My reputation preceded me at the hospital. I could almost feel the dread the nurses felt when they heard we were there to see the babies. We had been in the NICU for all of a minute before we were told they had called for the fellow on call. How is that for service? We've been going to that hospital for two weeks now, and I can count the number of times I've talked to a doctor face to face on one hand. If getting irate was all I needed to do to get to talk to one, then I should have done it a long time ago.

I was not a happy camper and everyone knew it. I had already had a run in with the security guards when I entered the hospital* so I was in the mood to have a knock down drag out with whoever pissed me off.

The fellow came within five minutes. He had a little resident flunky with him and introduced himself. The flunky remained nameless--probably in her best interest. He went into a little spiel about how he was there to answer any questions we may have and other such dribble. He asked for it...

I drilled him with questions about the babies' treatment and why the doctors were doing what they were doing. I was doing my best to listen to him and not be argumentative. It was still evident that I was royally pissed off and not happy, but I wasn't being difficult at that point.

And then he made his fatal error.

He literally asked us if we understood what the intubation tube was for. My mouth dropped as I stared at him. Surely his question was rhetorical. My boys are 12 weeks premature and are 6 weeks old. I have seen my fair share of breathing tubes and have a clear understanding of what they are for.

Have you have ever watched the television show "Scrubs"? You know how the main character, JD, has these weird fantasies about things? I had one of those fantasies. In my mind I had reached over and beat the shit out of that stupid doctor. He was in a bloody heap on the floor. I stood over him with a huge smile of satisfaction.**

When I came to, the silence had lasted too long. He was serious. He really thought we were idiots. Is.aac finally gave him an answer.

I had had enough. Things again went down hill from there. I started hushing him when he annoyed me. (I literally held up my hand to shut him up quite a few times.) I kept redirecting him to the whys, and he really couldn't answer me.

Now I get that the treatment for the babies should be dictated by what the babies are doing and needing. If they show they need something, then that is what is done. But, when you can't tell me what is happening to the babies that suggests the treatment you are following, then we have a problem.

At one point, he took us over to look at the x-rays for Ja.son. Yes, his right lung collapsed. Apparently, the breathing tube wasn't in the correct place and his right lobe wasn't receiving air to keep it open. They fixed the tube and the latest x-ray showed the lung is opening. At least they addressed that problem they created. (Good God they better hope that this didn't damage his lung.)

So I asked whether Sh.awn had x-rays and what they showed. Can you believe he tried to tell me that HIPAA said he couldn't show me Sh.awn's x-rays and that he shouldn't have showed me Ja.son's?

So what that he had left Ja.son's x-ray up on the screen for the remainder of the time we were there. Seems to me that leaving Ja.son's x-ray up for everyone in the NICU to see for hours was much more of an invasion of private health information than talking to the minor patients' parents about an x-ray.

So what do I do?

I need to be able to have some trust that this place and the doctors there will do what is best for the babies. I am definitely not there, and I am not sure I will ever get there at this point. Short of being at the hospital all the time, I don't know how I can ensure that the babies are well taken care of.

I asked for them to put in the charts that I need to be notified of all changes for the babies. Didn't happen. Both babies had blood transfusions and I wasn't notified. In fact, if Ja.son didn't have his transfusion going when we got there, we again probably wouldn't have known that they both had them. I told them it was in the chart that I need to be notified, and low and behold no one wrote it down when I had told them to before. (I had told the attending doctor to make sure it was added to the chart.) I asked them to write it then. Watched them write. Now will I be notified? I will be surprised if I am.

They thought I was a problem this morning. They haven't seen anything yet.

*After two weeks of going to the hospital with my camera, they wouldn't let me take it in with me today. They said I needed written proof that the nurses will allow me to use it. They wanted me to take it back to my car and not bring it into the hospital. Let's just say that they began to rethink this error in judgement after I said a few choice words and demanded to talk to their supervisor. It is a good thing they thought better, because I had already sized up the guards and was about to take them out one by one.

**This propensity for violence really isn't like me. I don't like conflict and try to avoid it at all costs normally. I try my best not to offend people or be rude. That all went out the window now that we have the babies. You better stay out of my way, or I'm a gonna take you down!