IVF Questionnaire

Back in the day when we were first trying to get pregnant, I was part of an IVF forum. There I met some really wonderful women, and I am lucky enough to still call them dear friends.

One of those women, Jody, contacted me asking for help. She has started "a research study on IVF, Informed Consent, and the role of emotions in IVF decision-making. [She is] trying to prove (against researchers' arguments to the contrary) that infertile women are not so desperate to get pregnant that they lack the capacity to consent to IVF. Yes, people are actually saying stupid stuff like that."

Can you imagine?

Take away our ability to consent because we are so desperate to get pregnant we can't make a rational decision about IVF?

It's such a scary thought...one that makes me outraged!

I doubt there is another group as educated and knowledgeable of their bodies and what they are doing to them than the women going through infertility, in particular IVF.

We talk! We research! We make informed decisions based on the information presented to us!

You guys, Jody needs our help.

She has an online survey that she needs to go viral...it's posted on Resolve's site right now. The survey is 30-45 minutes. They are also giving away Amazon gift cards.

Click here for more info. She's also posted about it on the Lost & Found. (Look for the blurb about research with her name)

Take the survey.

Blog about it.

Tweet it.

Help Jody get the word out.

Make sure those of us still in the trenches will continue to have a say in our own treatment.

Thank you!

Friday Night Leftovers - Hodgepodge

• While the beginning of the week was pretty dismal, the ending was much better. Here's hoping the brighter feelings last.
• I broke down and bought Jack a few 12 month sleepers. He's growing so fast!
• My guess is that he should have started wearing that size a few weeks ago (he was getting to the point where he had scooped necks and 3/4 sleeves), but I just didn't want to go there. I am good at the denial game.
• Plus, there weren't many cute "baby" looking sleepers in that size. The ones that I found looked more big boy than baby, which just made me sad. Boo.
• He recently got his third tooth. He now has his bottom two front teeth and his top right canine tooth.
• The big boys got their canine teeth first, too. Odd.
• 6 days until the big boys' birthday. They are so excited, and it's really cute to watch them anticipate their birthday this year.
• I think I got them some gifts that they'll really enjoy. I even got them some stage 1 readers! They're definitely ready for them. I mean, they walk around sounding out the first letter of every. word. they. hear.
• They are usually right. They tend to only get caught up on the letters "c" and "k".
• I am contemplating taking the day off so we can take them to the zoo, just the four of us.
• May not be able to get Is.aac off of work, though, so it may have to wait until the weekend.
• The psycho SIL is pregnant again. Of course it was super easy for them to actually get pregnant after they decided. Grr.
• It's wrong, but I hope they have a girl. She wants a boy. (I know that isn't very nice of me, but dude...she is a psycho, and if her girl is such a big bully, I'd hate to see what a boy child of theirs would be like.)
• That means that every single one of the cousins on Is.aac's side of the family will have had a baby in a 14 month period.
• We had a magazine fundraiser at work. Teachers were able to get a really good deal on the price, so I ordered lots of magazines for us.
• I have eclectic tastes:
• I ordered Time (wanted Newsweek, but it was more) so I can find out what is happening. Nick Jr. isn't cutting it when it comes to updating me on the world news.
• I also ordered Star, because...well, everyone needs to be able to read fluff every now and then. :-)
• The boys got some children's magazines, too, while Is.aac got a subscription to Men's Health.
• I'm excited to get them all.
• Therapy continues to be an issue. Just got a message today (they called the home phone even though they have my cell phone and know I won't be home) that Ja.son's OT is cancelled for the entire week.
• Makes me want to smack people over all of these stupid issues we're having with them.
• I'll be good and not.
• Yet.

More Tales From the Hood

Today, at this afternoon's outdoor assembly, I looked over at one of my students to see him licking, yes LICKING, the. bottom. of. his. shoe.

I'm not talking about a quick little dab.

I am talking about dragging his tongue repeatedly over the bottom of his shoe. REPEATEDLY.

WTF, people. This kid is in 8th grade!

You would not believe the internal tug of war I had in those few seconds after I saw the first lick.

Do I stop him?

Or instead, do I let natural selection work its course?

Oh, the decisions one must make as a public school teacher.*

As I stood there debating whether I wanted to stop him from ingesting some horrible germ, a girl next to him spotted what he was doing, too. She freaked and made him stop.

Sigh.

This school year has been tough. There is the whole drama of the sh.oo.ting/trial and the aftermath to deal with, but there is something more to it.

My kids this year are just...odd.

There I said it.

My students are nut jobs. (not all of them, of course, but enough to make me seriously wonder what the hell is in our city's water)

No wonder I am so tired.


*I was leaning toward making him stop, but the budding scientist in me was curious. I just have to admit that. Ahem.

