Two Days Down, Many More to Go

Thank you so much for the understanding on the last post. Wouldn't it be nice if we could have the best of both worlds without having to worry about the little things like paying bills?

Ugh. If only it would be that simple.

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The school year officially started yesterday. Today, the kids made their appearance. My classes are large and range from 34 to 38 students per class. I only have reservations about one class, which is doable for the most part. (Seriously, can't the admin understand that a class with 26 boys! and only 6 girls! might be on the tough side? Add into the equations that four of the said males are NOTORIOUS for being...shall we say...deserving of lots of extra teacher attention. You can bet I am going to see what I can do to fix this breakdown in the scheduling system.)

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Jack and my mom are having a showdown of sorts. He has decided she is queen evil and has been a beast child. The second he sees her, he furrows his little brows and puts out that sweet little lip of his. When I leave, he just cries himself to sleep.

He is not a fan of me working it seems.

That is NOT helping the whole guilt thing I've got going.

The big boys, on the other hand, think they are in high heaven. They love being at grandma's house. In fact, when I got there to pick them up today, Sh.awn told me to go back to work! The little shit.

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The tr.ial should have closing statements this week. The inve.sti.gator text me to say the de.fense teamed managed to convince the judge that the jury should be allowed to consider a mansl.aughter charge along with the f.irst de.gree mu.rder charge set forth by the pro.se.cution.

This is a huge change.

It's the difference between life in pr.ison with NO possibility of pa.role, and the possibility of pa.role before he is 40.

I've thought a lot about my tes.timony since the day I went. I was able to discuss quite a few topics that were contrary to the prosecution's stance. I talked of my feelings about his family...and the conscious effort I made to not say something in a way that would anger the father. I sensed that he had a horrible temper, so I was very careful. I never saw a mark on his child. Was never told that things happened at home. (and I looked for signs) But there was something that told me he was unsafe. (Not to me. He was very respectful to me directly, but I was worried about my student.)

They asked me if I was a man.dated reporter. Of course I am. They asked me to explain what that meant. I did. I explained I never had any proof that something happened, just a sense...a feeling that he could be aggressive. I can't report a feeling.

But then I was asked if I had ever asked the def.endent directly about abuse.

I didn't. To be honest, I had never even considered asking if something was going on at home. I doubt he would have told me the truth. It likely would have changed his attitude toward me, therefore making my attempts to help him useless.

But what if I did ask? What if he would have said something? Would this tr.ial been a non issue? Could that one little question have save lives?

That haunts me.

(Sorry about the periods. I am wildly paranoid about what I say on this matter.)

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As you can see, I find new and unusual ways to torture myself. I'm awesome like that. :-/