Holland

Forgive me, as this post is a little disjointed. I am just trying to work some things out in my head...

Thanks to Caryanne, I was introduced to a new blog that has me absolutely rivoted. The author, Kelle, anxiously awaited the birth of her second daughter, Nella, only to find after the birth that her beautiful new daughter has Down Syndrome. This post describes Nella's birth and her realization that things are not how she expected them--have your Kleenex handy because you will need them.

This blog has touched me deeply. The author uses the metaphor of going on a trip and expecting to land in Italy, only to find that you have instead been forced to land in Holland. There is beauty to be found in Holland, but that isn't where you wanted to go. She is still struggling to learn to love life in Holland and is mourning the loss of her trip to Italy.

That's exactly how it feels for me. The life I pictured...and so wanted...didn't exactly turn out the way I planned.

I envisioned Italy with all the bright lights and fanciness it holds.

I never wanted to go someplace else, yet here I am anyway. While the boys don't have Down Syndrome, and it a lot of ways are doing very well, I feel like my family has been sent to Holland, too.

And it hurts more than I could ever really express.

I love Holland. Yet I hate it passionately too. LIFE can be hard in Holland.

I wonder how I can hate something that has anything to do with the boys. It makes me feel awful to even say it. What kind of person am I? That--hate--isn't even exactly right, anyway.

This weekend has been rough for me. I am really feeling the challenges we have faced in the past and the ones that still lie in our future.

I suppose I am just jealous of all of you who get to live in Italy.

I tried to force myself out of this funk, but it just isn't happening. I can't even bring myself to write my Sock It to Me post--and that is something that I was looking forward to doing.

I suspect that some of this has to do with a period that is now late (and no, I doubt I am pregnant) which is making me a hormonal mess. It doesn't help that I have the anniversaries of miscarriage number 2 AND my dad's death to get through this month. There's a neurologist appointment for the boys (and you know how I LOVE those appointments), and then there's the due date from my last pregnancy...

Sigh.

March is definitely not my favorite month.

---

It occurs to me that by dwelling on all that I am missing in Italy, I am preventing myself from enjoying Holland. That realization, though, doesn't mean that the sadness instantly disappears. I know I have an issue and just need to deal. But I am a fighter. That fight has gotten me --and us-- to where we are today. I need to figure out how to fight while allowing myself to relax and enjoy.

I also hope you understand that for the most part, I am happy with my life. I love my boys with a fierceness I hadn't known possible before they were a part of my life. Sure, there are things I'd like to improve, don't we all have that?

Stacie-ology

Thanks to Kristin for this idea. I am a sucker for a fun meme. :-)

Hey you! Yes, you and you and you and, especially you! Any of you reading this. You're tagged. After you've gotten to learn more about me than you ever wanted to know, take a turn and play the game. It's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followed by "ology."

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Thousand Islands if they have it (and for some reason they don't always) or Italian
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Right now it is Olive Garden so I can eat the salad and bread sticks
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Carl's Junior
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Chocolate
What are your pizza toppings of choice? sausage and/or peperoni
How many televisions are in your house? two at the moment
What color cell phone do you have? black - it's an LG VU

BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? well, I've had stuff lifted out and then put back in for the c-section! Does that count? Oh, and I am most likely soon to be tubeless as they approved my laparoscopy! (more on that later)
What is the last heavy item you lifted? two 30+ toddlers at the same time
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Only with drugs...
Have you ever fainted? yes

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no, that would wig me out
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Oh...hard question. I don't necessarily love my name, but I haven't really found another one that seems to fit me. I am open for suggestions, though. :-)
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Not a single pair. I would have to be barefoot for that and that isn't going to happen
Last person you talked to? Is.aac

FAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Summer - I love being warm and toasty
Holiday? Christmas.
Day of the week? Thursdays and Saturdays
Month? December
Color? green
Drink? Pepsi
Alcoholic? nope - I rarely drink alcohol

CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? Yes ;(
What are you listening to? The television and the boys' white noise machine
What are you watching? Scrubs is on the television
Worrying about? my boys, grading papers
What's the last movie you saw? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (on television last night)
Do you smile often? I try to.
If you could change your eye color what would it be? Blue
What's on your wish list for your birthday? new sunglasses
Can you do a chin-up? Heck, I rock on chin-ups! It has been a while though. I may not be able to do more than 5 or 6 now. Used to be able to do 20+. I have freakishly strong arms.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited? I think it's both.
Have you been in a car wreck? Yes.
Have you caused a car wreck? Yes. In my defense the chick I hit was an accident magnet. She got in another accident the very next week!
Do you have an accent? Just a Californian accent
Last time you cried? yesterday - I had sort of a mini-meltdown
Plans tonight? going to Target hopefully
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? more times than I'd like to admit to
Name three things you bought yesterday? I bought the boys some jeans from Target's clearance
Have you met someone who has changed your life? Yes, quite a few, actually.
For the better or worse? Mostly better. :-)
How did you bring in the New Year? At home with my family.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I think so. I have some stuff I'd like to do differently with hopefully better results.
What songs do you sing in the shower? none. I don't sing in the shower.
Have you held hands with someone today? yes, I held Sh.awn's hand
Who was the last person you took a picture of? Myself in my new socks! (posting later tonight)
Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Both.
Do you like pulpy orange juice? Nope.
Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? it has been a long while
What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? watching television
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? "Good grief. Is it morning already?"

Friday Night Leftovers

I'm trying something new this week--I am participating in Danifred's Friday Night Leftovers. (Thanks to Carrie for the idea!) The premise is to "write out all the random thoughts swimming in your head that don't quite constitute a blog entry of their own." Now that is something I can do. Plus, I get to use bullets! :-)

• I had the strangest thing happen to me last night. I often like to click on people's sidebar blog lists. Last night I had clicked through a chain of six or seven blogs before I stopped dead in my tracks. I hit on a blog from someone in my hometown! We're talking a blog of someone who lives less than 2 miles from me. The post was about how they were moving to a new city--mine--and talked about the house they were buying. The whole thing freaked me out, and I had to click away. It was like some strange version of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. While I realize that I am only pseudo anonymous on this thing, I really don't want a whole lot of IRL people finding this space and reading my thoughts.
• Hey, speaking of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I am only THREE degrees from Kevin. :-) I was an extra in a movie with Michael Easton -- who was in Coldfire (1990) -- with J Cynthia Brooks -- who was in She's Having a Baby -- with KEVIN BACON! How cool is that? I am like almost famous. You can play around with this game by going here.
• The boys have PT on Fridays, usually from 2:30-4:30. Today, she came early, so I had the afternoon off. Whoot! I went to happy hour with some girls from work and had a great time just talking and laughing. Ahhhhh...it was so good for the soul.
• Our district's server was infected with a computer virus on Wednesday afternoon. That meant that all computers had to be off the network while they were working on it, so I was without a computer for two and a half days at work. I almost lost my mind. I was so excited when the finally let us back on today.
• Is.aac is driving me up the wall. I think he is PMSing. It is funny how his PMS symptoms seem to coincide with the last week of my cycle. He goes back to normal about a day after I start AF. Strange, huh?
• I am on CD 27. I should start tomorrow. There is no sign of the usual spotting that normally accompanies my period. Sigh.
• I need to go take my boys to have their pictures professionally done. They have never been. When they were little, I didn't want to expose them to the germs. Last year, I was going to try to have them done, but when we got there Sh.awn lost his shit, so it didn't happen. Now? I don't really have any reason to not take them. It makes me feel a little weird to not have them--like I am a bad mother or something because I haven't spent outrageous amounts of money at Kinder Photo or Sears.
• But taking the boys to Sears would probably just annoy me. I might want to correct the photographer or take the camera control from her to do them myself. Maybe a place like Kinder Photo would be a better idea.
• Why do the Olympics start at 8 and run to past midnight? It would be so easy to start at 7 and end at a decent time. As usual, I am watching the Olympics while I type this. Thank goodness I am good at multitasking or NOTHING would get done!
• The luge doesn't seem like a very fun sport. Is it me, or do they seem to tip over a lot? Sliding down an icy track on my head just isn't my idea of a good time.

