Just Tired

Welcome ICLWers! Thank you for stopping by!

I do have a Sock It To Me post coming up either tomorrow or the next day. I did get my socks, and they are so warm and fuzzy. They're perfect! The timing is great, too, because we are once again getting rain. :-)

I am up to my eyeballs in stress, and as usual, when I get overwhelmed I go quiet. I am just tired.

You probably wouldn't know how stressed I am to look at me either. You'd probably think that I have my shit together and all was okay. Well, maybe not you guys...you know far too much about the inner workings of my tired mind to be fooled by a seemingly cool exterior.

Some of you may have noticed that I've been posting on the boys' blog that Ja.son is going to be having his eye surgery in April. The idea of it is seriously freaking me out. It isn't the procedure that is making me go all batty; it is the idea of him having a surgery that is doing it. Even after all that we've been through, I am freaking the fuck out. I know it makes no sense. As far as surgeries go--especially the kind we've had--a thirty minute same day eye surgery should be a minor blip on my radar.

But it doesn't feel that way. It feels HUGE.

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The lap/hysteroscopy authorization is now in the works. I played telephone tag with my OB's office for ages, and never really felt like I was getting a straight answer from them on the best way to proceed. They wanted me to come in for an exam and pap (they have a ten week waiting period for this type of thing) before they'd do an authorization. Get pregnant and they'll see you in ten minutes. Just try to get pregnant and you have to wait months. Ugh. I was not happy.

I also called the RE's office and talked to them several times about the issue. I reiterated my fears that this would be considered a "fertility" issue and be covered at only 50% when I really thought that pushing the pain angle was legitimate and should make it covered 100%. I mean, I do have PAIN. (Even right now in fact. I've been cramping since Sunday, and I don't expect my period until Saturday.) Anyway, I told her that if it isn't covered at 100% that we probably wouldn't be able to do it at all. She did some research and thinks that it should be okay. We shall see. It would be nice if this would work out in my favor. I don't want to be greedy or anything, but I think I am due for something to go my way. Sooner rather than later.

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Speaking of AF, I know that there is very little chance that we would manage to get pregnant without medical intervention. My head knows it. My heart...is a little slow on the uptake. I hate that it makes me hope my period never shows every month.

And I hate that I am not pregnant.

Again.

Blah.

So, I am a bit premenstrual. That's definitely not helping the stress level.

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I somehow pulled a rib muscle this week. I was really sore on Monday and Tuesday and could barely move. The boys, however, did not understand or care that mommy hurt like hell. They still wanted to be picked up and walked with and the wanted it N.O.W.

I am finally starting to feel a bit better today.

Oh percoset how I heart thee.

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Thank you for the support on my last post. I'm going to save the post to draft I think. Seeing it here, in a place I consider safe, makes my insides go to mush.

And FYI -- The student was not at school today. He was suspended for at least two day. I am not sure about how many more. The admin did not address the issue with the staff today, which upsets me, so there has not been any update on the status of situation.

I just can't even deal with this right now. People are so stupid. Sigh.