Today I got out of bed, dusted myself off, and actually felt okay--not happy mind you, but good enough to be able to go to work without dragging my sorry ass there two seconds before the tardy bell. That is pretty good for a regular morning, but to have that happen on a morning after a night like last night is pretty freaking amazing. And I did it all without the help of a medicinal pick me up, too! Whoot!
I had another Parent Night tonight, making today the second twelve plus hour workday in a week. I smiled and chatted, presented for about an hour, and acted like a normal person the ENTIRE time. To look at me or hear me, you'd never know The crazy part of that is I actually FELT normal. Whoa. (You know who killed them with her winning personality, too. Ahem.)
But even better than that is that I am actually looking forward to getting my period and starting this roller coaster again. This dream is going to happen, damn it!
I realize that it's statements like that which make me seem more "stupid" than "resilient" but whatever.
Let's call the day a huge success.
(I say that even after a gun incident at school today. My kids but not in my class. In the end, we found out it was a toy, but we didn't know that for quite a while. Admin did not handle the situation well either. They will never learn. They still don't have a plan to deal with situations like this at my school or even in my district! Sigh. BTW, apparently I work in the hood.)
Now all I have to do is keep plugging forward the fourteen or so days until my period. I can do that. I can, and I will. I'll do whatever it takes.
Take that universe! You haven't broken me yet. Now, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying. Please and Thank you.
---
FYI: Yeah, yeah, we did the whole sex thing, but I have to say I wasn't exactly feeling it if you catch my drift. I am not holding out much (or any) hope for a miraculous pregnancy, but I guess stranger things have happened.
Posts
10 comments:
You don't sound stupid at all. I am so glad you bounced back and hope this next cycle can bring you the miracle you are looking for.
I remember when we were trying after our second m/c when hubby said. Cant we just have sex to have have sex. to be together because we want to not because we need to.
Easy for him to say, it's not his F'd up body... But I hear you. miracles do happen. Look at your two beautiful boys.
It's amazing how you can look at someone or be around them all day and not really know what is going on in their lives.
good job getting through the parent night...
are you sure you dont live in the hood. from last years stories and now this....whoa.
My vote is that you are resiliant! I'm glad you are feeling back to your regular self and hopefull for the future.
I can relate on the long school days too. I've got conferences tomorrow until 8pm. Ugh.
You ARE resilient!
Keep thinking positively. In the grand scheme of things this is a blip in time and it won't matter at all once you get pregnant again. And you will!
Take care.
Carrie
It's terrible when sex becomes just something you HAVE to do.
Crossing my fingers for that natural conception.
I would never use the word stupid when it came to you overcoming these obstacles. Courageous, uncompromising and fervent. Try using those girl.
You ROCK! Those 12 hour parent/teacher conference days are the pits! Seems early to be having them? Ours is early November. But the nice thing is that they do tend to keep your mind off of things, and sometimes that is a good thing.
I'm glad you're doing ok. I hope you'll take time out soon for some pampering and maybe some shopping therapy. Whatever makes you happy.
I have been trying to play catch up so I don't know what happened yesterday, but from what happened at work, OMG! I can't imagine the worry going through your mind and your students. What a nightmare.
2 12 hour days in a week? Yuck!
Loved this post. Thank god we have privacy in our heads. Keeping my fingers crossed for the miraculous pregnancy...hey, it happened here! Speaking of which, why didn't someone tell me contractions hurt? I didn't have this kind of pain with the triplets and I was 3 cm. Who knew.
maybe some good ol sex is the way your suppost to get pregnant this time.... remember you said stranger things have happened!!!!
You aren't stupid. And wow the gun incident thing sounds scary.
Post a Comment