandoned. The socks are now in the back of my drawer. The baby socks were washed and put in the boys' closet. I'll admit to still occasionally wishing on the clock, but now the wishes are for health and happiness of the ones I love.

~~~

The other day, Jack squirted his fruit pouch contents all over my jacket. I was about to head out on an errand, so I took it off and grabbed a different jacket from the closet as I left.

Halfway through Target is when I found it. It was no longer as shiny and a little yellower than I remembered, but the bracelet was still in my pocket after all this time.

I stopped in the middle of Target looking at this forgotten symbol of my family building. I'm sure it must have seemed funny to the other shoppers, a strange woman caressing a silly old bracelet in the middle of the cat food aisle. But there I stood for several minutes while I fingered the glass beads much in the same way I did at countless RE appointments. 

I slid the bracelet back into my pocket. I have since transferred the bracelet to my usual jacket's pocket.

I am not ready to let go of the hope of another child. And while I know that this small gesture will likely have no impact on the outcome of our family building, I couldn't resist.

It definitely can't hurt.

~~~

This is part of a writing prompt challenge. Thank, Ellen for the topic!

Friday Night Leftovers

I was playing with Jack in the big boys' bedroom. Ja.son came in with a wind up toy of Jack's. When the toy started playing music, Ja.son turned to me and asked me to dance. He grabbed my hands, we stood, and danced to "Jack and Jill Go Up the Hill" while tears rolled down my face.

My boy stepped back and forth to the beat of song. He cocked his head, smiled, and said, "Bet you didn't know I could do that." Cue more tears!

I will hold that moment in my heart always.

~~~

My first week of vacation is coming to a close. It is incredible how little I've managed to accomplish.

~~~

The boys are peppering me with why and what if questions. I think my brain is going to explode. I'm sorry, but I just don't know every single detail that goes into constructing a house or parking garage. Frankly, I am not all that motivated to find out, either. And no, I don't know what would happen if sparks touch a cloud. (Nothing is not an acceptable answer, apparently.) When I do have a good answer, they don't want to hear it anyway!

Someone posted this on my FB page. It made me laugh because it is so true!

~~~

My crankiness could be due to the little sleep I got because Jack had yet another pants off dance off last night and discovered YET AGAIN that it's COLD when you have no pants on. Ahem.

~~~

After an unfortunate incident* at my mom's, Sh.awn stopped going potty at her house. Then he stopped going potty at our house, too. It was drama.

I have had to tackle the who potty training thing with him again. This time Cadbury Robin Eggs is the key. The boy will do almost anything for chocolate. I think we are almost back to where we were pre-unfortunate incident.

*He was sitting on the potty when my brother's electric razor made a buzzing noise to indicate it was done charging. Sh.awn is not a fan of loud noises and definitely doesn't like unexpected loud noises. He was traumatized enough to scream at the very prospect of entering any bathroom. sigh.

~~~

Both of Ja.son's two front teeth are loose. He doesn't want them to come out because there are no teeth there to replace them yet. LOL. I told him that most people don't have their permanent teeth waiting to move right in when they lose their teeth.

~~~

Jack has started to say "Sorry!" when he does something he thinks he shouldn't. It cracks me up.

~~~

I already posted this on Facebook, but I think it's too funny not to share here.

Jack is a night owl and likes to stay up late. It is not unusual for him to be awake up to an hour (sometimes a little longer) after we put him to bed. He talks to himself and laughs or plays while he's in there, so it has never been too much of a big deal.

The other night he started crying his something is wrong cry. I run in there to see what is going on only to find him standing in the corner of his crib. When he saw me, he threw out his arms and said, "Ta dah!" He laughed and laughed.

Sigh. This boy is a character!

~~~

I think we'll be trying another short trip next week, which will include an amusement park and an overnight stay in a hotel. Fingers crossed that it goes well.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers. :)

Mostly Wordless Wednesday - Can't Believe He's 2

Mr. Jack turned two this weekend.

His favorite gift, the box from one of his presents.

We had a quiet celebration of just us, my mom, and my brother.

He wanted nothing to do with his cake. (It was peanut butter, too!)

It's okay from afar.

It's not so okay up close.

He's telling me to take a hike when I offered him a taste.
The boy's definitely got his own opinions.

He opened a few presents.

Sometimes everyone joined in gift opening fun.

He took the job seriously.

He loves his new books.

He loved the money even more.
How does this kid already know about money?!!?

I can't believe how fast he's growing up. Just yesterday, he was this tiny big baby. (You are never tiny when you start out at 10 pounds.) :)

Just after he was born (after I had finally stopped throwing up)

5ish hours old

5ish hours old

And now he's my big two year old.

Oh man this kid is so loved!

Void

Thursday was the anniversary of my dad's death. He has been gone for five years now. While the raw, unable to breathe emotion has softened during that time, the void left by his loss is still palpable.

I miss him.

I am still angry that at the exact same time I was leaning against a hospital window pleading with God to help my son and stop the heartache my family was going through, my dad's life was ending three hundred miles away in an automobile accident.

I think he would have really gotten a kick out of these boys of mine. I know they would have loved being with him.