Day 21 of Bed Rest...

Tomorrow will be week 23. Yay. Both my babies are looking good and my cervix seems to be holding steady due to the cerlage and bed rest. All of these things are pointing to a happy ending with this pregnancy. I couldn't be happier (well I guess I could be happier if I wasn't on the bed rest, but you get my point).

At the start of this confinement, twenty-one days seemed like a lifetime away. I was sure that I would lose my mind. I must admit that I had several dark days in the beginning. I am okay about doing this now and the time seems to have blended together. It doesn't really seem like that long. I wonder if I'll look back at the end of the pregnancy and think the same thing?

But...

I am still struggling with the fairness of it all. Not so much with is it fair that I have to be on bed rest after working so hard to get pregnant in the first place while the rest of the world seems to go on blissfully in their easy pregnancies. No, I am struggling with the fairness of me being on bed rest while my husband is able to go do what he wants. How sad is that?

I still have considerable anger inside toward my husband. It doesn't show up very often and I don't think of it really, but it is there. I know it isn't healthy. I know it hurts our relationship. It is there none the less. We even went to counseling for it. Still there.

I blame my husband for me having to do all of this infertility shit. I blame him for making me wait until I was old and had high fsh and few eggs before he would even think of having kids. I blame him for the shots, the procedures, and maybe even the miscarriages. That "if I was younger I wouldn't be going through this" feeling was/and now is there.

Now I blame him for the bed rest. I can rationalize that it isn't his fault that my cervix is shortening. It isn't his fault that my body is reacting this way to being pregnant. But then I think "Or is it?" and I am back to the "if I was younger I wouldn't be going through this".

I have tried talking to my husband about these feelings and I thought he understood where I am at. I feel like this bed rest thing is a COUPLE issue not just a ME issue. I believe that we both are on bed rest now. That doesn't mean that he shouldn't go to work or do the things that need to be done to keep the house working. I just thought that it should be that he does the essentials and then spends the rest of the time at home.

He, however, has a different perspective. He feels that he is doing all of this extra work now and he needs some time away. So, he went to go to his cousin's football game on Friday and a poker game on Sunday. He spent most of both days out of the house. I am the one on bed rest, not him.

I have a problem with that.

Am I wrong to think that?

I realize he is doing a lot around the house and for me. I do appreciate it very much. I know it isn't easy for him either. But, if the tables were turned, and he was the one on bed rest, I would be there with him as much as possible.

Sigh...only about 12 more weeks of bed rest to go...

***************

Here are some pictures of the babies and my expanding stomach

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*


Me at 19 weeks (the week before bed rest):



Me at 22 weeks:



The babies looking at each other. They are elbow to elbow with their foreheads together. You can see the back of one baby's head and his ear (in the center of the picture) and the nose, lips, and chin of the second baby (in the bottom left hand corner of the picture).