All right. That is enough for now. I could write these thoughts forever at this rate.

My Sock It To Me post is coming tomorrow...

Just Tired

Welcome ICLWers! Thank you for stopping by!

I do have a Sock It To Me post coming up either tomorrow or the next day. I did get my socks, and they are so warm and fuzzy. They're perfect! The timing is great, too, because we are once again getting rain. :-)

I am up to my eyeballs in stress, and as usual, when I get overwhelmed I go quiet. I am just tired.

You probably wouldn't know how stressed I am to look at me either. You'd probably think that I have my shit together and all was okay. Well, maybe not you guys...you know far too much about the inner workings of my tired mind to be fooled by a seemingly cool exterior.

Some of you may have noticed that I've been posting on the boys' blog that Ja.son is going to be having his eye surgery in April. The idea of it is seriously freaking me out. It isn't the procedure that is making me go all batty; it is the idea of him having a surgery that is doing it. Even after all that we've been through, I am freaking the fuck out. I know it makes no sense. As far as surgeries go--especially the kind we've had--a thirty minute same day eye surgery should be a minor blip on my radar.

But it doesn't feel that way. It feels HUGE.

---

The lap/hysteroscopy authorization is now in the works. I played telephone tag with my OB's office for ages, and never really felt like I was getting a straight answer from them on the best way to proceed. They wanted me to come in for an exam and pap (they have a ten week waiting period for this type of thing) before they'd do an authorization. Get pregnant and they'll see you in ten minutes. Just try to get pregnant and you have to wait months. Ugh. I was not happy.

I also called the RE's office and talked to them several times about the issue. I reiterated my fears that this would be considered a "fertility" issue and be covered at only 50% when I really thought that pushing the pain angle was legitimate and should make it covered 100%. I mean, I do have PAIN. (Even right now in fact. I've been cramping since Sunday, and I don't expect my period until Saturday.) Anyway, I told her that if it isn't covered at 100% that we probably wouldn't be able to do it at all. She did some research and thinks that it should be okay. We shall see. It would be nice if this would work out in my favor. I don't want to be greedy or anything, but I think I am due for something to go my way. Sooner rather than later.

---

Speaking of AF, I know that there is very little chance that we would manage to get pregnant without medical intervention. My head knows it. My heart...is a little slow on the uptake. I hate that it makes me hope my period never shows every month.

And I hate that I am not pregnant.

Again.

Blah.

So, I am a bit premenstrual. That's definitely not helping the stress level.

---

I somehow pulled a rib muscle this week. I was really sore on Monday and Tuesday and could barely move. The boys, however, did not understand or care that mommy hurt like hell. They still wanted to be picked up and walked with and the wanted it N.O.W.

I am finally starting to feel a bit better today.

Oh percoset how I heart thee.

---

Thank you for the support on my last post. I'm going to save the post to draft I think. Seeing it here, in a place I consider safe, makes my insides go to mush.

And FYI -- The student was not at school today. He was suspended for at least two day. I am not sure about how many more. The admin did not address the issue with the staff today, which upsets me, so there has not been any update on the status of situation.

I just can't even deal with this right now. People are so stupid. Sigh.

I Got An Award! (Part 2)

And the nominees are...

in no particular order...

