Weekend Leftovers

The boys are still sick. I guess, the more correct way to state that is that they are sick again with a new second illness. Sigh. At least now everyone is sleeping through the night again.

That is something to celebrate.

~~~

My boy has now been on ADHD meds for just over a month, and I have to say that the change in him is nothing less that mind blowing. He went from having 10-15+ severe issues with his impulse control throughout his day to an average of 3 mild issues. I was afraid that this would somehow change his personality, but he is still the same, sweet, funny boy I know and love...only more in control of himself.

Seriously. I am in awe of how effective this one thing has been in helping him.

~~~

Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Microblog Monday

It's Prematurity Awareness Month, so the posts about the topic are starting to pop up all over my feed. Many of them are about how thankful they are about the doctors and nurses who helped their children when they were so tiny and fragile.

I guess I am thankful to them, too, but in all honesty, I rarely think of them much anymore. I can't for the life of me remember the names of the nurses--none of them come to mind, not even the ones I truly loved. I remember the two neos; one name remembered without issue, the other more doom and gloom predicting neo, takes much more effort.

That's horrible, right?

Other posts talk about how their children have overcome prematurity and are now healthy and strong.

While my boys are now healthy and strong right now, the nagging fear of prematurity is still (may always be) there. Will this illness be the one to tax their lungs to their limits? Is this episode of vomiting a "simple" illness, or will it mean a trip to the ER and surgery? Besides that, the idea of overcoming prematurity is kind of lost on me.

How do you overcome prematurity when it is the reason for your children's challenges today?

I don't know.

I need people to understand prematurity and know that prematurity is more than tiny babies born too soon.

I desperately want to make sure no other family endures the heartache of watching their loved one struggle for survival.

My heart aches at the knowledge that prematurity will steal other families' babies and rob others of their dreams.

And I hate prematurity with a passion...

... and yet ...

I am stuck on how to deal with Prematurity Awareness Month this year.

How do I articulate my thankfulness that because of the strides of prematurity research I now have two amazing boys along with my intense, overwhelming detest for something that took so much from us?

Sigh.

I just don't know.

Stop by Stirrup Queens for more MicroBlog Monday posts.

Friday Night Leftovers

One day this week I went to work without putting on deodorant. That in itself wouldn't have been that big of a deal except it was in the upper 80's that day and my classroom has no air-conditioning. Yeah, it was already not pleasant for me (though hopefully no one else!) by lunch. Thanks to my PE peeps, I was able to get a sample stick from them and the crisis was avoided. lol

Please tell me I am not the only one who does crazy crap like this.

~~~

My 92 year old grandmother is coming from Arizona for Thanksgiving. It was sort of spur of the moment and very not expected. I decided that I needed to take this opportunity to get some good photos of her and my mom and the four generations together. So, for the second time in a month! my family will be taking pictures. LOL. I've decided for someone who had not taken professional pictures ever, I have sure become a picture whore. Go figure.

But really, how could I not be with pictures like this?



Right?

~~~

I have a 4 day weekend. Today at 3:30, I was almost as excited about the prospect of a long weekend as a kid at Christmas. By 5:30, that excitement had turned. Jack has a 101* temperature. So much for rest and relaxation. Well played, universe. Well played.

~~~

I've been doing Christmas shopping. Early! I have even made a decent dent in my list. Go me!

~~~

In one of the FB groups I'm in someone posted a tip about putting Shoe Goo on your kids' shoes to prevent them from getting holes in their shoes. Both boys are horrible about dragging their toes. When I get them new shoes, they look nice for a day before the go through a steady decline in attractiveness/wearability. I was getting a new pair of shoes for Ja.son every other month. It's been ridiculous.

So, with this last pair of shoes I got him, I slathered those puppies up with Shoe Goo and they are doing great! We have gone a full two weeks and they still look good--no scuffs or rub marks. Shoot, if I keep putting this stuff on his shoes, maybe he'll even get to outgrow a pair of shoes before they need to be replaced due to holes in them.

