---
Tonight is my last night of summer. Tomorrow, I reenter the working world.
I am beyond sad. I love what I do, but I would love to get the chance to stay home with the boys for a while longer. I worked so hard for them...
I wish that we were in the position of me being able to be a SAHM.
That's not exactly possible when it is my paycheck that covers the mortgage. Sigh.
I used to be of the "Women can have it all" camp. Well, maybe I should say that I guess I mostly still am.
Except maybe I can't?
I know some women are able to excel at work and come home to excel there, too. It has become clear that I am not one of those women. I know my reality.
There is only so much of me to go around. It's a shocking realization for me and something my perfectionist personality struggles with on a daily basis.
I can only do so much.
Better yet...
I can only do so much.
I am no superwoman for sure.
If I give my all at work, I am damn tired when I get home. I end up feeling like I am cheating my boys.
They deserve more than that.
So I keep going, trying to make up for lost time with them, and ultimately leave little for myself, not to mention Is.aac.
I just can't keep that up for very long. Something always has to give. When you are surrounded by kids all day, there just isn't any good place for that giving to happen. Sadly, it ends up being my family who suffers.
Or is it only me?
If it didn't tear at me that I was losing all of this precious time with them while they are young, maybe I would feel more at ease?
I do hope that once the year gets started I'll get more excited about being there.
I love what I do. Really.
But I think I'd just love staying home more. And if you knew me, you would probably be surprised that I would ever say that.
It surprises me, actually.
Posts
11 comments:
Happy back to school day!
I know it's hard, not feeling like you can do both fully - but you do great at both. Have a fabulous year, teach some kids things they need to know, and let the countdown to summer begin!
I remember thinking that stay at home moms were week and kept. Old fashioned.
WOW how wrong I was.
Sorry you have to head back to school to help raise everyone else's kids.
but you do a pretty good job at it :)
I'm in the other camp, when I got married a few years ago I quit college and quit working outside the home. I spend most of my time home with the kids, and now I wonder what it is I'm missing on the outside. My friends have these great jobs and active social lives, just makes me wonder. I have arrived at the conclusion that I can have it all, just not at the same time.
I hope you are able to find a balance, it's tough!
ICLW #60
It's hard to go back to work...part of me wanted so badly to be able to afford to be a SAHM. But the other part of me was excited to get back to work and my students. It gets easier...not easy...but easier.
I'm sure it's hard, but you do what you have to do. You may have to work, but you get to provide for your children, and that's something to be proud of, just like being a good SAHM. One is not better than the other.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
I am a SAHM and often find it difficult to be 100% all day all the time. I couldn't imagine having to go to work all day, come home and have to be "on" until bed time.
Also "me" is so important. Dont feel guilty if you need a little extra one day, or week :)
ICLW #111
Hi from ICLW! I had to laugh at this post...I feel like Women's Lib would of been so much better if it gave us the CHOICE to work, rather than the expectation that we work! ;) Oh, so I get to run a house and work? Thanks so much!
Stopping by for ICLW!
We are in the adoption process after 4 miscarriages so we have some time to figure out our plan in regards to me working our being at home when we have a family, but I think that being home will be so much harder than I imagine. I hope that our situation will allow me the choice but I guess only time will tell. I hope that you can find some super mama strength to get you through your work days with energy and creativity left for home.
It surprises me how much I like staying home too.
It also surprises me how much I miss teaching when all my friends go back...I loved my job too!
Good luck with the new school year! I'm sorry that you do have to go back though.
ICLW
I admire you. To work with other people's children all day and then come home and do all the mommy stuff for your boys. I'm a sahm with a 9mo little girl, and I struggle to keep it together.
I pray that you find the energy and strength you need to not only get through your days, but to enjoy them.
ICLW #20
Post a Comment