1. KJ from Role Playing with Kids. KJ is hilarious, supportive, and an awesome mother. She has a way of making you laugh, cry, and reflect depending on the topic of her posts. Often, you'll do all three!
2. Trish from Fertile Hope. Trish is an amazing woman and the loving mother to Robbie. She is sensitive and thought provoking, and I love the way she writes.
3. Kristin from Dragondreamer's Lair. Kristin is so creative. She can do it all--crafts, homeschooling, photography--you name it!
4. Melis.sa from So It Goes. Melis.sa is a mom to E. lizabeth and is trying for number 2. I am totally rooting for her!
5. Mrs. Spock from Mrs. Spock. I haven't been reading her for very long, but I knew I needed to head over and follow along when it occurred to me that she was commenting on many of the blogs I regularly read. I am certainly glad I did. She is wonderful!
6. Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka. I found Becky and her blog just after her daughter was born. I've been reading and laughing ever since! (Um, yes, Becky. I know I suck at commenting. (blush))
7. The Amazing Soda Pop Girl, Eden, from Edenland. If you haven't been to read her...you need to. She is the BEST!

Wait a minute...I have more to write and blogs to nominate! I want to give this to you all! Sigh.

But I was only supposed to choose 7, so I will be a good girl and follow the rules this once. (Boo to rules.)

I Got An Award! (Part 1)

Thanks to Jennifer at A Look Into My Life for this thoughtful award! It was such a pleasant surprise. :-) If you haven't had the chance to get to know Jennifer, stop by her blog and say, "Hi!" She's super nice and upbeat. Plus, she is wildly talented and makes beautiful jewelry!

The rules for this award are simple - just give 7 fun facts about you and then nominate 7 people for the beautiful blogger award.

Hm. Finding seven new facts to tell you about myself is getting hard. I am sort of an open book here. I'll give it my best shot, though:

1. I was an extra in a movie of the week starring Rick Schroder and Michael Easton while I was in college. Actually, Is.aac was the extra, but they needed more people so they had the extras call their significant others for a party scene. When I got there, they separated the two of us and paired us up with other people. The casting person said we didn't look right as a couple. What-ev-er. I got paired with this big football player type. Is.aac got paired with some tiny bimbo (if I remember correctly).
2. When I was in junior high school, I really wanted to be an astronaut when I got older. That all changed when I was in 7th grade and the Challenger exploded. I switched my career goal from astronaut to airplane pilot--you know, because that is a lot safer. Ahem. Anyway, I still remember the classroom and where I was sitting when we heard the news of the explosion over the school's loud speaker. The crazy thing is that I teach in that room today. Thankfully, the room has been remodeled since then so it doesn't look the same anymore.
3. I am entertaining the idea of changing careers and becoming a nurse. I don't know when that seed was planted, but it has done nothing but grow since I realized it was there. Is it any surprise that I'd want to work in the NICU?
4. I break out in hives when I sweat. It is awful. I also break out in hives if I get Is.aac's sweat on me, too. Ahem.
5. If I could be in the Winter Olympics for any sport, I'd choose skiing. I just think it seems so...free. The problem with this is that I 1) don't like cold, 2) don't know how to ski, and 3) I get hives when I sweat.
6. I love to start and try new things, but I often lose interest and won't finish them. To combat this problem, I try to keep working on something for as long as I can before I stop. I know that if I stop, I just might not get back into it. One look at my kitchen would drive this point home. All I have left is the finishing details and it would be done. Those details are all I've had left for two years...does that tell you anything?
7. I collect sun catchers and crystal prisms. I have them hanging in just about every window. I love the way they look when the sun shines through them. (One of the boys' first words was rainbow...and not because it rains a lot here!)

Okay, it is getting late. I'll be back tomorrow and post the names of those I nominate for this award.

Because That's How Things Roll in My Life

You know that insurance approval I was waiting for? The one that was supposed to approve the lap and hysteroscopy? The one I got a letter saying that they needed the doctor's notes before they'd approve anything?

Well, apparently the insurance company wasn't trying to approve my lap at all. Apparently, all that crap was for them to approve the consult I had with the RE in January. Can you freaking believe that?

Sigh.