It's the little things that make me happy. Unholy shoes are one such little thing. lol

~~~

You know, it's amazing what a new month will do for you. Welcome November. You came just in time.

Stop By Danifred's for more Leftovers.

The Boys Are 7!

The big boys turned 7 on Monday. It truly blows my mind. 

Ja.son

Sh.awn

They are so big and smart and funny and amazing--everything I was afraid to wish they'd be when they were tiny premature newborns. I am beyond proud of how far they've come. I know they'll accomplish great things in their future, too!

I am always taken aback by how much the drama behind their birth still affects me. The stab of emotion isn't as strong as it used to be, nor does it last long, but I'd be lying to say that it isn't still there. Even with all of the good that we have in our lives, there is still that small twinge of sadness about what might have been.

Microblog Monday

While researching something unrelated, I stumbled across information on ADHD. I read the symptoms, and I swear I could check every single indicator off for one of my boys.

Every single one.

My mind was blown. After even more research I am kind of kicking myself for not seeing the signs sooner than this.

• Preemies have a higher instance of ADD/ADHD than the general population.
• Kids who have had anesthesia have a higher instance of ADD/ADHD.
• ADD/ADHD is more common for kids with Cerebral Palsy than it is for the general population.

So I took him to the pediatrician. And then I took him to the child psych. And now he is on medication.

What he is taking is an extremely low dose at the moment, but although we are already seeing a huge change so far, I expect we will likely need to up the dose within the next few weeks.

He needs this medication; I know he does, and if I had any doubts, they would have been erased after watching him since he started his meds. Yet, while I believe firmly that this is the right thing to do for him, I have to admit that it still feels crappy to have to do it.

As it is, he doesn't really know what is going on. I can sprinkle his meds on a bite of food, so he truly has no idea that he is actually taking something. Ethically, I know he has the right to know on a level appropriate for his 6 year old mind that he is taking medication, and I do plan on telling him that he's taking something and why. I'm not sure of when that will be though. I'm in the watch and wait mode right now.

It's hard not to second guess yourself as a parent when you are making these life altering decisions for your kids. I am trying to remind myself that I can only do my best, but man. This parenting gig is not for the faint of heart.

Microblog Monday

It's been a week (or ten) of more fighting with the insurance company. Seriously, I am at the point that I am over HMOs, especially this one. (It rhymes with "miser" if you're curious.) I have had more issues with this insurance company in the last two months than I have EVER had with insurance, and that means a lot when you consider how often we've dealt with doctors and insurance. Sigh.

For several nights this weekend I repeatedly dreamt I was locked in a hospital. Sometimes the boys were with me. Sometimes I was alone. Doctors, nurses, and even patients were everywhere, but when I asked for help I was ignored by them all. I tried whatever I could -- I screamed. I begged. No one would help me. I had to resort to whatever I could to escape...

although I always did escape. That's the thing I'm holding on to from this. I may have taken a few people down in my passing, but I made it out of that dream hospital every time.

Got to love the beauty of thinly veiled reflections on current struggles. I shall take it as a sign that I will prevail in real life, too. (It should be noted that I am prevailing, I guess. It is just taking a whole lot more energy and time than it should and the process is stressing me out something fierce.)

I am even STRESS eating! I never stress eat. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your slant), my digestive tract is majorly rebelling to said stress eating.

Despite my usual coping strategy of keeping October "medically light", it sure has turned in to anything but light. Dealing this doctor/insurance drama is triggering memories of hospitals and medical struggles, which compounds the emotional struggle I'm already experiencing just because it's October. Plus, while rehashing pregnancy complications sucks any time, to actually be able to say to a doctor that "I was 26 weeks when my membranes ruptured on this very day seven years ago" is like an extra scrape of memory sandpaper to an already weeping wound.

Sigh.

Oh this month with its complicated mix of joy, grief, and fear.

I'm putting my head down and pushing through. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

~~~

More of this week's #Microblog Monday posts here.

Microblog Monday

Sometimes I swear it feels like we're being tested, like the universe throws roadblock after roadblock before us until we get to the point of questioning whether we'll make it through.

It has been weeks of constant fighting for what we need. There are now issues with the boys' teacher, a person I have come to detest more than 6 weeks of school should warrant. Arguments and protocol stupidity (and run around) with the insurance company.

Generally obstacles make me angry. I take a deep breath and push through the frustration. My mentality has always been that I won't let things beat me.

I'm feeling beaten down.

Exhausted.

We're in October now; I imagine that has everything to do with why I am feeling so low. It's a hard month, one filled with a lot of difficult memories.

I forget that my body remembers even if my head does not.