Waves and Such

I've reached out to several friends I have in the education world. Although I wouldn't have necessarily thought so at first, I am blessed to know quite a few very knowledgeable people in a wide array of fields, and when asked, they all readily jumped in to help. Mostly that was through giving me information and connecting me to others who may be able to help, but still, I quickly found that I was not exactly alone in this fight to get what I think is best for Sh.awn. People wanted to help any way they could.

 

I am grateful.

 

One of my friends commented that she didn't know how I do it, that her son was upset about going to school and cried in class for a week. She said she almost fell apart with worry and heartache. "This can't be easy for you," she said.

 

It didn't help when that stupid online quiz that asks "What is your parenting style?" told me that I am "Overwhelmed." You ain't kidding, stupid quiz. I am.

 

It is during times like this when I really question how strong I am. Frankly, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I don't, obviously, but that doesn't mean I don't want to at times.

 

My stomach is in knots, my digestive track may never be the same again, I struggle to shut my mind enough to even sleep at night and there have been some pretty heated conversations between my husband and I over all of this (he didn't know what to do and thought I was overreacting originally), but I am trying to direct my frustration in a way that will get Sh.awn and the rest of us what we need.

 

For me, there is comfort in action. When things are taken completely out of my hands, I struggle. The mere act of sending the boys to school and not having direct contact with that process outside of homework and emails to the teacher has been really hard. But, I try to focus on the fact that even though it may seem otherwise a lot of the time, there are good people out there (of which the teacher is included) who do care about my boys.

 

But this kind of situation reminds me that there are so many other parents who don't know what to do when things like this happen. They don't know they can fight back. They are pressured or intimidated into doing what the district says. It makes me angry to know if the district is willing to do something like this to us, then they are doing this to other kids/families, too.

I can't stop thinking about those other kids...those other families of kids with special needs. What do they do when they meet resistance? I know I can fight for my kids, and I have the expectation that with determination (and probably some sweat and tears) I will ultimately be able to make things better for my boys, maybe not with this issue but definitely overall.

 