I finally connected with the surgical coordinator at the clinic. She explained that the RE had not completed the necessary paperwork for them to request the procedures. His notes say something about me deciding whether or not I wanted the procedure done with him or with my OB. The RE didn't want to process the request and run the risk that the insurance company would see it as fertility related rather than pain related (which is totally legit--I do have some freaking painful cycles). His line of thinking was that the OB would be better able to stress the pain angle and get the procedures approved at 100% less the copay of $250. Through the RE, there is a chance that my insurance company might consider the lap/hysteroscopy as fertility related and only cover it at 50%. (I have 50% coverage for diagnostics, IUI's, and IUI medication only. I have 0% coverage for IVF or meds. Got to love CA.)

Tomorrow I have to get a hold of my OB's office and see if they can give me any idea of what they think might happen should they try to process the request. If they think it is going to be the same outcome, I may have to say screw the whole thing. Yes, 50% would be better than nothing, but it still may be too much for us to swing right now.

Nothing is ever easy. Silly me, thinking that there was already an authorization in the works and things might go my way.

Ahhh...

This weekend was really nice. I have to admit that I had a bit of guilt as I dropped the boys at my mom's house, although I did my best to force the feelings aside for the most part.

We did nothing, and yet we did loads of things.

We went to Tar.get and got the boys Valentine's Day gifts. (the cutest little dancing frog and a little duck--too bad the frog freaks Sh.awn out and makes him cry)

We went and hung out at a local lake and saw two young deer. :-)

We went to a casino for an hour and a half and won...get this...$675 on a nickel machine. Not too bad for $20, no?

We ate out three times! You know, at actual restaurants! I had almost forgotten what those things were. Granted, they weren't the best of restaurants, but still. We had to go in and sit down before we ordered. That is a huge step up from the infrequent Ta.co Bell or pizza we would normally get.

It was heaven. There were no schedules to keep up with. No worries that everyone was fed and rested. It was just all about us doing whatever struck us at the time.

It was...ahhhhhhhhhh...

and so very needed.

I think the funniest thing that happened was when we were at Olive Garden. I swear the waiter, Antonio, was flirting with Is.aac at every opportunity. It was like I wasn't even there. When our food arrived, Antonio even winked at Is.aac as he put his plate on the table. Is.aac nearly died from embarrassment! (He may look hot, but he isn't used to getting out right attention nowadays.) I, on the other hand, nearly died from laughter. The look on both of their faces was priceless!

Here's what he ordered:

A smidgen phallic, no?

Heh.Heh.

And yes, I left Antonio a pretty good tip. ;-)

Love for Anther Blogger

I am constantly amazed at how cruel life can be. It makes me sooooo ANGRY to think about the unfairness of it all. So many good people are sent such CRAP. It just isn't right.

It is time we rally around another blogger who has just received some devastating news. We can lift her up. We can send her strength and prayers. We can sit with her through the long days ahead of her...

because the cancer discovered at the beginning of this month has spread to her bones.

My heart is heavy for her. I hope with all I've got that she beats this thing.

Please stop by and leave a comment of love/support for Louise at Evil Stepmonster.

