An unfortunate side effect of these stupid letters is the strain it puts on our relationship. True to form, we have been bickering non stop since we got them yesterday. It's old, really, but we both get caught up in the emotion (hurt) and have trouble stepping back and finding our zen.
Instead, I chuck zen out the window while firing back with both barrels. He gets into his nitpicking mode and has something to say about every.single.thing.I.do. It's not exactly great for our relationship.
Worse, it makes me feel even more shitty.
Sigh.
I know that what is said on those evaluations doesn't change anything. The boys are still amazing. They still do what they do--assessments are not. I still have great expectations for their futures.
Still, I am very sensitive to someone criticizing them for what they have no control over. This brings out the fierce momma bear. If I can't attack the people who critique them, Is.aac ends up being the surrogate. (and I for him)
And I hate that I started to trust that these people would help us, only to feel blindsided by the fact that we truly are alone.
AGAIN. You'd think I'd learn by now.
I am still wrestling with how to address my feelings over the evaluation. I could suck it up and just let it go. If I am honest, this is my fall back solution. I hate causing waves if I can avoid it. I'll be pissed and uncooperative when they want information/something (if only in my mind). To be sure, I will never openly say anything to these particular therapists without carefully weighing my words. I will also be very mindful of everything the boys are doing with these therapists and will ask many questions as to the relevance of certain activities to the stated goals. My days of just letting therapy take its course with these therapists are long over.
I could voice my concerns about the inaccuracies I saw and the misquoting of my words, but I am not sure how that will really benefit the boys/us. I certainly do not want my actions to affect the boys' therapy sessions adversely. And yes, if they were professional, it wouldn't, but I see first hand how the kids of pissy* parents get treated. (Although I try not to let what parents do/say affect my relationship with the kids, I am only human.) I think crossing the line to become "that" kind of parent would be very easy for me at this point.
So I don't know. I have until Tuesday to decide how I want to handle this.
*Spell check does not like the word "pissy" and wants me to change it to "pussy." The 12 year old inside of me is still giggling. It's the little things I guess.
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1 day ago
4 comments:
Is there a case manager or an office manager or something that you can vent to about the inaccuracies of the reports? And perhaps the fact that these OTs are that unliked by the kids? Sometimes just venting can help a lot and if you ahve someone to complain about it officially too, might be easier on the spousal relationship?
((HUGS))
So, I would have a different take on the assessments. In my mind, evaluations that claim my kid can't do something I know he can? Great! It means they are less likely to pull services before he is done needing them, plus, since I know they are wrong, I don't need to worry about that deficit, because it doesn't exist. In my view, sometimes therapists are actually trying to help the kids get needed services in these times of budget cuts by exaggerating the issues. It is a sad game, but it is reality. In my view, the hard part is when they say your kid is fine and does not need services, when you know he does....That is what I would be careful about.
I've already told you "I get it" and I feel for you in your other post, as you know I do. So instead, I will tell you the 12 year old me just LOLed at pussy too ;)
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