#Microblog Monday

We got an auto call from my children's school district. Registration for kindergarten starts on the 19th of January.

Holy crap.

I am SO not ready to send him to kindie.

~~~

Stop by Mel's for more #Microblog Monday posts.

Mostly Wordless Wednesday

He can't quite figure out how to do it without trying to drown himself.

Man, I love this kid!

Fun Times - Or Not

When you've have a child who struggles developmentally or physically, you end up going to a lot of doctor appointments. Often they are exams that spotlight yet another weakness or concern. (Even so called follow-up appointments have been eventful.) You just never know what the appointment will hold until you are there, which is annoyingly difficult to deal with for a planner like me; it's no surprise, then, that I've learned to really, really dread doctor appointments. I end up stressing about them for days beforehand. It's not exactly the healthiest way to deal with things, but my default behavior is to expect the worst and walk away surprise when nothing new is addressed.

Today was Jack's 2 year checkup. I have been a mess for days over it. I have worried myself into a state of freaking out over what might happen. What? I had no idea, but I figure it would be something. He doesn't talk enough. He doesn't walk/run/climb enough. He doesn't eat well enough. He's too big. He doesn't do something enough. Ugh. The possibilities were endless. Sigh.

As much as I don't actually live my day to day life as such, it is hard to shake that feeling of impending doom when it comes to all things medical.

Thankfully, it went well. He did have enough words. He walks/runs/climbs appropriately for a two year old. Picky is normal. Yes, he is the size of an average FOUR year old (can you freaking believe that?), but he's following his own growth curve and is fine. He was deemed fine, which my heart knew even if my brain has a form of doctor PTSD and believe it.

Next up on the doctor list are some big appointments for the big boys: neurology (another one I dread), orthopedic, orthotics for new AFO's, and an eval for water therapy. The worrying has already begun.

~~~

I woke up on Monday morning unable to turn my head. It took three Advils and a heating pad on my neck before I could even manage to get out of bed. It was awful.

I ended up having to go to the chiropractor that day, today, and will go back on Friday. I am hoping that will be enough to get me back to as normal as possible.

~~~

While I was lying on the couch, nursing my newly adjusted, yet still sore neck, Sh.awn took it upon himself to build a parking lot around me. He was about five cars into it when he torpedo threw a car. (This kid has a freakishly strong arm for throwing.) My sore neck prevented me from bobbing and weaving like normal. Before I even knew what happened, the metal die cast car hit me in the eye just under my brow bone.

OMG, you guys. My eye instantly swelled up and turned black and blue. The car actually cut me and made me bleed. Each day the bruise is getting bigger. (Now it is down the side of my eye and slightly under it.) It's still swollen and majorly sore even two days later.

Fun times.

Or not.

Not a Baby Anymore

I look at him and no longer see my little baby.

Now he's a full fledged rough and tumble boy.

These past 16 months have flown by so fast I'm still trying to catch my breath!

New Book

Always on the lookout to get this boy talking, Jack got a new picture book filled with animals today. He looked at it for quite a while--wearing this expression the entire time. Is it only me, or does he seem a bit overwhelmed?

Are you kidding me, woman?
You say I have to learn the names of all of these animals?
That's crazy talk!

Oh how my boys crack me up!

So Proud!

Ja.son finally got the chance to take out the new wheels for a spin. He made it about a quarter of the way around our block before needing a break. (It took Is.aac and I just under 10 minutes at a decent pace to walk 1/2 around it while pushing the stroller/carrying Ja.son.) After he rested some, he managed the last 1/4 of the block, too.
So proud!



Yeah, I'm cool with my new wheels!

Walking around the 'hood gets a thumbs up!

Taking a break to smell the roses. :-)

~~~

AND Jack added two spoken words to his vocabulary today ("yay" and "all done"). Does it count as two words when he signs and says the same word? (He doesn't say the word when he signs it, it's either one or the other.)

Weekend Leftovers (or I Never Get This Done on Friday Leftovers)

Thank you for all of your kind words. Truly. I read and reread them to help me gain my foothold on my expectations for Jack and remind me that what I was thinking before the appointment is not out of the "norm" for a fifteen month old.

