I feel like I have a split personality going.
I have two blogs. There is this one, where I feel comfortable posting thoughts and feelings about almost anything. Mostly. It is anonymous for the most part and not read by family or friends in real life. Is.aac doesn't even read it unless I show him a particular post I want him to see. Then there is the babies' blog, where I post updates and pictures of the boys. That is read by family and friends.
I haven't said anything to family outside of my mom about the boys' bleeds. I don't know why, but I just don't want anyone in the family to know. Maybe I am trying to protect them. Maybe I am trying to protect myself. All I know is that I don't want them to know about all of this.
That makes for some interesting blogging and question dodging. Because no one knows about the bleeds, no one knows about the new hospital. If they knew, they would want to know why they were there. Then there are questions about when they can come visit the babies. Well, I don't know! (Is.aac has not felt comfortable letting people except my mom in to see the babies. We were fortunate, though, that the babies' beds were by a window that could open to allow people outside the NICU to see just our babies without them coming inside.)
On this blog I can just let things go into the universe--positive and negative. I can talk about fears and doubts. On the babies' blog, I have been trying to keep things upbeat and positive. I only write about the good things that are going on with the babies.
Am I making things more difficult for myself this way? Maybe. Probably. Sigh.
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We are not going to the hospital until after Is.aac gets home from work. The NICU is closed from 6:30-7:30 for the shift change. The thought is that we are going to try to meet the night shift right after it starts. Not sure how that will work out.
We've been on the phone all day, trying to get ahold of a doctor there. Any doctor. The only one available is that second year (doesn't she ever leave) and we don't really want to talk to her again. She doesn't know much so we just end up frustrated. This is ridiculous.
Supposedly one will be available at 2:30. Why am I not holding my breath that he'll talk to us?
The first neurosurgeon we talked to is supposed to be there tonight...wanna make a bet about whether or not we get to talk to him?
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1 day ago
7 comments:
Hi there! I can relate to your split personality :D When I was pregnant and a virus infected the triplets around week 15-16, we had all kinds of health alerts for the next 10 weeks. Echogenic bowel, fluid around the hearts of all three triplets, etc. It was awful. I just told my mom; everyone else thought we were having a perfect pregnancy. I also told a few of my friends, esp. those who were also pregnant. Ditto after I went on bedrest...again, only my mom knew the risks if we were to deliver at that point. I don't think I wanted the hassle of people constantly calling and asking questions.
Good luck talking to a doctor...it is your right to do so! Has the pediatric neurosurgeon been in yet? It's such a game, isn't it?
Wow, so sorry you guys are getting the run around. I can't imagine being there for something so major and not being able to get in touch with the Dr that is supposed to be caring for my babies!
I'll say a few prayers for you and your family this evening.
I ended up starting a secret blog to talk about things on a more real basis. I definitely feel the need to make things sound perfect on my blog to friends and family...not that things are bad but you know what i mean...
How can a doctor not realize your absolute NEED for answers! I don't get that. I hope you get answers today and that it's wonderful news.
I think two blogs actually makes sense. I remember from earlier posts that, maybe, some relatives can be trying (we ALL know about that) and they don't need to know your thoughts and fears. They just need to welcome the boys when they come home. Only my husband and I were allowed in to see the babies. Once, my brother-in-law pretended to be my husband and took me down to the NICU. I hadn't seen my son yet, and I was beside myself. He showed up to visit, got me a wheelchair, and said, "Let's go." I will always be grateful to him for that.
The doctor thing is INCREDIBLY frustrating! The commute is insanely frustrating. This is a very very difficult time, but one day your boys will be home, and things will be better. I think you are coping incredibly well, for what it is worth.
I think you are fine to not deal with your family and friends right now.
You might in time find that their support and help might come in handy.
In your own time though.
As long as you have an outlet. Someplace you can say it how it is, get your worries off of your chest. It's theraputic and I hope it helps you.
I'm mad at those doctors and they aren't even my babies. I don't understand why they HAD to move the boys to this inconvenient hospital when all they were going to do is *nothing*
Good luck in getting some answers.
I know firsthand how unbearably frustrating it can be to catch a doctor when they're making rounds.
Would the nurses call you on your cell and let you know when they see them come in? Are the residents able to give you direct numbers for the doctor you're looking for? You should also be able to have a note put in the chart that states in big letters that you want that doctor to contact you ASAP. They will often try to dodge and say they never got the message, but if it's on the chart - THEY GOT IT.
Don't let them intimidate you. You have a perfect right to their time.
I just wanted to let you know....I don't know how much you don't want your family and friends knowing about this blog. They can get to it quite easily from your other one. all they need to do is click on your profile and it links to this blog.
Just in case you wanted to know. :)
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