Microblog Monday

While researching something unrelated, I stumbled across information on ADHD. I read the symptoms, and I swear I could check every single indicator off for one of my boys.

Every single one.

My mind was blown. After even more research I am kind of kicking myself for not seeing the signs sooner than this.

• Preemies have a higher instance of ADD/ADHD than the general population.
• Kids who have had anesthesia have a higher instance of ADD/ADHD.
• ADD/ADHD is more common for kids with Cerebral Palsy than it is for the general population.

So I took him to the pediatrician. And then I took him to the child psych. And now he is on medication.

What he is taking is an extremely low dose at the moment, but although we are already seeing a huge change so far, I expect we will likely need to up the dose within the next few weeks.

He needs this medication; I know he does, and if I had any doubts, they would have been erased after watching him since he started his meds. Yet, while I believe firmly that this is the right thing to do for him, I have to admit that it still feels crappy to have to do it.

As it is, he doesn't really know what is going on. I can sprinkle his meds on a bite of food, so he truly has no idea that he is actually taking something. Ethically, I know he has the right to know on a level appropriate for his 6 year old mind that he is taking medication, and I do plan on telling him that he's taking something and why. I'm not sure of when that will be though. I'm in the watch and wait mode right now.

It's hard not to second guess yourself as a parent when you are making these life altering decisions for your kids. I am trying to remind myself that I can only do my best, but man. This parenting gig is not for the faint of heart.

Microblog Monday

It's been a week (or ten) of more fighting with the insurance company. Seriously, I am at the point that I am over HMOs, especially this one. (It rhymes with "miser" if you're curious.) I have had more issues with this insurance company in the last two months than I have EVER had with insurance, and that means a lot when you consider how often we've dealt with doctors and insurance. Sigh.

For several nights this weekend I repeatedly dreamt I was locked in a hospital. Sometimes the boys were with me. Sometimes I was alone. Doctors, nurses, and even patients were everywhere, but when I asked for help I was ignored by them all. I tried whatever I could -- I screamed. I begged. No one would help me. I had to resort to whatever I could to escape...

although I always did escape. That's the thing I'm holding on to from this. I may have taken a few people down in my passing, but I made it out of that dream hospital every time.

Got to love the beauty of thinly veiled reflections on current struggles. I shall take it as a sign that I will prevail in real life, too. (It should be noted that I am prevailing, I guess. It is just taking a whole lot more energy and time than it should and the process is stressing me out something fierce.)

I am even STRESS eating! I never stress eat. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your slant), my digestive tract is majorly rebelling to said stress eating.

Despite my usual coping strategy of keeping October "medically light", it sure has turned in to anything but light. Dealing this doctor/insurance drama is triggering memories of hospitals and medical struggles, which compounds the emotional struggle I'm already experiencing just because it's October. Plus, while rehashing pregnancy complications sucks any time, to actually be able to say to a doctor that "I was 26 weeks when my membranes ruptured on this very day seven years ago" is like an extra scrape of memory sandpaper to an already weeping wound.

Sigh.

Oh this month with its complicated mix of joy, grief, and fear.

I'm putting my head down and pushing through. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

~~~

More of this week's #Microblog Monday posts here.

Microblog Monday

Sometimes I swear it feels like we're being tested, like the universe throws roadblock after roadblock before us until we get to the point of questioning whether we'll make it through.

It has been weeks of constant fighting for what we need. There are now issues with the boys' teacher, a person I have come to detest more than 6 weeks of school should warrant. Arguments and protocol stupidity (and run around) with the insurance company.

Generally obstacles make me angry. I take a deep breath and push through the frustration. My mentality has always been that I won't let things beat me.

I'm feeling beaten down.

Exhausted.

We're in October now; I imagine that has everything to do with why I am feeling so low. It's a hard month, one filled with a lot of difficult memories.

I forget that my body remembers even if my head does not.

Microblog Monday - Handprints

We fell into this tradition by accident, but once I realized it could be a thing, I made it one. Every year on the 28th of September, I make the boys stamp their handprints on paper.

 

We started it in 2011 - Jack's first year on Earth. He was not quite 6 months old. The big boys were nearing 4.

 



Ja.son, Sh.awn, and Jack (left to right)
September 28, 2011



 

They were all so tiny then.

 

They keep getting bigger, these boys.  





Sh.awn, Ja.son, and Jack (left to right)
September 28, 2012



Bigger.

Sh.awn, Ja.son, and Jack (left to right)
September 28, 2013

And stronger every day.

September 28, 2014
Sh.awn, Ja.son, and Jack

It's hard to tell, I know, but each hand is at least a half an inch bigger than it was last year.

Their handprints are such a visual representation of how much they've changed, a tangible way of seeing the passage of time when sometimes it's so hard to grasp in day to day living of life.

 

These handprints tell the tale. Our boys are not so little anymore.

