- 16 days. There will hopefully be a baby here in 16 days. One that will come home with me and not stay in the hospital for months on end (hopefully). What am I going to do with a baby straight from the hospital? OMG. What am I going to do?
- Cue panic.
- The cousin who had her baby on the 3rd, takes her baby home today. I am happy and excited for her. The irrational part of me is jealous of her, too. She already knows her baby is okay and is getting to take her baby home! Already! Me? I am still in a limbo land of hoping with all I've got that my baby makes it to the outside safe and sound.
- Don't get me wrong. I don't want to have him early. I need the 16 days I've got left to get to some sort of semblance of...preparation. But still. I hate living with this uncertainty. If I had him, I'd know one way or the other how this will all play out. Will he be mine, or won't he? Ugh!
- Um, I am now starting to freak about the upcoming c-section, too. The memories of the healing process have begun to break through the fog of my mind. Yikes.
- The thing that worries me most about the section, though, is the constipation I had for WEEKS afterward. Constipation and a c-section are not a good mix, let me just tell you that.
- What if I can't breastfeed again? I am almost afraid to even try. The disappointment will be hard to take. I am not even sure if I want to breastfeed. Do I want to, or do I feel like I have to? I just don't know...
- So I bought some formula just in case. But I don't have bottles yet. How is that for inconsistent?
- I decided that I have to bank this baby's cord blood. I would have banked the boys' cord blood, but I was in such a state of denial with them, I just didn't get a chance to do it before they came. I kick myself because of that. This time, I felt like it was a must. There is a 25% chance that this baby will match one or both of the boys, and while they are not using donor stem cells in this way yet, there have been studies done on stem cells and treating CP. I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn't take this chance that it might help Sh.awn and/or Ja.son or BabyLo himself.
- Still no crib has been put up for the baby. I was going to do that today. Not feeling motivated yet...maybe I will in a bit. Maybe I won't. Sigh.
- I do have a mattress, though. I suppose if all else fails, I can just put the baby on the mattress on the floor. Lol. (kidding! mostly.)
- That is the story of my life lately. There is the urgency to get things done that is coupled with this complete and utter lack of motivation. WTF is wrong with me?
Clearly I am losing my mind.
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13 comments:
Oh good lord I'm just so friggin excited for you. It's getting so close, I can't imagine the panic/excitement/madness that's going on with you right now. Honestly, props to you for sitting down and typing this post...and hey, it serves as a to-do list so I'd say you're definitely one giant leap closer to getting things "to-done"!
I'm thinking about you all the time. Keep us updated!
I was like that a few weeks ago, so much to do making me anxious and yet not doing it because it didn't seem real or i was too tired :) i couldn't sleep. then i wrote out a list and felt better.
Pregnancy absolutely and completely makes us lose our minds. I can totally sympathize with all the conflicted feelings you are having. {{{Hugs}}} and I am so excited for you!
I thought of banking cord blood, as there are Phase III trials that show great promise in severely progressed MS- but we didn't. I hope I don't regret it, but I think if it was another child I was banking it for, I probably would have just spent the money.
As far as BF goes, I still have PTSD from last time. Though I would somewhat liked to have gotten the chance to try again, needing to be on meds was almost a relief. It was easier to never start this time than to start and fail miserably last time.
Hi there! I may be able to help with something...want to BF after c-section? Ask for him ASAP afterwards. Hold him as much as you can. The milk will come in, and when it does, BFing is SOOO easy. Never got the chance with the triplets. But boy did things kick in with Chloe! Miraculous. Just ask for pain meds compatible with BFing. At first, you can position the baby face down against your breast, and use lots of pillows :D
It's fine for the baby to only get colostrum for the first two days until your milk comes in. That's supposed to happen. The thing that my lactation consultant always urged and that I think made a huge difference is that you can have written orders that say no pacifiers/bottles and any formula supplements that are necessary should be given by cup or feeding syringe to avoid nipple confusion. But if you feed every two-four hours and the baby doesn't get any formula, believe me, your milk will come in super fast!! I found the following site so helpful...
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/concerns/c-section.html
Good luck! We can't wait for more updates!
My mom told me each and everytime I got anxious about getting them out of my body...."they are much easier to take care of, feed, change...on the inside"
She was SOOOO right. ;-)
Can we at least get a list of the names you are deciding between ?
Go buy magnesium in capsule form for the constipation. No tummy cramps/misery. Just pooping. My IBS constipation issues swear by it.
I did the same thing when I was pregnant with the boys. I was so worried that something would go wrong, that I was practically paralyzed to do anything else. And when I was put on bedrest a week before the boys came (2 weeks before the c-section), I still didn't have much done. Only now I was as big as a house and couldn't bend over. Your state of mind sounds *exactly* like me. I didn't want to get to many things for the boys and be reminded of tragedy if things went poorly. I didn't want to be completely unprepared we took the boys home as well.
However, no matter how much you actually prepare, you won't know exactly what you need for this baby until after he comes. No matter how many bottles you get (or don't get), you won't know if he is a champion nurser and you love breastfeeding or if you both hate it. With the crib, if you are bf'ding (or even if you aren't), he can come with you in the bed. He won't know the difference!
Don't worry yourself to death about what should be done and not done. Hindsight is 20/20 so they say. You will have what you need or be able to get it shortly. If you hospital is anything like mine, you will be able to grab a ton of free mini formula nursing bottles/nipples and the like before you go!
All will be well. Breathe (and try to enjoy) the last few weeks of your healthy pregnancy! :D (easy for me to say, right!!)
I did CBR for the cord blood and I recall I chose them because I knew I was having a c-section again, and there was something (sadly I can't remember the specifics) about how CBR did something slightly different for c-section retrieval that was supposed to be better. I know it is not the most helpful info, but if you call CBR I am SURE they would be happy to explain it.
Get something done now, so you can rest this upcoming week and take it all in. And remember to breathe!
Despite the sense of panic that comes across in your post it's all very exciting. It's crunch time and before you know it you will be home with your healthy and beautiful baby. Good luck over the next 16 days and we all look forward to keeping up with your progress, let's just hope the baby doesn't have to sleep on a mattress on the floor ;)
You are not loosing your mind, you are fearful of what has happened and are uncertain about do the preparations!! I TOTALLY get it!!
I'm dying to hear at least 3 name likes :)
Think it oner ....but will you br(//
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