Control

I have six five more work days until vacation. Counting down the days is all that's getting me out of bed in the morning. I am still sick. I am stressed. I am cranky. I am overwhelmed with all that has to be done and oh my god I don't have enough hours in the day to do everything that must be done right this very minute.

The past few weeks have not been good.

It feels eerily like I am caught in some sort of mental rip current. As much as I struggle to get back to the shore, I look up to find myself even further away from my destination than I was just moments before. I know I'm supposed to swim with the flow until I am able to break free from its clutches, but man if doing so doesn't go against every fiber of my being. My usual instinct is to fight. It's what I do.

The thing is, I am tired of always fighting.

Unfortunately, I have wound myself so tight that I can't seem to do anything productive. With so much to do, I find myself doing is a whole lot of nothing at all.

In essence I've mentally given up even attempting to float out of the channel, preferring to just let myself drown.

Sigh.

Starting summer break is going to make a huge difference, I know. As much as I love my job, I am depleted of virtually all my energy by the end of the school year.

I've started my list of things that must be done yesterday as soon as possible so I can visually watch the stressors start to dwindle down to nothing.

Maybe that will help give me the sense of control I am so obviously missing right now.