~~~

Stop by Stirrup Queens for more Microblog Monday posts.

~~~

(I wrote this first here for Microblog Monday, but I cross posted on the boys' blog, too.)

Weekend Leftovers

This week brought both my mom's and Is.aac's birthdays. We had a quiet celebration at our house yesterday. Cake, ice cream, presents, fun, and laughter...who could ask for more?

Bonus is after preparing the house for people to come over, now my house is clean. ;)

~~~

With all of the appointments we've had for doctors, one of the ones that scares me most (which says something) is neurosurgery. Thankfully, the doctor finally called yesterday and said everything looks good for both the boys. Relief.

~~~

One of my childhood friends is pregnant with her first right now--a single mother by choice. I am beyond happy for her, and I can't wait to go to her shower on the 25th.

Coincidentally, her due date was the due date I was given with the pregnancy last year.

~~~

I asked for a meeting with the boys' teacher. There were just a lot of things that were happening that were rubbing me the wrong way. We met on Thursday.

Despite being told about some of Sh.awn's unique needs, she conveniently "forgot" (actually she "forgets" a lot of things) and wasn't putting the strategies we know he needs into use. I reiterated some things to her, so I hope that she has a better understanding of what needs to happen to help Sh.awn succeed.

I'm just going to have to accept that I am not going to like her. She isn't a warm and fuzzy kind of teacher, and she's more than a little abrasive in her speech and mannerisms. If I had to guess, I'd say that I'll be forced to meet with her regularly. She just gave me that kind of vibe.

The fact that I'm not a fan of her is one thing, but even Is.aac, who brushes things off easily, has said more than a few times how he dislikes her. Le sigh.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers!

Microblog Monday

Well, the boys brought home their second round of germs this week. It started with Ja.son and plowed its way through the rest of the boys. They recovered most of their energy fairly quickly but have all been left with a lingering cough.

Thursday night I got it. I sucked it up and went to work on Friday, came home, and then proceeded to sleep the next 33 of 36 hours. I emerged Sunday morning feeling majorly hungover and weak. Sheesh. The rest of Sunday was mostly a hazy blur.

It's been rough.

Thankfully, as of Sunday night, we are finally all on the mend, but It feels like someone stole my (much needed) relaxing weekend. Sigh.

Here's hoping next weekend proves better than this.

Microblog Monday - Medical Woes

We've transitioned over to a new insurance carrier. Of course it took longer than it should have, so now we're in the process of meeting the boys' various specialists. The unfortunate part is that, unlike our previous carrier, our current carrier doesn't have the boys' specialties available in our county. That means we have to travel sixty plus miles.

We've done four trips in the last four weeks.

Once you factor in driving through traffic, wait times in the office, meeting the doctors, and driving home again, the fastest trip was 6 hours; the longest was 8.

Eight hours. Ridiculous.

We still have one more specialist to go, but I'm putting if off for a bit. It's only the neurologist, the lowest doctor on our medical hierarchy.

How sad is that?

Sigh.

New doctors. New systems. Reviewing medical history over and over. Big decisions. Possible surgeries ahead...

The boys have been troopers. Really they have.

But they're exhausted. They've asked if they can just go to school instead of meeting doctors.

We're all exhausted.

It feels wrong to complain because I know what the alternative could have been.

And I'm grateful. Truly.

But I hate it all anyway.