Sleep, Food, Clothes, and Reading...

Nothing much is going on with me. I am still enjoying the start of my vacation. I just finished a full week, and it has been heaven to be home and be able to sleep whenever I wanted.

Speaking of sleep, I am still napping/resting for a lot of the day. I do know that part of the sleep issue is that I was so deprived during the school year. I am always like this when summer begins. It takes a few weeks before I finally feel like I am rested. Adding pregnancy to the exhaustion I already felt, well, you know what that causes. Now I sleep for around 10 hours at night and nap for another 1-2 hours during the day. That takes up most of the day...there's not much time for anything else when you're always asleep!

Have you ever noticed the amount of commercials on television that deal with food? It never really occurred to me before now. I have decided that these commercials are a dangerous thing. Seems like whatever I see on television becomes something I must eat. This includes things that I really don't like. It doesn't matter. I still have to have it--now. Hubby has been pretty good about the random calls he gets throughout the day about different foods I want him to bring home. He said nothing about the rotisserie chicken I just had to have one night. (I haven't willing had chicken for at least 15 years. I used to work at a fried chicken fast food joint and haven't even been able to stand the smell since.) He only slightly protested when I wanted pickles, string cheese, and Spanish rice for dinner one night. All of these cravings came from stupid commercials. I am certain that they wouldn't have entered my head if I hadn't seen them on TV.

All of my eating and resting has begun to show on me. My pants are tight, and it won't be long before they don't fit any longer. I have been reluctant to go maternity clothes shopping, but broke down and went yesterday with my mom. I didn't have a good time at all. I can't seem to wrap my mind around wearing maternity clothes. I know that is crazy. I worked so hard to get pregnant--still I have had the hardest time watching my body change and get bigger. Wearing maternity clothes just seems to make everything more real. Anyway, I went looking for jeans because I am a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. I was greatly disappointed at what I found. Needless to say, I didn't buy anything. Sigh. I suppose I'll go online this weekend and see if I can find anything there.

Finished my first book last night. It was about a set of identical twins who were kidnapped while their parents were out at a party. One twin was returned after the a ransom was paid, but the other was kept by the kidnappers. It was a fun quick read if you like the crime/drama, happy ending sort of book. Reading is something I love to do, but I usually have to cram all of my reading for the year into the few short weeks of summer. I just bought another book to read tonight so I am excited about that.

I am up for reading suggestions if anyone has one.

Did I say that vacation is wunnerful? Well, it totally is!

Here is something for you all to try. Test your memory!

Face Memory Test

I scored 100% on part 1 and 70% on part 2. I must need lots more sleep!

How did you do? Good luck!

Ahh Vacation!

Vacation is definitely one of the perks about being a teacher. I will readily admit that. I do feel, however, that the vacation we do get is a much deserved break from an incredibly challenging and often stressful occupation. That being said, summer vacation is still one heck of a perk!

Yesterday I had my first big girl ultrasound. Imagine my surprise when I got to keep my pants on for once! I was so used to dropping them, I practically was pulling them down as I entered the exam room. The lack of stirrups was one clue that this would be slightly different from my other scans. The technician's panic and reddened face when he saw me reach for the zipper of my pants was another. In the end, my modesty was preserved and I only pulled them down slightly so the tech could gel me up and get the show on the road.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw. They were no longer grainy, gray blobs, indistinguishable from the other grainy, gray blobs around them (except that they are in a black hole on the screen).

No. Now they finally looked unmistakeably human! Wow. They were swimming and moving their arms. They flipped and turned, so much so that it was hard for the tech to get a good measurement at first. Wow. It was amazing! We got a DVD of the ultrasound and lots of pictures. Totally cool!

Of course, I have to admit that I had to use the Doppler I bought on ebay before I went to the appointment. I had to be prepared for the worst, just in case. That is only a little neurotic, right?

A Roller Coaster of Emotions Part 2

I was released by my RE this week. I was totally unprepared for the emotions that my little "graduation" would evoke. The thought of leaving that place, where I had spent so much time over the last year, terrifies me! It was comfortable. I knew the game plan, what was happening and what would be next. The pattern of shots, schedules, and counting follies was comforting. There was action--I was doing something and feeling something. The doctors and nurses knew me and my issues. They WANTED me pregnant and believed it would happen even when I didn't. Now I will be forced into the real world, to an OB/GYN who I haven't seen in over a year. That place where all those pregnant people mocked me the last time I was there.

Only this time I'll be pregnant, too. Why do I feel like such a fake or something? An impostor? Like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother's clothes?

Do I fit into the pregnant world with all of these confusing feelings, fears, and doubts? I don't fit into the infertile/ivf world anymore. I have jumped ship and joined "them". Where do I belong?

Christ.

Now I just wait. Wait to feel like I am pregnant. Wait for the next ultrasound to confirm that the little ones are still doing okay. Wait to see if this will really happen and if I will end up with babies in a few months. There's no more action. Only waiting. And apparently, I am NOT good at waiting.

