#MicroBlog Monday - Power of Words

"I love you," I told him as I tucked him.

"I don't love you," he replied.

Stricken, I kissed him again and went to his brother for his goodnight.

This has been a challenging weekend. One has discovered the power of words, wielding hateful things whenever he can simply to see the affect they have on their intended recipient.

The hard part for me is that it's come from nowhere, really. Usually he is the one who randomly calls out to me to check in. He's the snuggler, the lover.

So this stage - please let it be a stage - has hit me hard.

The first time it happened, I didn't handle it very well. In fact, my reaction may have been the stimulus to continue. He knew this tactic had hit home. (All while still managing to randomly call out his love to me in between the ugly.)

Right now my response it to give him no response and turn my attention to something else. But I don't know if even that is the right way to handle this. I just hope it ends soon.

Sigh.

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Stop by Mel's for more #MicroBlog Monday posts.

Theme for 2012 - Perspective

My theme for this year is perspective. Basically, my focus will be on taking more time to evaluate all the angles of a topic in an effort to make things more positive in my life. I have a tendency to get stuck on the negative, so this is something I'd really like to improve. A small change in the way I think about something can make a huge difference in the experience.

For my first attempt, I'm going to take a different perspective on the traditional new year resolutions. I hate the idea of looking at my life to find all that I do wrong so I can make it "right." If the purpose of these resolutions is to get us to reflect on our lives, then I'd rather highlight the things I want to continue.*

Things I want to continue this year: (in no particular order)

I've been trying hard to be kind to myself, which is something I've with which I have always struggled. I don't know why, but it was so much easier (and sadly more believable) to belittle myself with what I could have/should have done. I gotten better catching when I'd have those negative thoughts and countering them with something positive. It has been so good for me, so this is one thing I definitely want to continue.

I want to continue to spend quality time with my family. I love finding new, interesting things to do with them. Last year we had so much fun together. I hope this year can be equally fun.

I want to continue with daily writing on the boys' blog. I think right now, I've blogged daily for a year and a half--quite an accomplishment for me! At some point, I'm also going to convert the blog posts into books for them.

I want to continue writing here on this blog. I usually reserve this blog for what I consider my more raw feelings, and I treasure that I don't feel like I have to hide what I feel here. While I don't get here as often as I'd like, I do enjoy this space.

I want to continue to carve out time for myself in the day. I may not be able to do all of the "me" things I would like to do (does anyone?), but I have managed to do a little something for "me" each day.

I want to continue to push myself to do the things I don't really want to do. I am quite skilled at avoidance, which is something I don't especially like about myself. Over the last few months I've done a few things that were pretty big because I pushed myself to do them. They were hard, but they were good for me. I need more of that.

I want to continue to find ways to do something good for those outside of my circle. Hopefully, by watching me do good for others, my boys will learn to do the same.

I want to continue to give myself permission to not sweat the small stuff. It was easier to do than I thought it would be. :-)

I want to continue to do my shopping online. Oh how I love online shopping!

I want to continue to read blogs. I enjoy reading and blogging. Reading your blogs is a perfect combination!

So there it is, my first attempt at changing my perspective and looking at things in a new way. I'm going to add to my list as I think of things. I have to say that it feels so much better to focus on the positive in my life rather than all the ways I need to improve. :-)

Want to join me in changing the way we view new year resolutions? I'd love to hear what you want to continue next year.

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P.S. It's national comment delurking week. I'd love to hear from you all!

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*I've been working on this post in my head for a few days (since before I "officially" committed to my theme word Saturday on Prompt-ly), but I've discovered that Tesseract did something very similar on her post yesterday. :-) Great minds and all of that, right? lol. She got her idea from Monday Listicles from The Good Life.

A Change for Tomorrow

I'm here in bed, listening to Is.aac snore away beside me. I've been thinking about something that happening earlier and feeling a bit guilty.

This evening, after I said something to Is.aac, a little parrot mimicked my words and tone exactly. (got to love how kids do that, no?) I was shocked to hear what I said and how my child perceived that I said it.

Do I really sound that way when I talk to my husband? Oh man, I hope not.

I didn't think I was being negative...but I heard nothing but negativity in the parrot's version. Negativity over something small and petty!

I don't want the boys to hear me talk to their dad that way. I don't want them to think that it's okay to talk to anyone like that, let alone someone you love. I'm embarrassed and feeling pretty horrible about it even now.

Ugh. It isn't pretty when a mirror is held up to your face and you don't like the reflection staring back at you.

Sigh. A few days ago I said that each day starts fresh. Evaluate and make changes daily. This is definitely something that needs to be changed.