It's been a week (or ten) of more fighting with the insurance company. Seriously, I am at the point that I am over HMOs, especially this one. (It rhymes with "miser" if you're curious.) I have had more issues with this insurance company in the last two months than I have EVER had with insurance, and that means a lot when you consider how often we've dealt with doctors and insurance. Sigh.
For several nights this weekend I repeatedly dreamt I was locked in a hospital. Sometimes the boys were with me. Sometimes I was alone. Doctors, nurses, and even patients were everywhere, but when I asked for help I was ignored by them all. I tried whatever I could -- I screamed. I begged. No one would help me. I had to resort to whatever I could to escape...
although I always did escape. That's the thing I'm holding on to from this. I may have taken a few people down in my passing, but I made it out of that dream hospital every time.
Got to love the beauty of thinly veiled reflections on current struggles. I shall take it as a sign that I will prevail in real life, too. (It should be noted that I am prevailing, I guess. It is just taking a whole lot more energy and time than it should and the process is stressing me out something fierce.)
I am even STRESS eating! I never stress eat. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your slant), my digestive tract is majorly rebelling to said stress eating.
Despite my usual coping strategy of keeping October "medically light", it sure has turned in to anything but light. Dealing this doctor/insurance drama is triggering memories of hospitals and medical struggles, which compounds the emotional struggle I'm already experiencing just because it's October. Plus, while rehashing pregnancy complications sucks any time, to actually be able to say to a doctor that "I was 26 weeks when my membranes ruptured on this very day seven years ago" is like an extra scrape of memory sandpaper to an already weeping wound.
Sigh.
Oh this month with its complicated mix of joy, grief, and fear.
I'm putting my head down and pushing through. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
~~~
More of this week's #Microblog Monday posts here.
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1 day ago
6 comments:
Sounds like you have a lot going on in October.
I get to call Miser today, too, about a maddening problem that they're going to give me circular logic about.
I'm glad your dream ends with escape. Keep breathing...abiding with you.
Push through. Like your dream, you will escape this month, and hopefully things will be easier (especially with insurance) on the other side.
I love Kaiser!! I think you have to learn to work with them instead of fighting them on everything. An attitude change for you is probably in order. Good Luck.
So glad •you• have not have problems with this insurance company. I imagine there are others who can say the same. I, however, cannot. While I can appreciate your opinion, frankly I think suggesting that I need an attitude adjustment when you know very little about the circumstances in which *I* am dealing is pretty rude and presumptuous.
I REALLY hate insurance stuff. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it so much. We are nearing the end of October. Maybe that will also bring the end of the insurance battle? One can hope....
Amen, Stacie!!!! Grrr...
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