10 Months

I can't believe he'll be 1 in a few short weeks. He isn't exactly a baby anymore. I am still trying to figure out how to slow down time. It really is just speeding by this time around...

Backyard Fun

All of the stars aligned and we were finally able to play outside today. The boys were so excited!

Sh.awn throwing some sticks in his tunnel.

Ja.son and his stick garden.

Jack isn't exactly sure about grass.

Sh.awn cheesing it up!

Ja.son is reluctantly letting me take his picture here.
(I had to resort to bribery.)

He's just so...BIG now. (sniff, sniff)

Woody

While we were transitioning Sh.awn away from the wonderful nap time soother* paci, he took to two little figures of Buzz Lightyear and Woody. He now has two sets of these figures, one at our house and one at my mom's. Somehow both sets ended up at our house.

After a brief yet loud exchange with Sh.awn over which toys he wanted (see? jinxed myself), I told Is.aac what had happened.

Me: Sh.awn doesn't want two Woodys, he only wants one Woody.

Is.aac with a gesture down his body: Smart boy. That's all most of us can handle.

Ba dum dum.

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*If there is one thing that makes me regret this decision to wean the boy off of his beloved paci, it is that he no longer naps. At all. Let me just say that this is not a good thing. The boy needs to nap. Oh man, does he need to nap. Sigh.

Friday Night Leftovers

• It seems that someone opened a can of The Crazy at work and it's infecting everyone. Adults... kids...no one's been spared. Good grief has it been a week.
• You know, the kids with the most interesting personalities are NEVER absent. EVER. I think it must be an unwritten parental law or something.
• FYI - When a teacher tells you that you'll get a student of his and said teacher offers to take one of your most frustrating students as a "trade," it is a bad, bad, bad sign of what's to come.
• FYI #2 - Don't try to be all "Whatever, I can handle it." and keep both kids because you don't want to look like you can't in fact "handle it." You will KICK yourself.

• Jack has decided to start using his teeth and is biting. Me. Only me. I'm lucky like that.
• Dude, he bites hard, too.
• I use my sternest "No!" (which makes the big boys jump) and it doesn't even phase the little one.
• I am in trouble with him.

• I am afraid to write it and jinx it, but I may be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with Sh.awn's screaming. O.M.G. was it driving me insane. I couldn't decide if maybe there was a sensory issue happening with him or if it was an inability to express his needs that was causing it, so I think I was a bit on the hesitant side when it came to disciplining him. (I continually find myself guilty of subconsciously being ever so slightly more lenient with Sh.awn than I am with the other two.)
• That is until one day in the middle of a screaming fit (because HE. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. EAT. even though he was clearly hungry) I watched the little shit scream one of his special ear piercing screams and then turn to look at Is.aac and wait for a reaction. Is.aac and I happened to be talking, so Is.aac ignored him and kept talking to me. When the little shit screamed again and then looked to me for my reaction, I knew he was just a puppet master and we were his marionettes.
• Oh HELL no am I going to be played by a 4 year old. Ahem.
• It's been a lot better since I figured him out.
• He's a stubborn one, though, so we must stay one step ahead of him. He will sense our weakness and conquer us if we falter...

• So, it seems that the In.spir.ation Thr.ough Art people want to showcase the boys on their site as 2012 heroes.
• I don't even know what to do with that idea. I think my mind may have just imploded at the thought.
• It is clear that the universe likes to mess with me.
• However, if my guys weren't so damn cute, I probably wouldn't be having this problem. I've got to give the universe that at least.

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers. While you're there, wish her congratulations. She had her baby boy on Tuesday!

Sh.awn's Day, 2012

(cross posted)

Today was one of those special days in my heart. ‎4 years ago, after 91 long days, our little Sh.awn finally came home from the hospital.

Today, is this Sh.awn's Homecoming Day!

He's bursting with excitement!

We celebrated our boy today...

He got to choose whatever he wanted for dinner--waffles and chocolate dip granola bar. Yum!

He got to blow out candles on his very own cake.

4 candles to blow out -- one for each year

He got to open presents all by himself! With no brother opening presents at the same time! Oh the rapture!

Yea! 2 presents to open!

This is so fun!

It's Rex from Toy Story!

And a movie!

We had some cake!

Mmmm...chocolate cake....

A great end to a great meal!

Ja.son is loving the cake, too!

So did Jack! :-)

We had a fantastic celebration!

Sh.awn's Day, 2012!

Happy Homecoming Day, Sh.awn. We love you very, very much!

