FSH was 9, E2 was slightly over 50 so the guess is that fsh would probably be 10 or 11 in reality because E2 lowers fsh. (both are an indication of lower reserves-yeah me)
I have to admit to being more than a little disappointed when the nurse gave me the results this afternoon. I immediately felt like this was the kiss of doom for my fertility. Sigh. I distinctly remember feeling the same way when I got that stupid 13 for my fsh the first cycle when it was tested four years ago. I swore the world was over then.
Suddenly that crow that landed on my freaking car when I pulled into the parking space at the pharmacy earlier in the day had an ominous meaning.
On the radio on the way home from the clinic was Alanis Morissette's "Ironic." I started to wonder if that was some hidden message from the universe and not just a catchy tune from the 90's.
My mind went from optimism to utter defeat in less than a minute.
Had the news come from my favorite nurse, I might not have taken it so negatively. The nurse that called today was just so...blah from start to finish.
I am trying to keep myself positive. This "lower reserve" crap is nothing new. It only takes one egg and all that jazz. Hell, I haven't even tried to stim yet! How do I know that today's numbers will produce anything less than what I've already seen in previous cycles?
I don't.
I am going to focus on what I can control and try to regain my faith that at some point my/our luck is going to turn around. Now is as good a time as any, right?
The nurse said that she had run the numbers by my RE when he called in earlier. If today's results were completely dismal, he wouldn't let me cycle. I know that.
Tonight I start the bcps. I will get a good night's rest and force myself to calm down.
I am going to get myself pregnant, damn it!
---
One really good thing that happened today is that my RE waived about $4000 off the total price of this IVF! The money was to pay for "professional fees" for scans/blood work/ect. You pay these fees once for three cycles, but the cycles have to be used in one year. Guess when my last cycle was? Yep. A year ago June. I technically would have to pay the fees again because my year expired, but my RE waived it for me for the remaining two cycles. :-)
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17 comments:
OK, so that's not terrible. And YAY for the waiving of the $4k!
I am just like that too...I always seem to go from great hope to great insecurity.
I'm pulling for you!!!
As much as I don't want it to, my mind also reads into almost every little thing as either a sign of good or bad things to come. I hope that despite the FSH and E2, you still have a good stim with great eggs.
And a $4K deduction? Let THAT good sign outweigh the creepy crow! :)
That was nice of the RE to waive those fees.
I hope those numbers don't bring you down for this cycle.
Praying that this one works. Come on bcps!!!
I bought sandals today, just for you!
For you, you think? Yes, for YOU. Know why? It's a lot easier to keep your toes crossed when they are not confined by leather and laces...
And why my toes instead of my fingers? Well, toddler twins. That's all the explanation you will need, right?
I am really really hoping this IVF is the one that will get you pregnant, and more importantly that this one will stick with you. You should have been snuggling with a 3 month old baby right now, the very least the universe can do is give you a 3 month old baby this time NEXT year...
I think everyone seems to be feeling defeated lately. Maybe it's the heat! lol
Good luck...maybe this cycle won't be as doomed as you feel?
I will continue to think positive thoughts because that is what I do! xoxo
I hate the feeling of thinking the universe is against us.
Keep your faith up!
And yay for the 4000 off! That's super. Now, if only he would do it for free!? We can dream!
Best of luck to you!
Ashlee, ICLW #180
I'm sorry for the discouraging numbers. Hope things turn around.
Fingers crossed that this is the ONE! Maybe a cute little girl?
Perhaps the crow is just your own special good luck sign?
This is going to be great. I feel it (and I am not the most optimistic person ever)! Try to feel it too. (And who cares about the low reserves, etc...there are reasons why you are doing IVF, and IVf is going to overcome this stuff).
Hey, $4000 is something to celebrate! I know it's probably a drop in the bucket of what you have/are going to spend, but it's something, right? Let that be the bigger "sign"! Good luck with this cycle!! Happy ICLW!
Cheering you on here! the $4K off is the first of many good things to come from the cycle. Chin up!!!
Thats awesome that your doctor was so nice to waive that fee!!
Im hoping that this all works out!!
Happy ICLW
All the best on this cycle!!!
ICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/
That's amazing that your RE is willing to waive those fees. That's a sign of a good doctor who wants to help, not just some know-it-all with a degree who wants to get paid and buy another mansion. :) And you're entitled to some negative emotions; as you know, this journey isn't exactly sunshine and roses all the time. I hope that the good night's rest helped though and that you're feeling better now.
Happy ICLW!
That's so great that your RE was willing to wave those fees.
I hope this month is it for you.
I went over and looked at your other blog too and your boys are adorable. :)
This is my first doing ICLW and my first time visiting your blog.
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