One of my favorite things is to come to this site and look at the ticker to the right. It is amazing to see how much the babies change from week to week. That little box, with the floating babies, really is the only thing around me to let me know what is happening in my body.
I can't imagine what it would have been like to have been pregnant in earlier decades. I was talking to my mom the other day, and she said she never had an ultrasound during any of her pregnancies. How did she contain herself? How do you know that things are progressing normally? Short of watching your belly grow and not having a period, did they really know they were pregnant? I never would have been able to sit and wait without being able to visually see (via ultrasound) that things are A-okay in there! Thank God for technology!
As I am getting the classroom ready for school, I am running in to colleagues who are also getting ready. They are so excited to see me and see how I am growing. They all ask, "What have you done for the babies so far?"
Uhhh...nothing.
That isn't the response that people are ready to hear. They want to hear about my nursery plans, all the things I have bought, and name possibilities--they want details about it all. Sadly, I have none.
I haven't been able to do anything in the babies' room. Part of that is because I've been sick, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that I just am not motivated. I just haven't wanted to do it. I have casually browsed through some Internet sites for crib bedding. Nothing strikes my fancy. I have tried to think of wall colors I would love to see or furniture that would be nice. There is nothing to show for it, though. I don't really have any strong desires or plans and it is started to get me a little worried.
As for baby things, I bought two packages of onsies. That is it. And that is only because they were on sale and my mom forced me to buy them. Nothing else. What is with that?
Names are not going well, either. Dh and I had a girl's name picked long before we even considered getting married. It is a combo of both his middle name and mine. I love that name and wanted so badly to use it on one of the babies. Now that they are both boys, we are back to square one in the name game. I have brought up a few, which we have sort of discussed, but nothing really tugs at my heart as a "right" name for us.
Why am I like this? I wanted to get pregnant so much that I sank into mini depressions each month it didn't happen. The miscarriages caused me so much pain (and still do), I thought for sure that when I got pregnant and it stuck, I would be the happiest person on earth. This hasn't come to be and it scares me.
I waffle back and forth from thinking that this will work for us and we'll have babies in a few months, to waiting for that other shoe to drop and all the hopes to fade away yet again. Most days I can pretend that I am overjoyed and super excited about what is happening (sometimes I pretend so well that I think I AM actually happy). The only people who know that my true tendency is to be a nervous wreck is my husband and mom. I am always so thankful that they are there to listen to me vent about my fears and concerns!
Today I am 19 weeks. This pregnancy is most likely half over. In another 19 weeks, I hope I have two healthy babies. I pray that I do...
Posts
1 day ago
6 comments:
Girl, you are having two babies...you are 1/2 done..probably a little more.
Most doctors don't let you go beyond 38 weeks. I don't know that your body will let you either. :)
In fact...I think it was at around 32 weeks...my svelt figure looking more like 48...and wanting them out then.
Boys names are hard. You want something that sounds professional, but that is nice, boys don't do well with COOL, UNIQUE names...but you don't neccessarily want to add another Mike or Bill to the world.
I know what you mean about the war inside. I wanted SO desperately to get pregnant and then when I was I struggled. It's normal. No worries.
Grow babies grow !
Stacie, a part of me feels the same way. Its so nice to hear someone else say it.
I think that as IF's we've been through so much to get to this point... and maybe a part of us just does not believe it yet. I know I dont. The only time I know they are real is when I go in for an ultrasound. I see them moving around, finally looking like little human beings- and a part of me still does not believe it!
Buy your baby items when you feel the time is right. I personally am not allowed to buy anything for them yet(I guess that's a Jewish tradition- bec they say you shouldnt buy anything for a bay that's not here yet bec you never know what may hapen). So I too have nothing except for two onsies that I could not resist buying.
I think you should start slow. Why not look into paints for the nursery and when you have one- paint the room. I think in a few weeks the "nesting" mode will kick in and you will look into furniture etc.
As for names- boys names are hard! At least you know the sexes. I have yet to find out. The only glimmer of an idea that I have was when I went in for my 12 weeks nt scan and the doctor there was so nice that she tried to find out the sexes. She thinks baby B is a boy and possibly baby A is a girl. Oh, and that my granny said they were one of each before she passed (she was always right about those things).
I have a girl's name picked out but not one boy's name! Me and hubby cannot agree on one. So I am in the same boat as you. Please feel free to email me if you want to share your feelings with someone who is going through the same thing at the same time!
(mayaassis@yahoo.com).
Alexander
All you need for a baby are diapers and wipes. If you co-sleep the crib is a waste of money.
You already have some onsies.
Breastfed babies don't need bottles, formula or warmers.
You can put a thick towel down for a changing table. In the begining it's nice to be near water to get the meconium off.
Babies don't need stuff, they need mom.
I've always been amused at how people make moms, especially new ones, feel like there's some algorithm they're messing up if they don't do and feel everything they're "supposed" to right on schedule. Actually, I lie. As a new mom I wasn't amused, I was worried, like you. I don't think it's fair. Seriously. I'm not saying that people are actively trying to make you feel inadequate. But we put enough pressure on ourselves. Who needs to worry more.
Relax. You are far more "typical" than you know. It's hard to be overjoyed 24/7 for 40 weeks.
Trust me, we are all on the same track here in the middle - no longer IF completely and not yet a mom.
I'll tell you what I did to get in the "baby frame of mind" I bought the book "Baby Bargains". I love it, and it got me thinking about the practicle side of baby gear. Which, with my engineering brain, is right up my ally! :)
Also, I went to Home Depot and bought a book on baby rooms - greeeeeat ideas on nursuries.
I'm feeling inspired. I have hope. Life is a little better right now. The other shoe doesn't seem so close either...
Stacie, thank you sooo much for the advice about the heparin and pressure. I had no idea- and I've been putting pressure on it also for 30 seconds. I'm going to try it without pressure tomorrow AM and see what happens. And congratulations on your pregnancy! I lurked your blog for a long time when the whole IVF situation started to become more of a reality. Anyways, best of luck! And thanks again! If it wasn't for this community, I'm not sure what I would have done :)
Post a Comment