To be honest, although it is mildly inconvenient that Jack doesn't yet walk, I have never really been all that worried about him mastering this milestone. I have a lot of experience with what is needed before walking happens. Let's face it, this has been my life for the last three plus years. Jack's approach to moving his body is vastly different than his brothers. I am not concerned that he will never walk. I am fairly certain that he will walk within the next month or so if it takes that long.

I told that to the pediatrician.

And if you think about it, why would he start to walk? He adores his two older brothers who both crawl around the house (without their walkers, which we just got this week, so yeah)...just like him. Why would it occur to him to want to do something other than what they are doing? It makes perfect sense that he'd take a little longer to walk with older crawlers as role models, especially when he has all the precursors but hasn't taken the plunge.

When it comes to the talking, he has two words (possibly a third that I didn't count because it isn't a consistent thing) and two signs. The ped did not count the signs as words, which... I don't know, but it seems like she SHOULD count that he signs. The screen said "says more than two words" so that's what was counted. Besides, the big boys talk like fifty hours a day. No one else gets a chance to say anything unless it is to answer one of their never ending questions. Again, he "talks" just not in a lot of recognizeable words. He "answers" me when I ask him questions. He "argues" at me when I tell him no. That seems pretty typical to me.

Maybe the pediatrician is being proactive. Maybe she thinks I want to be proactive. (I don't. I want to let him be who he is going to be without the pressure of constant scrutiny by people who are out to "help" him.) But damn if it isn't defeating when you think your kid is doing okay and a professional tells you that he is not because of some arbitrary sixteen month thresholds of "normal."

Yeah. The screen was for 16 months.

Even if I do think that this screen isn't an accurate description of Jack's abilities, it is crappy to hear someone--anyone--say something negative about my kid. (And I also have issues with them not releasing the questions for these stupid screens BEFORE they are expected to know skills so parents can work on all of this "expected" shit. Ugh.)

All of that is to say that I am off the edge and full of fight and fuck you indifference toward yet another medical professional. I just keep ticking them off of my list. That can't be good...

Sigh.

~~~

Me? Sensitive much?

Maybe.

I don't care, though.

~~~

Other highs and lows from the week: (I do have to say the week was a good week filled with mostly Highs!)

• My mom made it back from her trip this week. I missed her, and I'm glad she is home safe and sound. High!
• The boys had a fabulous 4th of July. It was so much fun to have them really enjoy the fireworks and festivities this year. In the past, it was just too much for them and wasn't very fun. High!
• We are having a lot of fun doing things from our Summer Bucket List. Next up is going out for breakfast tomorrow. We've never been out for breakfast before. High! (I hope.)
• Jack's appointment, which I thought was going to be a high but ended up as a low. Low.
• The weather has been beautiful here. While so many people are dealing with horrible triple digits, we've had nice, mellow days in the low 70's. Tomorrow is predicted at 72. Ahhh... High!

Check out Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Failed

Jack failed his 15 month screen today because he isn't walking (he will walk holding my one hand, but not independently) and doesn't have more words. If he doesn't drastically improve this month, they want us to have him evaluated by EI. I'm sad.

As much as I didn't want to be, it seems I am still desperate for him to be typical. I should have known better than to wish for that...it's almost a given that I won't get it.

Sometimes I think I have my shit all figured out...that I am okay...but things like this to throw me into a spiral. I know it doesn't change him or anything, but I am so tired of people pointing out every weakness in my kids -- makes me feel like I've failed them and fills me with guilt.

Mostly Wordless Wednesday

One of my favorite pictures so far...

Groovy new glasses!

Raising a Vampire or Something

(cross posted on the boys' blog)

Jack now officially has all of his teeth. So what does he do with them?

He bites, of course. And hard, too!

Here's my souvenir from tonight. He left me a love chomp on the shoulder. This picture was about two minutes after he did it. (It looks every prettier now--red, purple, and a bit raised.)

I would say that he learned his lesson from the stern no he received, but he went after my foot a few minutes later. I managed to escape his clutches before he connected.

