- Today was a good day. I had two really good friends from work over for lunch and some adult conversation. Ah...adult conversation was sorely missed around this place! (Well, adult conversation outside of Is.aac that is.) I got a bonus because the boys were excellent while they were here!
- Ja.son is totally fine now. I am still working on getting there. I had terrible nightmares about him choking that night. In each one there was always something stopping me from getting to him in time to save him. Is.aac said I talked all night long in my sleep, too. Ugh. It was awful. I slept better last night. I hope tonight will be back to normal for me.
- Tomorrow is my next monitoring appointment. I am stressed about it. I hate that each appointment brings such anxiety with it.
- I haven't written this cycle off completely, but I am not as optimistic or confident about a positive as I used to be. As much as I hate to admit it, I am already trying to wrap my mind around when I might be able to cycle again. The sad thing is that I am going off to a conference at the start of August (right when AF should show should I get a negative) so I am worried about timing. I scares me that I'd have to wait another month. I feel like my time to make this happen is slipping away at an alarming rate.
- I wouldn't want to go on bcps again, that is for sure. I've contemplated just taking my PIO for a few days longer to try and stay off AF. Do you think that would work?
- Does that make me a freak that I am already working on plan B? A pessimist?
- I am crazy afraid that I may not ever get pregnant again, or if I do, I won't be able to carry to term.
- Sh.awn continues to systematically push every single one of my buttons throughout the day. He is a master at playing me, and it is totally annoying. Surely I am smarter than a two year old? Don't answer that. Sigh.
- I was talking to my husband about it last night, and he said what I am experiencing sounds just like what he went through with Ja.son. (I never really had any big issues with Ja.son during this stage. I totally get him and why he is doing something, so it never really throws me.) After some talking, we came to the conclusion that we struggle with the one who is most like the other person. Sh.awn is more like Is.aac in personality, so I am batting heads with him. Ja.son is more like me in personality. Is.aac struggled with Ja.son. I don't know what that says about our relationship, but it is an interesting tidbit.
- Now I have to pump Is.aac for strategies to make things smoother between Sh.awn and myself.
- Needing to ask your husband how to better deal with your child is somewhat degrading. That explains why I have yet to do that. Ahem.
- It has been dark and gloomy around here this week. When the weather is like this, it always seems to get me down. Here's hoping for a bit of sunshine tomorrow...
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8 comments:
i need to hear some positive thinking being tapped out of those pretty little fingers over there miss!!
that's right - no more sally saddness -- it's time to be all polly positive -- positive energy draws positives!!
* this little butt kicking comes with love from your cyber buddy who also tends not to lean toward the positive and the one time i did ---- it got me nicholas *
i hope my other comment wasn't too harsh - it is not meant to be - but meant to hopefully bump you over to seeing positive --- atleast for a little while..... i know i can't do it all the time - it's a lot of work! LOL -- so try to think only POSITIVE THOUGHTS -- from now till you POAS - and get a few lines!
♥
Girl, the child that is most like me DRIVES ME TO CRAZY!!!!!! So you guys are just the opposite :)
Positivity is awesome, I won't argue there, but sometimes people should be allowed to complain and vent too. Can't be positive until we get out the negativity within. :P Just my two cents.
I constantly struggle with the glass half empty philosophy, so I totally get it.
My husband and I both deal with both of the girls differently and sometimes, it takes hearing the other person's perspective to get a better one ourselves.
stacie - i did not mean in any way for you NOT to vent - this is YOUR blog and YOUR space to vent -
that said - i do not think i will comment for a while - i am still pulling for you - and doing it with all my heart and soul - but Azaera's comments left me feeling pretty bad.
i was simply hoping for a different approach for you - to bump you into positive thinking so that positive energy will attract to you --- i am sorry if i offended you in any way at all - 100% not my intention.
o come from a place where you speak your mind - and you are usually respected for it - i am being authentic with my feelings here - i want you to have (as best you are able) -- positive thoughts - so you'll be surrounded with positive energy - so you'll show this cycle who's gonna have a baby!!
as mentioned previously - i am wising you at least one more . . . happy pink fat little baby.
Thanks for the kick in the rear, J. I know you only want the best for me! Hugs.
I like this Julie. Some ass kicker - all these follow up posts to make sure it didnt hurt your butt too much!
Julie, you are darling. We get your intent, no sweat.
Sometimes I think about Plan B too. I havent even started yet. Crap. I think it makes me feel in control.
You're good Stork, You're good.
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