As uncomfortable as it is for me to make waves, this is what I need to do to help make things better for my kids. I know that, so I do what needs to be done. But, I guess there is the bigger picture--maybe the other kids in the district need me to stand up when I see something is wrong, too.

~~~

For what it is worth, the first email I sent went largely unanswered. I replied with a much stronger worded email which included the IEP accommodations that this decision blatantly ignores.

I am dealing with the manager of special ed for the district. I also cc'd the superintendent and the associate superintendent (the manager's direct superior). When she replied, the two superintendents were conveniently left off of the reply, suggesting that I may have hit a nerve with her. I, of course, was forced to bring the sups back into the loop with my second email.

In the long run, I may only succeed in making this person sweat (and ultimately changing his IEP so it doesn't happen again). I have a strong sense of urgency...each day there is no resolution, the longer Sh.awn is dealing with this upheaval in his world.

We shall see what round two brings.  

Technically

It's interesting what happens when things are based on that word "technically."

Technically, I had eggs and milk for dinner. So what that those eggs and milk were part of a delicious cake and ended up with little to no nutritional value added to my diet?

We are now in another battle with the school district. Less than four days after we signed the IEP, the school district decided to pull the aide Sh.awn has had for the last several months, the one who has helped him overcome some pretty challenging physical and behavioral obstacles, and move her somewhere else. They did so without any warning on our part, and didn't even let Sh.awn or the teacher say goodbye to her.

Poof. Just like that, she was removed from his life forever.

The district is now saying this aide was always "temporary" for Sh.awn (news to us) and she is needed elsewhere. The district's solution is to give Sh.awn a temporary aide, one who does not know him at all, for "a few weeks" while a "permanent" aide who they "think will be a good fit" completes necessary paperwork and is hired. If the old aide was always considered "temporary," then why was no permanent replacement hired? It isn't like they didn't know that one would be needed. Why take the one he knows before a replacement has been found?

It has even been suggested that Sh.awn's teacher take time away from her entire class in order to train the current temporary aide. (Not her job at all, and frankly, as a teacher this upsets me on a whole other level.) I can only guess that she would have to do that yet again when the permanent aide has been hired.

How can that be fair to Sh.awn, especially when it is well known that he needs structure and routine in order to thrive in his academic setting, to force him to undergo transitioning through two new aides? How can that be fair to the teacher or the rest of the class?

This is going to be a huge setback for Sh.awn, who will feel it the most, and also for all of the students in his class. We have the unique perspective of seeing both sides of this issue. We see how it impacts Sh.awn when he does not have consistency. Behaviors that had been eradicated for the most part, have now returned and will likely continue for the foreseeable future without a consistent permanent aide to help him succeed. We also see how it impacts Ja.son, along with the other students in the class, when the teacher is called away from the class to help an aide learn how to help Sh.awn. Ja.son's education will be disrupted as well.

It is behavior like this that gives schools and school districts a bad name.

Technically, the district has provided an aide. Technically, that is all that is required of them.

Technically, this is all just shitty.

The adults responsible for moves like this should be ashamed of themselves.

Sigh.

Finally

(This is a follow up on Sh.awn's IEP meeting.)

At the end of October, we had the boys' initial IEP meeting. (You remember, the one with SEVENTEEN people sitting around talking about my boys.)

For months now, I've been going back and forth with the school district. My sticking points were that they arrived at a very low result for Sh.awn's IQ. I also disagreed with some of the verbiage they used to describe some of Sh.awn's behaviors. When I signed the paperwork to allow testing, I knew there might possibly be a lower result than what I'd suspect his true IQ would be. I based that assumption on my gut feeling he has an expressive language disability. So, I thought of be prepared if it actually happened. Unfortunately, the number they produced for my boy was so far skewed that there is NO WAY it is a valid indication of his mental ability. (Actually, it was nothing short of insulting.) The psych, herself, even stated that she felt it underrepresented his ability.

While it was at least (a small) something that she added that statement, I could not allow something like this become part of his permanent record. My gut just knew there would be nothing to stop future educational settings from going back to that one number and using it to make judgments about Sh.awn's ability and/or his future educational path. That possibility was definitely not something I could ever be comfortable with. Plus, for him to qualify for other services in the future, there must be a discrepancy between his ability and his potential. With a number like this, there would never be a discrepancy. They'd expect nothing from him.

My boy who is working at grade level right now.

My boy who is sounding out words and attacking reading. Look at this!

My boy who has had every single person who works with him say he is a pretty bright kid.

My boy who already has to fight for everything. He should not have to fight for an appropriate shot at learning.

So, I refused to sign the IEP.

They got all huffy about how he wasn't receiving the services he needs! The services that will help him! What I was asking was unethical! Blah, blah, blah.

I countered with the fact that we started this process LAST JANUARY. It has been a year of dealing with this because of how they initially responded to my request to test him. Waiting a few more weeks until my concerns were adequately addressed was not going to hurt him any more. And look! He's on grade level academically ANYWAY.

Today we met with all of the district special ed big wigs. They moved the meeting from the school to the district office. (Trying to intimidate much?) They tried to convince me that they can't change the report. What about retesting him? (Hell no.) What about signing it and noting what we disagree with on the IEP? (Hello? How does that prevent any of my concerns?)

I stayed firm and refused.

They went back to the report to review. I explained my concern that this IQ score was calculated even though he failed to even attempt approximately half of the test and his behavior was such that he made it clear he was over answering the her questions relatively quickly. There is no way you can have an accurate result in that kind of situation?

I didn't back down, but eventually they did. They pulled all of the testing results that I refuted from his IEP. (I strongly believe they should never have included the results in their current form anyway.) They removed all of the areas in the report that I asked to have removed.

I feel better. His forms are now officially signed.

And Is.aac said I missed my calling as a lawyer. He swears he saw sweat appear on the lip of one of their "directors." LOL

When We Do Things, We Go All Out

So how many people do you need at a kindergarten IEP meeting times two? Let's see...

1) Kinder teacher (for S and J)
2) principal (for S)
3) vice principal (for S and J)
4) psych (for S and J)
5) OT (for S and J)
6) PT (I have dubbed her Bitch 2. Ahem. for S and J)
7) Speech (for S)
8) Vision specialist (ended up being worthless - for S)
9) Resource Teacher (who will take over as case manager - for S and J)
10) Behavior Specialist (for S)
11) Behavior specialist's administrator (to write the behavior goal - which he's already met, but we're leaving for the year just in case - for S)
12) nurse (Behold Bitch 1. Double Ahem - for S and J)
13) district special ed coordinator (for S and J)
14) OI specialist (from district level - for S and J)
15) some other lady who I can't even remember and I'm too tired to go look - she was district level, though. Not sure how. The district was totally out of compliance in a big way, so she was making sure they stayed in compliance now. (for S and J)
16) my husband
17) me

It was INSANE.

INSANE.

Total meeting time for both was 3.5 hours. Sh.awn's was at least 2.5 hours. Maybe more. Ja.son's was under an hour, I know for sure.

I tell you, when we do things, we go all out. There's no half-assing it around these parts, no sir.

Sigh.

There was so much info, and while I'd say overall it was okay I guess, there were some things that are bugging me and I'll need to address. Some of the assessments were done when Sh.awn was struggling so much and are basically invalid (and wrong in some cases) in my opinion. I still have to figure out how I want to handle that.

 

I think they are well intentioned for the most part. The principal redeemed herself somewhat. They are going to make actual modifications to the kinder room (new faucet and adaptor for the toilet) to allow Ja.son to be completely independent. Two, the nurse and PT, did piss me off, however, so they are in my watch list. I asked Is.aac if he got the same vibe from them, and he agreed that they were just plain bitchy. I may have got a bit sarcastic and said that perhaps his father and I have a better understanding of our own child than they did and to back the fuck off. You know, minus the fuck part because I know how to be civil.

 

The thing that upsets me most is that he was assessed at the start of the school year when he was having all kinds of behavior issues. That reflected in him not cooperating in some of the big testing (IQ for one). Sigh. He is a different kid in school now, so they'd get a totally different picture of what he is capable of doing if they did the testing now. In fact, they had to rewrite just about every goal they came prepared to offer because he'd already reached them or was just about to all on his own just since school started. (which...um, underestimate my boy much?)
 

We didn't sign anything yet. (They practically crapped their pants when I told them we'd not sign and were taking it home to discuss in private. lol) We'll get our copies tomorrow (they had computer issues and the program kept freezing). Is.aac and I will take the weekend to talk it out with each other and see if there is anything we'd like to tweak.

Sigh.

I'm exhausted. My brain has been fried.

 

Oh, I am not proofing this, so forgive whatever errors you see.