For the longest time, I think we lived somewhat of a hermit life. A lot of that can be attributed to the fact it was just easier to stay in our little cave when we had two, and then three boys in tow, but there were some other factors at play. The big boys' lack of proficiency and stamina with their walkers was one reason. Some lingering sensory issues was another. Jack's tendency to run away was yet another. (I even tried one of those leash things, but he broke it the first time he used it. Sigh.)
Anyway, now that many of the obstacles we faced are easing, we are out and about more and more. Leaving the house is great and freeing and stressful and tiring all rolled into one. I generally come back with a stiff neck and a headache, although I am still usually glad we went on the day's adventure.
I find that the problem is rarely the boys' behavior. They LOVE going places and talking to people. I am incredibly proud of how polite and pleasant they are to everyone they meet.
No, it's not my boys that makes me hold my breath for our entire trip. My muscles ache and my nerves are shot because of other people we encounter along the way. The people who rudely (and loudly) comment to their younger, smaller children that "No, you're waaaaaaay too big to ride in the cart!" as we pass. Clearly, the comment was in reference to my boys who were sitting in the red, double seated cart. (I love Tar.get's carts!) Or the "What's wrong with him?" comments. Or even the woman who tried to stop me outside of a restaurant to give me her business card because she thought her hyperbaric oxygen chamber would be "just the thing" to help our boys' "funny" walk. (Oh. yes. she. did. Again, this was said within earshot of my boys. AS IF we would follow the information given to us by some random stranger on the street, even. Let's just say I was not nice to her.)
Do they think we aren't doing enough? That they have the quick fix to solve all of our problems and we are too inept to find the answers on our own?
Why anyone, especially someone who doesn't even know us, feels he or she should actually open his/her mouth to suggest anything unsolicited blows my mind. Yet it is happening more and more.
I would never go out of my way to say anything that could be received negatively by someone else. I am certainly not doling out parenting advice (as if I have all the answers anyway) or commenting on things that are not my business. What would either of those things do other than cause hurt?
For the life of me, I just can't understand the mentality that seems to prevail right now. People seem to think that they can and should tell us (and others) whatever crosses their minds. I guess I can see why people would be freer to say stupid things on the internet with the anonymity, lack of proximity thing, but to do it in real life? To people you don't know?
Why does what we do matter to anyone else anyway? We aren't loud or distracting or anything else. We are just out minding our own business.
All we are is slightly different.
I can't help but feel we're being judged because of it. What we do/how we look is judged.
People don't know how to handle differences; they're afraid of them. I know that. Do our differences give people the perceived right to judge us? I don't know. But I do know people show their ignorance in their words and behavior. Often.
Do people know they cause hurt when they say critical things to strangers? Do they care?
Probably not, I guess, otherwise they'd say nothing.
Why don't they care?
It does bug me that the few can so easily sour my mood or make me think twice about doing something before heading out. I hate that their rudeness affects me and our family like this.
Sigh.
I know I should just grow a thicker skin and not let it get to me. I'm trying, really I am.
~~~
Thankfully this behavior isn't shared by everyone. There are many more people who embrace our family with conversation and smiles. People who remember us and pick up conversations right up from where they last left off. People who fight for our (and our boys') happiness. I am so grateful for these people!
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1 day ago
6 comments:
People have really lost their manners. There is a little boy at day care who was adopted, and he obviously suffered extensive burns, including over his face. I have been trying to coach my children, who I am afraid will innocently ask "What's wrong with him?", so that they don't do it, and hurt his feelings. Adults should really know better, but people will just vomit up any horrible thing that pops in their head these days. We have no special issues, but I have had a woman randomly say rude things about me bottle feeding my son, when we went to visit the hippie town north of us once. Rude, rude, rude.
Some people are just plain stupid and rude. Your boys are awesome, you are awesome, your family is awesome. Those people that make comments and think they know everything annoy the hell out of me.
HI THERE I HAVE RUN INTO RUDNESS ALSO I WAS WAITING FOR THE BUS WHILE IN MY CHAIR AND I WAS SURE I LEFT ROOM FOR OTHERS TO GET BY ANDTHIS GUY WITH KIDS IN A WAGON CAME SO CLOSE TO ME THAT HE HIT MY FOOT WITH THE WAGON I WAS SO MAD I FELT LIKE KICKING HIS WAGON
MELISSA
Your post makes me want to tell you that the people are same everywhere. Free suggestions, and nose-pokers are everywhere. If they charged for unsolicited advice, they would be millionaires. If we charged for receiving unsolicited advice, we would be millionaires!
Frankly, I really feel that these idiots can't be avoided. And like you, I am not thick skinned. Things do get to me. I just wish I was more Buddha on these people, and I have to remind myself to calm down.
Glad you guys are able to take more and more trips outside.
There are all kinds of different, and there is always a captain obvious pointing that out. We are expats. We speak a different language, we are Latin in Germany, so obviously we are louder, we often have different attitudes and/or behaviour. But the language alone is reason enough to make us different, and many times there are people who ask us what it is that we are speaking because it is not easy to tell just by the sound of it.
There are also those who comment about how this great country is going to the dogs because of nasty foreigners who are so damn ignorant and different. Makes us feel special, that does. The thing is we do understand what they say, because unlike them, we do speak their language, and worse, my children understand, because they speak German as well. So, I have to explain to my children that not all people welcome being different, some people don't like it, but this doesn't mean that they (the children) did something wrong, or that they should feel ashamed by it, or by our language.
Of course, I am not saying that it is the same, but it doesn't take much to be different. And there will ALWAYS be some arse around to make your day on that account. It is for certain that there is an endless supply of those everywhere.
Some people really are clueless, aren't they? I try to tell myself that they DO care, though, when they say things that end up being pretty dumb. It's hard 'cause nobody knows what to say, and usually people have the right filters to know not to say anything, but the combination of no filters and caring/being interested can be pretty harsh sometimes. Reminding myself that people probably care but they're just clueless usually helps - though the comments aren't about my children, which I think would bring out more of the mama bear in me.
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