Today just kept getting worse by the hour.

The NICU doctor called the house pretty early today to say that he wanted to have the babies transported to another hospital--an hour and a half away (without traffic). Both babies' head circumferences were growing at a rate faster than what the doctors wanted to see. Both were diagnosed with hydrocephalus, which apparently isn't uncommon in babies with brain bleeds. There are no pediatric neurosurgeons in my county, so we had to go to where one was.

They were taken one at a time via ambulance to the new hospital. Sh.awn went first because he had more swelling than Ja.son. I held him for about forty-five minutes before they loaded him into his little travel incubator and whisked him away.

I wasn't allowed on the ambulance with Sh.awn. I could follow behind them in my car, but Is.aac wasn't home (wouldn't you know it) and I didn't want to leave Ja.son behind.

So I stayed with Ja.son for an hour and a half until Is.aac got there. I kissed Ja.son goodbye and we took off to the new hospital.

Talk about culture shock. I like my "old" NICU so much better. The nurses and doctors all seemed to be efficient and nice, but the place just seems so cold. Plus, we were wanded with a metal detector at the entrance and there was a security guard at the entrance to the NICU wing. Scary.

After what seemed like forever, Ja.son arrived at the new hospital, too. We had to wait another eternity for the pediatric neurosurgeon to show up. He said the boys would have ventricular taps in the morning. (This is like a spinal tap, only they go through the soft spot on the babies' heads and pull fluid directly out of the ventricles in their brains.) I pray that this relieves the pressure and stops the swelling.

Now I don't know how long the babies will have to stay at the new hospital. I am not sure I can take it if they have to stay there from here on out...

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My milk is officially dried up. I have been pumping ten times a day and taking fenugreek since Tuesday, and I have 7 ml to show for it. Total. All together. Combined. I decided to stop pumping today. I can't describe how emotional it makes me to think about it. And to think I didn't even want to have anything to do with breast milk while I was pregnant.

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I started my period today, too.

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Today just sucked. There is no other way to put it. S.U.C.K.E.D.

****Updated to add that the ventricular tap was a no go today (Sunday). They will be evaluated again tomorrow (Monday) morning. That is great news that they are not as bad as the first doctors thought. Plus, every extra day gives them the chance to start clearing up their bleeds on their own without intervention. That would be the best case scenario.