Brain Purge

Edited to add:

You may have noticed that I haven't published the comments you've left. I hope you don't mind if I keep them to myself right now. You all have been very supportive, and I am very appreciative. Thanks, guys.

---

I am okay. Just thought I needed to say that before I wrote whatever came to mind. I'm just getting it out of my head right now.

---

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Been doing that a lot lately. My head has gone to dark places.

For some reason, I am good at making myself suffer, even better at beating myself up over the little things. Lord knows there are loads of little things.

I pull into myself when I get into these moods. I used to think that it was so I could clarify things in my head. I would take a day or two to regroup and then be ready to move on to the next challenge. Now I wonder if I don't do that as yet another way to punish myself. If I don't allow myself to talk about things, to take care of myself, then reason has it that it would take longer to feel better.

I wonder if my moods have been so dark because I may have slipped into PPD? Maybe it's the PTSD issues again still?

Maybe it is just the timing of things with all of these anniversaries surrounding the boys and their birth?

Sigh.

---

I do know I was very depressed after the boys' birth, the peak (or bottom I suppose depending on your perspective) of those emotions hit in March/April. The boys were about 6 months old.

It was only after I started to feel better that I could look back and really see it.

Where I am at right now doesn't even scratch the surface of where I was at back then. These feelings are nothing compared to that time. Seriously.

But it is interesting to me that Jack is 6 months old...maybe this is just how my head deals with all of these hormonal shifts and changes?

---

The big boys turn 4 in nine days. They are wildly excited, wanting only to have lots of balloons, a rainbow cake, and the people they love around them. It is really very sweet to hear them talk about their party.

I hate that I still can't think about the boys' birth without all of the other...what do I call it? stuff? that seems too trivial. drama doesn't seem right either...events wrapped up along with it in some sort of warped yin yang. It saps joy from their birth for me, something that is totally unfair to all of us.

So I fake it.

I am faking it as I plan for their day. But, it sucks that I have to.

---

Sometimes I wonder where all my courage went.

I miss her--that fearless girl who went after whatever she wanted. She was a fighter, man. I was proud of her. I was proud being her.

There isn't much to be proud of when you'd rather just pull the covers over your head and avoid everything.

 I don't, mind you, but I would love to.

---

If this is the peak/bottom of these feeling (oh, please let it be) then the light is coming soon.

I just need to find it and hold on.

---

The boys finally had their ortho appointments today. It was It is over. We got scripts for their new orthotics and walkers/gait trainers. The shitty part is that there is a possibility of more surgery in the future, although that won't be for at least 6 months to a year from now. You know that will mean we will end up at that point, because you know, it's us we're talking about. Sigh. I think my children are surgery junkies. :-(

I'm Just Done. And It's Only October.

That show aired last Friday. After watching it, I was left with the same frustration that I've had for a long time. It pisses me off to no end that the only two people who are talking are two of the biggest nuts from the whole situation. Ugh. (Of course they are getting all the attention...the media loves crazy, and these two have enough crazy for all of us.)

Therapy continues to be a huge stresser. Sh.awn's had 5 sessions canceled (2 we did because they were sick) while Ja.son's had three canceled. Yeah. Sounds fun, right? After my carefully constructed schedule was set (remember it took an entire hour), Sh.awn's therapist injured her shoulder (and got pregnant). No one is there to cover her on one of the days I set. Before explaining that to us, they'd wait until about 5 the day before his appointment to call and say he was canceled for the next day.

So, we are back to trying to squeeze in yet another therapy session on a third day a week to make sure Sh.awn gets all his time.

Jason can't stand his OT. Like, he won't even let her talk to him without losing his shit. This is the ONLY person in the entire building he has reacted to in that way. She'll come tell him she wants to play with him and he'll tell her no he wants to play with someone else. Every time. Then he cries. Every time.

Sigh.

She isn't my favorite person either (she doesn't relate well with kids and has yet to read his eval from what I can tell), but wouldn't you know it that we are stuck with her. If we don't use her, then we'd have to go to a four day a week schedule. That prospect makes my head explode.

All of the NICU emotions are in play here, too. Yesterday is the anniversary of Sh.awn's water breaking. I hoped I'd be over this crap by now. Apparently not.

My relationship with Is.aac is strained. We are doing a lot of bickering; I am just plain tired of always feeling like I do everything wrong. He has this way of nitpicking about everything I do...and well, it just sucks. I can usually blow that kind of crap off, but it is harder to shake now. Plus, even when he is supposed to be helping me, it feels like I still have all of my shit AND his shit to take care of...

I am stressed.

I am overwhelmed.

I am sad.

I am angry.

I am still not in a good place, and I can't quite figure out how to get my head out of this funk.

Of Course

And they're going to retry the case. Great. I expected it, but damn if it would have been nice to be wrong. Sigh.

I'd rather focus on happier things right now...like this.

Wordless Wednesday - Here Comes the Sun...

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