Something

Funny how hard it is to find something productive to do with myself when there actually is all the time in the world to actually find that something to do. Yes, I am working. We're making the transition to online learning, which is much easier for me to do than others I've found. I integrated plenty of technology into my curriculum. We regularly used online tools and platforms in class. However, it is quite clear that many of my fellow teachers were not doing the same. I've been fielding calls all day long about how to this or that online.

And yes, I am helping the boys with their schooling. S's learning takes more attention and direction from me as he needs the direct learning support, so I do spend a while focused on him. The littlest is a bit adhd, so he needs some one on one time as well. J, thankfully, is quite self sufficient, which is helpful.

Still there is a lot of time left in the day. Time that I could be doing so much more than I am currently doing. I sit down and get lost in the television or FB or email, and before I know it, the day is gone. I'm not even playing games on my phone any more. It's strange.

Supposedly being in a state of trauma response is exhausting. Avoidance is the coping strategy when a person feels powerless. I don't know that I would say what I am feeling is a sense of powerlessness, but maybe that's it? I don't know.

The time does remind me of how I felt when I was on bed rest back when I was pregnant with the twins. All those weeks doing nothing but moving from the bed to the couch to the bathroom. I had so much time then, too, but ended up doing nothing with it.

I've decided I need to find something fun to do this weekend. I need the outlet. I need to feel like I've accomplished something...anything. Here's hoping I find it.