Same place, almost same time, and definitely the same thing is happening--wide awake and trying not to be. Sigh.

Tomorrow is the follow-up for Shawn's surgery. Of course the appointment is set for a time that guarantees that we have to set out in the middle of LA traffic, so we are giving ourselves a two and a half hour window to get there. The thing that sucks most is that it is only 54.6 miles away from here. Why that needs to take two and a half hours always boggles my mind. The people who planned the freeways here sucked.

I am most anxious about what we'll find out at the appointment. Shawn has begun to get fussy again, so I am concerned that maybe the shunt isn't working the way it should. Plus, his soft spot has begun to bulge a little bit. I am not sure if that is because his skull is moving closer together and sort of squeezing the soft spot, or if it is because there is another blockage and the shunt isn't draining correctly. I may just be paying too close attention to it in the first place. It is still "soft", so I don't think there is any immediate danger, but you can bet I will literally be keeping one eye on the thing all night long.

The poor baby acts like he feels miserable. Tyle.nol will take the edge off, but I feel like I am using it too much and that I will just drug away his first few months at this rate. (don't worry, I am following the directions from the pediatrician about dosage)

So I suppose I just get to wait until tomorrow and see what the surgeon says. We have a list of questions to ask him. Wonder how satisfied I'll be at the end. Probably not very. I never seem to be after appointments anymore.

I still don't have an appointment with the neurologist yet. If they don't get Shawn in this week--sooner rather than later--then I am off to find a different doctor. Why have this guy as a doctor if I can't even get the boys in to see him? Plus, the receptionist didn't instill a lot of confidence in the office either. I had to tell her that he had surgery to get his shunt revised. Um. That should be common knowledge for someone who deals with patients with brain issues. Duh. Talk about someone who was uneducated.

I took Jason over to my parents' house for the night. We decided it would be easier to just have to manage getting Shawn out the door tomorrow morning. I was walking back to my car after leaving him with my mom, and I was struck by how easy it was to leave him and not have him with me. All of the NICU days have managed to cure me of my fear of others caring for him, it seems. Of course, it could just be that I trust my mommy.

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Thank you for sticking around and giving me such kind words of support. I realize that this place must seem so depressing lately. All of this can't be much fun to read. Again, I want to direct you to my alter ego blog if you would like to see pictures and what not of the boys. Just please remember to not leave comments there if you think that someone can find a way to link back to me here. You can post them here if you want to say something. (I have a very nosy SIL who would love to gossip about all of this stuff to whoever would listen to her. Shoot, no one would have to listen, she would just spout off to the wind if she thought that was all that was available.)