Bite me once, shame on you. Bite me twice and I'm just stupid. Ahem.

On the bright side, it is good to see that his teeth are effective at their job. They should work just fine when he starts tearing into tri tip and chicken legs in the future.

By the way, this is one stage I'd like to fast forward through, thank you very much!

Wordless Wednesday - 14 Months

14 months old today. I say it every month, but here I go again. I just can't believe how fast this time is going. I want to slow it down and savor every second.

Notice the sock size. The boy is wearing 2T-3T socks.
And they are starting to get tight!

Man, I love this little guy!

Not the Kind of Parent I Thought I'd Be

Every child grows and learns at his or her own rate. All that really matters is that they learn. I get that, I really do. If I had a conversation with you on this very topic, I'd even give you anecdotes and research confirming the validity of that theory. Shoot, I've lived this idea with the big boys.

And yet, I have to confess that I can't quite break myself from the panic that sets in when Jack doesn't meet a given milestone by a given time. If a baby site (like the bu.mp's month by month emails) says kids at a certain age should be doing xyz, holy hell I work myself up to a frenzy if Jack hasn't yet done whatever it was. Apparently, I am hyper vigilant about milestones this time around.

As much as I try not to, I start to sweat if he is two seconds late on reaching any given achievement. (Except walking. I am not concerned that he doesn't yet walk. Odd, right? You'd think I'd be really anxious about that one, but alas it doesn't phase me at all.) I research online, type in annoying questions such as "my son is only saying momma and dada should I be concerned" or "my child won't wave bye-bye." Most of the time, I can rationalize the answer before I even type in the stupid question, but I just can't seem to stop myself from doing it anyway. Sigh.

This afternoon, I tried calling Jack by his name only to be completely ignored by him. Over and over. Cue freak out. Again.

Back to go.ogle I went. Sigh. Up popped all of kinds of 'warnings for autism' sites, and well...I freaked even more. I even ended up taking a quiz.

In the end, I took him to his room and called his name and he responded appropriately. I was HUGELY relieved. Like almost in tears relieved. I guess trying to test his response to his name while the television is playing Bub.ble Gup.pies might not have been the most accurate of tests. What a surprise that as a male he'll tune the female out if he is absorbed by the television.

Even with all that is going right with our family right now, I can't shake the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop. A shoe that scares me most is one that would land on Jack. It's not because I love him more, because I can honestly say I don't love him more than his brothers. I have a connection and bond to Jack that is unique, just as the connections I have to each of his brothers are unique. None of those connections is greater than the others. None of those connections are any weaker, either. They are different but the same, if that makes sense.

I'm not the kind of parent I thought I'd be. My fear has made me hesitant and unsure at times. I question myself more with Jack than I did with the big boys. With the big boys, I was in survival mode and called getting through the day a success. With Jack, I'm not in survival mode. I can't merely make it through the day and feel like I am doing a good job as a parent. I want to do everything right...make everything go well...and I am incredibly hard on myself when things are not as easy or natural as my head says they should be.

All of this, I suppose, highlights my desperate need for Jack to be that taste of "normalcy" in a world that is often flipped and turned and upside down. (Please understand that I do think of the big boys as "normal," too, but parenting them has been not always been easy or what I'd consider the "norm.") The thought of that "normalcy" being taken away brings a lump to my throat and knocks the air out of me.

I know that it is beyond unfair to him (and his brothers) to place this kind of responsibility on him, but I have. I also know that the whole idea of "normalcy" is a fallacy. What's normal to you, may not be to me and all of that jazz...

But, even though I know all of that, I feel the need for normal all the same.

The Weekend & Some Other Odds & Ends

• The party was a success. We had over 30 people here. The boys were rock stars. Food was great. Cupcakes were awesome. Yea!

He liked it!