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

I am still having trouble putting my feelings here. I don't know why. I often think of what I want to say and come here with every intention of writing, but I just don't. It is the strangest thing and something I can't quite figure out.

This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. This was the final week of school--at last. The last days of school are always a whirlwind of events. There is massive grading, cleaning, promotion practice, and finishing up the end of the year. It is crazy.

We had some horrible news, though, when we found out that one of our students was stabbed by a family member and passed away last Monday. While she wasn't a student in my class, something like this shakes the entire school--the entire district for that matter. The saddest part was that it never should have happened. Warning signs were blaring all around the girl's family that this particular family member was not well. No one listened. Now an innocent young girl is dead. Killed in her sleep. She was eleven. It was so senseless and it breaks my heart.

A memorial fund has been set up to help the family pay for funeral and burial costs.

Hopefully the service will be next week.

Sometimes I forget that things like this happen in the world every day.

I've Been Tagged!

I have been tagged by the rotten correspondent to list 8 random facts about myself. This is quite an undertaking for me because lately I haven't done much more than eat or sleep!

8 Random Facts About Me:

1) I speak a mean guinea pig. I can call all of the guinea pigs out of hiding when I squeal at the pet store! I do get a few stares, too, but it makes my husband laugh so I keep doing it.

2) I can crack just about every joint in my body. My brothers started the habit when we were kids. They used to pop my toes as a form of torture! Now at night before I can go to sleep, I have to crack everything from my toes to my neck!

3) I am afraid of the dentist. This stems back to the time I had to have the same tooth root canaled three times. I go when I need to, but I am NOT happy about it.

4) My favorite food of the moment is Goldfish crackers (plain).

5) I am a closet George Michael fan. Yes, I know the stories about him. It is a sickness that I can't shake for some reason! Shh...don't tell anyone.

6) I am a slot slut. I enjoy gambling and playing slot machines whenever I get the chance. As a matter of fact, we have a trip planned as soon as school gets out!

7) My favorite animal is a monkey.

8) I want to learn to fly airplanes when I grow up.

I am not sure who to tag in response to this...hmm. I'll have to keep thinking about it and get back to you all!

Vent

I had a rough day at school today. There are only 7 days left to the school year, and we are all feeling it. The end of the year can't come quick enough for any of us.

One highlight of the day was during first period. I had asked my students to fill out some paperwork so I could update the student cumulative records. This wasn't earth shattering information; I asked for things like name, address, date of birth, parent occupations, etc. Simple right? Surely a 7th grader could do this without much problem, right? Wrong. One kid couldn't spell his middle name. I kid you not. Couldn't spell it. Two others didn't know their addresses. I was so frustrated with them! Jeez. Come on already! Think for a minute! They act like they haven't learned a thing!

It went down hill from there.

I hope it is just the hormones making me crazy. I hope things will be better tomorrow.

Update

Thank you so much for the positive thoughts and prayers over the last few days. I certainly didn't mean to leave everyone hanging.

The ultrasound went well. We saw two strong heartbeats (thank goodness!) and both babies seem to be doing well. Baby B, Ethel, measured at 8w2d, while baby A, Lucy, measured in at 8w1d. They are both right on target as far as growth. The doctor didn't see any cause for the spotting. He actually said that he was surprised that I hadn't had any spotting before then because he has seen most multiple pregnancies with early spotting. He suggested I lounge around the house over the weekend to ensure that all is well, and that is exactly what I did! There hasn't been any spotting today, so it looks like his suggestion worked.

At this appointment we actually got a congratulations and a hug from both the doctors we have seen at the clinic as well as all of the nurses there that day. My main doctor even said that he that he would go out on a limb and say that based on the babies' measurements and how things look, he felt the babies are there for the long haul. He dropped my miscarriage rate to about 3 percent (hand wipes brow) and said at 10 weeks the rate will drop to one percent. Yippee! While I realize that someone has to be part of that three percent right now, I am starting to believe that I won't be one of those people.

Did you catch that? That was optimism! Wow...I haven't had that for a long while!

Twins. I am having two babies. At the same time. Whoa! That freaks me out a little. My mom bought me two little newborn onesies the other day. It hit me that all that baby will be in me! Jeez. I am excited and scared. Happy and nervous. I have all these conflicting emotions that I guess I haven't really dealt with until now. Lying around gives you lots of time to think about such things.

My next ultrasound will be at my 10 week mark. The doctor will most likely take me off the Lovenox, progesterone, and estrogen at that point.

Right now, though, I am enjoying the moment and taking it one step at a time.

P.S. I'll post the ultrasound photos when I get the chance!

Scared

I haven't posted for awile. I am still afraid that I might somehow jinx this pregnancy and something might happen.

I am waiting to leave for my second ultrasound. As if that isn't nerve wracking enough, I started to spot yesterday afternoon. It was brown and after a bowel movement, but I started to cramp afterward. The cramping lasted for about twenty minutes and then became sort of a tugging sensation on my left side. I am still totally freaked about the whole thing. I spotted again today, again after a bowel movement. I pray that both babies will be okay and that this isn't some sign of doom. Please pray for me and the babies...