A Roller Coaster of Emotions Part 2

I was released by my RE this week. I was totally unprepared for the emotions that my little "graduation" would evoke. The thought of leaving that place, where I had spent so much time over the last year, terrifies me! It was comfortable. I knew the game plan, what was happening and what would be next. The pattern of shots, schedules, and counting follies was comforting. There was action--I was doing something and feeling something. The doctors and nurses knew me and my issues. They WANTED me pregnant and believed it would happen even when I didn't. Now I will be forced into the real world, to an OB/GYN who I haven't seen in over a year. That place where all those pregnant people mocked me the last time I was there.

Only this time I'll be pregnant, too. Why do I feel like such a fake or something? An impostor? Like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother's clothes?

Do I fit into the pregnant world with all of these confusing feelings, fears, and doubts? I don't fit into the infertile/ivf world anymore. I have jumped ship and joined "them". Where do I belong?

Christ.

Now I just wait. Wait to feel like I am pregnant. Wait for the next ultrasound to confirm that the little ones are still doing okay. Wait to see if this will really happen and if I will end up with babies in a few months. There's no more action. Only waiting. And apparently, I am NOT good at waiting.