Friday's Thoughts - In Bullets

• I did my first official training walk today-4 miles in an hour and twenty minutes. For the last two and a half, I carried Sh.awn. Not too bad if I do say so myself. :-) It was nice to chat and be with the girls for a bit, too. I hope I am not too sore tomorrow. It is hard carrying around 30 pounds of weight for that long!
• My child caught me getting dressed after my walk this afternoon. His response? "Oooh, booooobiiiiieeeessss." I am so proud. :-) (Can't decide if I am more proud of him saying the words OR the fact that he actually saw something-I suppose I am happy either way!)
• Even though I knew that the anniversary of the sho.oting was coming up this week, I have to say that I had expected to miss a lot of the emotional land mines that we had experienced last year. Of course we weren't that fortunate. News people had called several times--even managing to make it through to various classrooms by randomly punching in extension line numbers!--wanting to know what we were going to do to commemorate the tragedy. (Um, nothing. We are on a four day vacation in observance of President's Day, etc.) Quite a few kids also decided that they would participate in the day of silence yesterday and were wearing signs around their necks. Seeing the kids wear the signs affected me more than I expected. I mean, it does annoy me that the kids doing this didn't even know the students involved in the shooting; but more than that, they didn't seem to be doing it for any reason other than the shock value of it. It made me sick to my stomach. My day just tanked from there.
• Speaking of school, I had to do the high school recommendations for my eighth grade students yesterday. Talk about pressure. I have to recommend if these kids go into Standard, College Prep, or Honors classes next year. Granted, I am supposed to use data to make these decisions, but it just broke my heart to have to say that some of the kids have to go to the basic classes. Ugh.
• Ja.son is refusing to walk at all in his new $1300 orthotics. Sigh. The PT came today to work with him, and she was able to get him to do some walking and standing, but I am discouraged about the whole thing. I really wanted this to be IT and fix everything. Sigh. I guess I have a lot more work ahead of me. Boo.
• Did I mention that the PT is 27.5 weeks pregnant with a girl? No? Well that sucks, too, even though I want to be happy for her.
• I am still getting the runaround from the clinic/insurance about the lap. I called the clinic on Monday and left a message. I haven't been called back. I tried twice today to get ahold of the clinic only to get their answering service. I didn't even bother leaving a message with them. I'll try calling again tomorrow.
• I spotted this cycle when I ovulated. Plus, I've had several painful cramping episodes over the last 48 hours. That doesn't make me think that there is good news happening in the old insides. It's only CD12.
• On a good note, Is.aac convinced my mom to take the boys overnight tomorrow. This will only be the second time EV-AH we've been away from both boys for a full 24 hours. He's all excited. I'm all excited. So what that we may be excited about different things, right? He's got ideas of romance and the like. I am salivating over the idea of sleeping in for AS LONG AS I WANT!!!!! Ahem.
• I do think we'll try to go to the movies and out to eat, though. Can't sleep the whole day away...or can you?
• I am also looking forward to the Olympics tonight! I am such an Olympics whore it isn't even funny. I am like this for every single one. I want to watch everything! At least this one is a little better for my sleeping patterns compared to the last one. Good grief I was up all freaking night trying to see it all.
• No school on Monday, either! Yeah!

Wordless Wednesday - Man, I Love These Guys...

...with everything I've got.

There's no way I could not! :-)

(contented sigh)

What Does $1300 Get You?

Some itty bitty orthotics! (Thank goodness for medical insurance because pleeeeeaaaaseeee.)

---

We finally got Ja.son's orthotics on Monday. Frankly, I think they were waaaay over priced. I mean, there isn't much to them.

This is them inside his tennis shoes (size 7!). You can barely see them sticking out of his actual shoe.

Don't these look like adult shoes? Jeez!

Each orthotic has two straps that go over the top of the foot. The orthotics compresses the foot into position, so we have to make sure that the straps are pulled tight. (In Ja.son's case, he has very flat feet and his ankles and knees turn in because of that. He gets that from Is.aac. The orthotics will force his ankles out the way they should be and form his arch over the next several months.)

It is a bit odd to put the orthotics on Ja.son because it feels like I am putting them on wrong. The way they are created, it looks like they're on the wrong feet, but they're not.



Ja.son picked out a nifty construction vehicles and school buses design for them. He's all about the school bus at the moment. Sadly, the design lost something in the translation, so he wasn't all that interested in the school buses when we finally picked them up.



Here they are, all ready to put on his feet...

Right now we are getting him used to the orthotics by having him wear them for an hour with a half an hour break (to check for pressure points/blisters/calluses). We increase the time an hour a day until we get to full time wear, which should be on Friday.

He seemed okay with wearing them yesterday, but last night he threw a fit when we tried to put them on him. I am hoping that was just a fluke.

Right after this picture, he threw the shoe and left. I swear I heard him say something about "no, no, no" as he was going down the hall. Maybe I was just imagining things.

Stay tuned. I still can't wait to be complaining about him walking around and getting into everything. At that point, I give you my permission to tell me all the "I told you so's" you want. I won't even take offense! :-)

Perfect Moment Monday - Hanging Out with the Boys

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

What things looked like around our house tonight.