• Poor Jack was a trooper. He came to me on Friday, spit blood at my feet, and proceeded to the carpet to lay down. All I could find is a molar had finally poked through the gums.
• On Saturday, a canine tooth on the opposite side was just about to break through the gum. The molar on that side was also swollen and red. (The canine broke through the gum today.)
• He was miserable with out his feel good juice. Thank goodness for our Tylenol equivalent!
• MIL, a not quite yet Jehovah's Witness, annoyed me by not bothering to even show on Saturday. She has managed to attend other birthday parties. Ugh. I am sort of over JW thing.
• Thank goodness I had this last week off to get things done. I would never have made it without having that week. Dude. I now remember why we don't throw more parties!
• I am still exhausted. And my hips hurt. Had to take a pain pill yesterday to help dull the pain enough for me to sleep. Will probably take another one tonight. Boo. I guess it is time to see a chiropractor soon.
• I have decided we need to get ourselves a maid to keep up with the regular cleaning. I just can't keep up with everything with work and the boys and everything. I have to tell you when given the choice to do something for the boys, or on the rare occasion do NOTHING, or clean the house, cleaning the house will always lose. I can't even tell you the last time I thoroughly cleaned the house. Maybe before Jack was born?
• Yes. Apparently, we are filthy pigs.
• No, we probably won't get a maid. A girl can dream, right?
• Jack had his one year appointment last week. 32.5" long. 23.14 pounds. The boy is big.
• He got three shots. He also peed on the nurse and doctor a total of three times. I think that was a fair trade, don't you? (It cracks me up that he got them three times when I haven't been peed on since he was less than a week old, and even then it was only one time!)

• We had a lovely Easter. The boys are at such a fun age. I'm loving this parenting thing. (I'd love it more if I could get Sh.awn to stop screaming, though. Jeez.)

• One more week of spring break. I think I am going to soak up as much relaxation as I can during this precious week!
• My Blogoversary is on the 15th. 5 years! Whoa.
• My birthday is on the 18th. 40 years! Double whoa.
• I'm freaking out about turning 40. Like a lot. Ugh.
• Not freaking out so much about the Blogoversary though. Go figure. :-)

Our BIG One is the BIG 1!

So here it is. The day our big one turns 1. I just can't believe it's already here.

Here Jack is looking all mature. I keep telling him
not to let his age go to his head. He doesn't look a day over
11 months.

I've got my hat on. Now it's time to par-tay.

Happy Birthday, Jack!
What do you think of your cake?

What's the matter, buddy? That's not a look of
happiness on that sweet face of yours.

That's called "frosting." It's really yummy. You should
put it in your mouth...and stop looking at it like it's
going to attack you!

Good idea. Maybe it will be better if you use your other hand.

He's not pleased with it on his right hand, either.
This kid is a tough one to please!

Not a fan of the white stuff.

Get it off, please. I don't like it!

Hm. Well, maybe it does taste okay.

The money shot of Jack and the cake.
Seriously. This is the only time he smiled!
Like I said, he is not a fan.

Well, maybe I'll try it again just to make sure I don't like it.

Yuck! NO! I don't like it!

But Jason sure does!

Jack later decided that he's a civilized young man.
He prefers a fork, thank you very much.

Cake is MUCH better that way.

All smiles after some yummy cake!
And then he threw up yummy cake. Oopsie.

It's presents time...
Jack is beyond thrilled!

It's time to open a present from grandma!
Jack could have cared less about gifts.
Jason, on the other hand, thought Jack was crazy for
not being more interested in the whole gift thing.

Jack by his gifts he got from mommy and daddy.

Oh wow! A shape sorter!

Look, mommy! It has doors that open!

Yea! An orange block.
You can get rid of the shape sorter, mommy.

A Weebles car!
Jason thinks he needs to check it out and make sure it works.

A bus!
Hey mommy, this is pretty cool.

But this orange block is the BEST!

Shawn's trying to tidy up the place. Jack is a sloppy
gift opener. (I have no idea where he gets that.)

Good big brother, Jason, is testing out Jack's new toys.
He tested them for the rest of the evening.
Now that is a dedicated big brother.

Mommy and Jack in his hat!

Daddy with Jack in his hat.

All tuckered out from his fun filled day.
He found that he just can't party like he used to when he was younger.

Happy Birthday, Jack! We love you very much!