Struggle and Growth

A slogan I like to use at work is, "Struggle makes you grow, especially when you have support." My students hate secretly love this saying of course, because I tend to bring it out at the first hint of moaning and groaning after a new assignment. They never want to do anything that taxes their brains even the tiniest bit. Just uttering those words aloud is a gentle reminder that I know the assignment is challenging, but I know they can do it, and I am there to help if need be. (Most often, they don't actually need my help to do the assignment once they really look at what they are asked to do.)

In my opinion, we all need to struggle a bit to make ourselves stronger. It is the struggle that pushes us to be and do better.

My life has been full of struggle over the last few years. While it would be nice to wish many of the obstacles I've faced were simply a figment of an over active mind, they are not; and I am trying to make some peace with that. Yes, this peace is slow in coming. Yes, it feels like every couple of steps forward I take in this process are met with at least one step backwards (often two or three). Still, many days I feel like I have managed to stand on the top of the shit pile as my own version of Queen of the Mountain. And, I am stronger! But some days, and thankfully they are fewer and farther between, I feel like I will be forever stuck in a valley.

These struggles are the events that have shaped me into the person I am today. Sure there are now some negative aspects to my personality that would certainly not be a part of me today had I not experienced what I did (like my ability to see that the world is not always roses and sunshine-I miss that). Yet I think that for the most part I have become a better person by the hand I've been dealt. The struggles have made me grow...

• I am less judgemental.
• I think before I speak.
• I am able to put myself in other people's shoes.
• I try to celebrate successes (no matter how small) and focus on the positives.
• I am assertive when it comes to important things for myself and my family.
• I fully understand how lucky I am and how more difficult our lives could be.
• I know that things will not defeat me--even when I think I can take nothing more, I still manage to pull myself up and move on.
• I think (hope) I am doing a pretty good job parenting my children.

I also apply the idea of struggle when it comes to working with the boys. (I am talking about allowing them to struggle when it comes to physical aspects because both are weak on motor skills. It's not like I make them spar for food or something!) One of the things that drives me absolutely crazy is how people will rush to the boys' aid, especially Sh.awn's, the moment they look like there is the slightest hint that they are struggling. This phenomenon is even more evident while we have family here visiting. No one wants to see the boys work too hard at things--not even the tiniest bit--partly I suppose because they have been through so much.

Sh.awn in particular is a pretty savvy kid, so he fully understands that if he grunts or cries in frustration, someone will probably run to his rescue. The level of help Sh.awn receives after his cries often depends on who offers the aid. If it is me, I tend to take a more hands off approach and give lots of praise and encouragement if at all possible. Is.aac, on the other hand, is more at the opposite end of the help spectrum. Hearing Sh.awn fuss brings Is.aac to his knees, so he tends to do everything in his power to make it all better and please his little man. My mom's response falls somewhere in between Is.aac and myself. She wants to help Sh.awn when he is unable to do something right away but holds back out of respect for me.

I attribute the incredible gains the boys are making to my allowing them to work through their frustrations. I am there, but I try to not interfere unless it is obvious that help is needed and even then I assist them as minimally as possible.

The struggles have made them grow, too. :-)

• Sh.awn is using his right hand more and more. He is pulling up now and grabs our hands to walk all.the.time. He is just about to master the regular crawl and kiss the army crawl goodbye.
• Ja.son is mastering skills in therapy that are above his actual age.
• The vocabulary and talking explosion that is happening daily around this house blows my mind.
• They are funny and bright and so much fun!

My family is thriving despite the struggles. We were beat down, but we are not broken. We are stronger because of them, and that is pretty damn awesome. (if I do say so myself!)

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I am sure you've heard that it is delurking week by now. (Is that "National Delurking Week" or just plain "Delurking Week"?) Anyway, I'd love to hear who is out there, how you found me, and maybe how long you've been here. Please? Pretty please?

It would make me feel less like I am some nutso who talks to herself if you do...