Contentedly sitting in a holding pattern has never really been a strong trait of mine, and it feels like I have been forced into that state in every area of my life. Thoughts about... everything are bogging me down, making me feel overwhelmed and sad. Fortunately, I was smart enough to realize a long time ago that the only surefire way to bring myself out of this kind of mood is to DO something. Oh, but how hard that is when you don't really feel like doing anything but wallow in self loathing and pity! Knowing you should be doing something doesn't make the actual doing part any easier, that's for sure.
I am trying to pick myself up and move on, so I've developed a plan. The strategy is simple--I am writing a list. I need the power of seeing the tangible representation of these worries. In black and white, they are not as scary, not as insurmountable. I can focus on one thing at a time; I can manage one day at a time. Most importantly, I will be DOING something and not just whining about how tough my life is.
Hopefully, before I know it, I will have passed all the hurts and worries of the month. Then voila. April.
That's it. Easy peasy.
So far I've managed to survive a m/c anniversary and the big scary neurologist appointment. (I'm not really going to get into to it here, but let's just say I am back to teaching the boys how to flip the bird. This particular doctor needs to see a little sign language. Ahem.) Man, it felt so good to cross them off the list and put them behind me for the time being.
I also got a bit of good news just a bit ago. I have a surgery date--March 30. The best news is that the insurance will cover it a 100%. All I have to pay is my $125.00 copay! I am beyond relieved. I am also excited because I should be recovered by the time I get out of school for spring break! Wooohooo!
It might be challenging, but maybe, if I am lucky, I can and will survive this month. What a thought!
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6 comments:
You can, and will, survive this month! I have complete faith in you!
With April comes spring and signs of new life. Well I suppose you live in ca. where there really isn't "winter" either way...I'm sure some of the funk will go as the new season approaches. I'm hoping it does at my house.
SO happy to hear about the surgery date and the insurance.
One day at a time. one foot in front of the other. ;-)
You are so strong and amazing Stac. You will make it through.
Hugs
Jen
Woot for the surgery being covered!! I'd gladly take a co-pay! woot!
gah, i hear you about the funk!
I hope the list makes life a little easier to manage
One step at a time...
you can do it!!
great news on the insurance front!!
i am all for the boys learning to flip the bird - although you should be sure to limit it to just those you say it's ok to do - otherwise it could come up in odd situations! ha ha.....
i too had a m/c anniversary this month - sad to say but i thought about it as the anniversary of my FIRST m/c - no one should have to have anniversaries of that nature - especially more than ONE>> -- mine was mar 9 and it made me super sad that day.
you'll get thru this and i like that you will put it on paper - see it - conquer it - have your surgery and go make us a baby!
yes. . . i said make us a baby - cuz all of your cyber friends out here are wishing, and hoping for a new baby for you!!
smiles - j
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