Did I mention that one of the therapists is 6 months pregnant? Um, it isn't like it bugs me or anything. Right.
Talk then moved on to Ja.son. The therapist brought up the 18 month evaluation they'll be having and wanted to know if Ja.son could do any of the skills he'd be evaluated on (in April). Keep in mind that Sh.awn will also be evaluated on these skills, too. So let's see...
- stacking blocks (2 blocks high) -nope
- drawing on paper with a pencil - I haven't checked, but I'll guess nope
- putting a shape into a container (circle into the circle hole) - nope
- pointing at objects in a book - yes as long as the object is a baby. animals not so much.
- pulling objects apart and putting them back together again - nope
- walking - nope
We're basically screwed. Yes, I know that they'll be adjusted to 15 months at this 18 month eval, but still. We're screwed.
And to be fair, she wasn't trying to be cruel while we were talking. It was a very matter of fact conversation. But I just felt my heart sink with every word.
So of course I go to Tar.get to spend a boatload of money on developmental shit that will hopefully help the boys meet these stupid goals.
Pity party coming--It just makes me so sad that the boys are continually being evaluated and worked on and are not just able to develop without this constant nit picking. Do other kids have to go through this crap or is it just lucky us? It's getting old to have to hurry home to get to therapy twice a week. It hurts that my little family just can't be. No, we get followed and reminded of how we don't measure up all the time. We're trying our best, but it is never quite enough.
I wish they would just all go away and leave us alone.
Must be time for me to go to bed now. I'll try to be more upbeat tomorrow.
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12 comments:
It's always painful when someone points out how behind your children are. I get it, too. They don't walk, they can't put shapes into place, they only know one word and seem to show no signs of learning any more. It's a constant defense we have to have, this "They'll be fine, they will do these things in time."
Keep it as a mantra. They will be fine, they will do these things in time.
THAT is why I quit EI last summer.
That exactly is why. The constant scrutiny. The endless reminders of what he CAN'T do, with no celebration for what he CAN.
Screw them. He's making progress. He wasn't born like other kids. He hasn't had a normal babyhood like other kids. Why SHOULD he develop like other kids? Why should he have to measure up to them?
He shouldn't. None of our kids should be compared to the "normal".
They'll get there, hon. I promise, they'll learn how to stack blocks (and knock them down again!) and talk and walk and throw things at the therapists for you.
{{{Hugs}}} Stacie. I'm sorry these evals are so tough on you.
I know it must suck! Always having someone "telling" you the way they should be. I know all to well with Little Miss. Early intervention is arriving at my house on Monday. I am super nervous as to what they are going to be telling me.
-C
I'm sorry. :(
Even I felt like we were being critiqued when Ava didn't walk till 15 mo (and she was "normal" save for being 1 mo premature, whatever NORMAL is) and didn't talk as much as she was "supposed" to. And then with Ethan not eating and not mouthing anything till 11 mo....and that's with kids with no "real" problems!!
You're doing great. The therepists are paid to push, that's all. The boys will get there eventually, really. Look how far they've come already!
My big son Ben is autistic and went through loads of therapy to learn to speak, eat, and generally handle life. I remember just how horrible I felt when I realized just how he wasn't measuring up to standards. It made me feel awful.
I guess what I'm trying to obtusely say is that I understand how you feel to some degree. It sucks. And I'm sorry.
I wish I had words that would make it so much better for you. My opinion is that your boys are so loved and it is evident how happy they are. So, they aren't up to par in the what the textbooks state, so effing what (is what I want to say to the therapists)! Your boys are going to do all of the things that are 'required', in their own time. They have a huge advantage and that is having two parents who love them without condition. They will get there, I have all faith!
Take care, sweetie!
Cynthiabu
Oh, Stacie, I'm sorry.
Nobody wants to hear negatives about their babies,
xx
J
All I can say is, yes, been there. It takes some mental gymnastics to keep your motivation and spirits up when people are concentrating on what your kids cannot do. Maybe you can tell the therapists that it gets you down, and you need to be up for the boys, so how about just concentrating on whatever goals you are working on at the moment -- and celebrate when those are met. It also does get better with time...
All you can do is to keep celebrating all of his achievements. Loving him for who he is and looking forward to all of the things he will accomplish in his life.
I am amazed by that little person. He works so hard at things that come so natural for others. His milestones are truly milestones to be proud of and jump up and down about.
Even if the therapist wasn't as positive about things. :)
Big hugs to you Stacie. I'm sorry you have to worry and I'm sorry that there are comparisons to follow and milestone timelines.
I think if the you in 5 years could go back in time to now she would tell you to relax....that things will get better and to enjoy and not stress.
(easier said than done right)
Yes, we all have to go through the nitpicking, but not to the same extent. I definitely worry about all my kids meeting the milestones on time, because they make it such a big deal. But, my doctor definitely does not make me feel bad if they don't reach those milestones on time.
I agree with a previous poster that suggested you talk to the therapist about focuing more on the positives and not all the negatives. Celebrate the achievements one at a time.
I HEAR you. It's so difficult not to look at the negatives... in my case when one of my twins CAN do so many things, it's just natural to look at the things that the other CAN'T. Although I do rejoice in ALL his victories. It's just plain hard - and I feel your pain.
I think letting your feelings known to your therapist can't hurt a thing. She might not realize that you are feeling that way.
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