Do you hear it? That loud ticking? That's the time bomb in my baby just waiting to go off.

My hopes that Shawn's latest surgery was the answer are evaporating as I write this. We are just waiting for the inevitable now...

waiting for the next surgery...

the second shunt...

my poor baby.

I am so sad that all of this is happening to him. I want him whole. I want him to be healthy. I want him "hardware" (as the doctors and nurses call it) free.

But it most likely won't happen that way.

He is still eating the normal amount again after his momentous poo yesterday, but his eyes are starting to get funny again. He is acting fussy again. He started to have wet burps again. And the thing that scares me most, he soft spot isn't so soft anymore.

I hold him and tell him to heal his head. I tell him that he can do it. He can make himself better--we can do it together.

But I know that he can't. We can't.

It makes me sick that I let this happen.

And as if my day hasn't been bad enough, I have to go speak to the officiant for my dad's memorial tonight and get stuff ready for Saturday.

If I even will get to go. I'll probably be in the hospital with Shawn.