Opinions Wanted Part 2

First of all, thanks for all of the nice words about the pictures. I am super excited about them all. She released the full album to me earlier today. I don't think there is a single one that I don't like. How she managed that is beyond me!

As for your other opinions, I just have to say wow. Thank you. For all of them. I definitely have a lot to think about for a while.

I have decided to take the intent behind the words as the guide for the write-up. I think she was genuine. I believe she was a kind person. I am going to take her write-up as that.

I am somewhat still uncomfortable with her outing the boys' CP, because I have yet to publicly link them to it, but after reading your thoughts, I suppose I need to do more thinking about the reason behind my reluctance.

I am a deeply private person by nature. It isn't that I am shy or afraid of people knowing things about me, it's just that I grew up in a family where too much information was routinely shared. I hated that I was never able to have my own personal privacy. Now I hold many things I feel are important close to my heart (you know, aside from this blog) and will only share with a few very close friends if even then. I don't know what that says about me as a person, but that is how I am.

So, it is hard for me because their story and my story are hugely intertwined. Where do I draw that line between my story and their story? How much should I say about their struggles without crossing over into issues that they may not want me to share? Would they want to share what I share about them? They are still children without the voice to directly say what they want said or not--I don't want it to be that simply because they are children I took their choice away. Because I know exactly what it feels like to have "everyone" know my business, I am even more careful about what I say about the boys publicly.

While I hope that our collective story is full of love, hope, and (hopefully) success, I am the gate keeper to their story. As such I really try to respect when to separate myself from them. They are my first priority--their happiness and well being is what I care about. I am not hiding from it nor embarrassed by it by any means, but is it my news to share?

I don't know if that makes sense. I don't even know if it makes sense to me.

I am acutely aware that it could be seen that by not declaring to the world that my boys are damn awesome kids who happen to have a CP diagnosis, it may send the message that I am ashamed of them. I certainly don't want anyone to believe that, especially the boys themselves! Let me be clear here, when I say that that couldn't be any further from the truth. I think that if there was any reason to start shouting from the rooftop about CP, this reason alone is it.

But my guess is that I'd be shouting only because I was just afraid of what my silence implied to others who don't know us well enough to know that idea was ridiculous.

All I really need to be worried about how my boys feel about what I do or do not say.

I think (hope) that I am doing a decent job teaching my boys that there are all kinds of people in this world and that each one of us has his or her own special contribution to make. I think (hope) I am doing a decent job teaching my boys that they are just as capable, smart, needed, and LOVED as any other children in this world. I believe that we are lucky to have them in our lives and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. I know that they know they are the center of their parents' world.

So, as you can see, I do not take this topic lightly. I am thinking about it.

A lot.

I just haven't come to any answers yet.

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the matter...

Opinions Wanted

She's released more pictures*! (*I am linking to a third site first so no one can find their way back here, Sorry I am so paranoid.) I don't think this is all of them, but I am excited by what I've seen so far. :-)

So what do you think?

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So, I am conflicted about linking it to the boys' blog. I mean, I LOVE the pictures of the boys. (Not so fond of the ones of me, but whatever.) But, and it seems that there is always a but when it comes to me, the write-up is leaving me twitchy.

I think the intent was very sweet, but there is just something about it that stings a bit. Maybe I just overreacting? Too sensitive? (And to be honest, she is a very genuine woman who I am sure understands a bit of the world in which our family lives. I'd guess that if she knew she had hurt my feelings, she'd be very upset. It is not my intention to hurt her either. She went out of her way to do this for us, and I am truly grateful!)

It makes me uncomfortable that she stated their diagnosis. I have no problem talking to people about the fact that they have this as a diagnosis. I do not hide from CP nor am I embarrassed by it. However, I am still hesitant to link that diagnosis to the boys publicly, especially on their blog. (Which, hello, I've already made that link here, but this place is sort of--albeit loosely--anonymous so it doesn't bother me as much.)

I can't quite decide why it is an issue to me, but it is. People are stupid and insensitive and make me want to hit them. Couple that with my fierce desire to protect my guys from that kind of crap...and well, I've just stayed away from publicly declaring what's up. I have told quite few people directly (and dude they don't walk so they know something's up anyway) but I am just leery.

I imagine the photographer would remove those two words from her post should I ask her to do so. But my head is wrestling whether or not I should. Maybe I just need to relax and not try to control everything.

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So that gives you two things to weigh in on today. I'd love to hear your thoughts.