Sh.awny waits...

Boom! Ja.son is thrown over his daddy's body onto the pillow!

Laughter for everyone...

Fun times! :-)

Someday, before I know it, these moments will be long gone. I am definitely trying to treasure them while they last.

I Am Alive!

Popping in to say that I am alive.

School has been...horrendous, so I have been overwhelmed with stress. I've had a number of challenging students transfer in from other schools (why do all the crazies end up in my room?) which has made for some difficult days. We reached the crescendo today when there was a big drug bust, and it was discovered that a video of a fight was posted on You.tube. In all, fourteen kids got suspended, 9 of which were mine (from only 2 classes!).

The good news is that I am not going crazy. They really are challenging. Plus, it looks like next week will be a lot less stressful now that all of them will be gone.

It's good timing, really. Next week is the anniversary of the shooting. Not. looking. forward. to. next. week. at. all. Fortunately we have a four day weekend that starts on the anniversary date, so we won't have to be in school. That is something, at least. Sigh.

---

Ja.son's orthotics are finally in for us to pick up! Yay! We go in on Monday morning to make sure they fit and bring them home. I am so hoping this will be the ticket to making my boy a lot more independent. I can only be his personal walker so long before it gets tiring. Anyway, wish us (mostly him) luck and pray this gets him walking on his own soon. (Have I said that he is just at the cusp, but can't quite get the courage to just go for it? I can't wait to complain about how he is into everything!)

---

Today, I got a notice from the insurance company that they need more information before they approve my lap. They are waiting for something from the RE. Once they get that, they'll make the decision on whether they will approve it within 5 days.

I'm calling the clinic tomorrow to talk to them about it. Hopefully they'll clear it all up, so I can schedule everything and get it over with.

---

I'm going to walk in a half marathon in May. I have no idea why this sounds like a good idea (because I seriously don't like to sweat!) other than the fact that my sister-friends are doing it, too. Spending a night away with the girls was just too great an opportunity to pass up, I guess. :-)

Okay, that's pretty much it on my end. Hope all of you are doing well...

Ja.son's Day

Two years ago, February 3 was a Sunday. It was the day our family finally became complete. Ja.son was released from the NICU!

Here are some of the last pictures we took from the NICU--ever!

(notice that Is.aac and I look a bit more tired in these shots--Sh.awn had already been home for ten days and we were wiped)



Plus, we were in a state of shock. I don't think we ever thought this day would come!

Woohoo! All decked out in his car seat and ready to go.

Is.aac and I ran for the doors, just in case they changed their minds!

Finally at home with his brother--right where he belongs.

(Ja.son's under the light blue blanket at the top of the screen)

Happy Gotcha Day, Jay. Mommy and daddy love you so much and are so thankful you are in our lives!

I've been doing a little checking, and it is all starting to make sense. These symptoms started after the boys were born...

From Endo Resolved website:

The most common symptoms of Endometriosis are:

• Pain before and during periods (check-for about a week before I start)
• Pain with intercourse (no)
• General, chronic pelvic pain throughout the month (yes-thought it was due to the stim medication and/or their after effects)
• Low back pain (yep)
• Heavy and/or irregular periods (for the first few days it is heavy, but it is pretty regular)
• Painful bowel movements, especially during menstruation (um, yes...good Lord, yes. always during AF)
• Painful urination during menstruation (no, but could this be the "UTI" symptoms I just had?)
• Fatigue (always, but this could just be from life in general)
• Infertility (sadly)
• Diarrhoea or constipation (both, depending on the day)

Other symptoms which are common with Endometriosis include:

• Headaches (yes-for days before I start AF)
• Low grade fevers (have had them in the past)
• Depression (um?)
• Hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar) (not that I am aware of)
• Anxiety (who me?)
• Susceptibility to infections, allergies (as a matter of fact, I break out in hives pretty much every month as AF begins. lasts for a few days before leaving.)

I'm thinking this laparoscopy idea is a good thing.