Two for the price of one. That is what I want. I want two babies…twins…a boy and a girl. After all of this, I want two. I have held this desire close to me for quite some time. It is almost like if I say it aloud, I’ll jinx it or something. I know it’s silly. I just can’t help it.
I wonder if this desire is common among those of us undergoing infertility treatments. The belief that double the babies will somehow fill the hole that has been empty for so long. Will it? I would love to find out. Maybe with two babies I won’t need to do this process again in the future. My family will be complete. The hole would be filled.
Today was another ultrasound and blood work check. My follies have slowed ever so slightly, but they are still ahead of where they “should” be, and there just isn’t as many as I had hoped. The appointment has left me sad and upset without any real reason I can put my finger on at the moment. I have been snapping at my husband and feel pretty weepy. Maybe it’s the medications doing this to me, making me feel different. Maybe it is worry that this won’t work out, yet again. My husband knows that something is wrong; he asks me what is going on with me. I can’t articulate it to him…how can I articulate something I don’t really understand?
So my lining is strong at 9mms. I think that is the thickest it has been. It also looks like I now have 3 follies that are in the 15mm range (14mm, 15mm, and 16mm). I have others at 8mm, 9mm, and 11mm. I think there may be one or two more that are smaller. That gives me 6 follicles. Maybe 6 eggs. I am doing all of this work for 6 eggs. 6 chances for a baby. 3 chances for twins. That isn’t very reassuring to me for some reason.
The nurse called to tell me my new dosage of medication and my hormone levels. After 5 days of stimming, my estrogen is at 352 and my LH is still low. The estrogen is going up, which is good. That means I am responding to the meds effectively. I resume 187.5 units of gonal f in the morning and night, but add ganirelix to the protocol tomorrow night. Hopefully this will slow the bigger follicles down a little so the smaller ones can catch up to them.
I hate all of this. I wish it was all over. I want a baby already!
I pray this cycle is successful. I don’t know what I will do if it isn’t or if, heaven forbid, I miscarry again.
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1 comment:
Well, you got your two for the price of one! Only two boys instead of one of each. I do think you are right in that a lot of us do sort of hope for twins going into this. Although, this last time I had given up in that thought because I was scared of the higher risk factor. Welp, got the twins anyway! I'm still concerned for the risks, but excited for the possibilities.
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