Scheduled

Finally got my authorizations from the insurance company. Took them long enough! Actually, I got a total of 6 authorizations in the mail this afternoon...

apparently being "old" means you get to have loads of extra tests, etc. But it's not like I wasn't "old" the last time around, so I shouldn't be surprised.

The most shocking of the set was the authorization for a scheduled c-section. That one threw me a bit. Especially the part about it expiring on December 23, 2010. Um, I plan on being far, far, FAR away from a hospital and DELIVERY at that point. I plan on keeping this one in until at least the start of April!

Anyway, of note for the week is my Friday appointment with Dr. Doom. Not. Looking. Forward. To. It. Thankfully, Is.aac will be there as support. I plan on listening for a heart beat on my doppler before I go so I can at least remove that fear off the list of worries for the appointment. Ugh.

Did I say I am not looking forward to it?

My cerclage is scheduled for next Thursday. The auths came in too late for me to make it on this week's surgery schedule, so I am first up for next week. My pre-op appointment is on Tuesday. I admit that I will be glad when this little hurdle has been jumped!

I'll be back on Friday to update about the Doom visit. If you have any good vibes to spare, I'd surely appreciate them!

Doctor Updates :-)

I am home from work again today. I really should be doing something productive like grading or cleaning or something, but all I've managed to do this afternoon is sit on my butt and watch television while the boys nap.

Oh, I should count blogging as doing something. Go me. I AM being productive! Lol.

This morning, we headed out to the boys' biannual neurology appointment. Man, I hate these things with a passion. I get myself all worked up and end up suffering with my old friend IB for a few days afterward. No fun. But...

...but this time was different! (The IB part will be the same. The appointment itself was different!)

The doctor talked about how bright and personable both of the boys were. This time we heard words like "delighted" and "so impressed" and other such things! Yeah! At one point, the doctor was evaluating Sh.awn and he just stopped. He turned to look at me and said, "You know. I was very worried about this little guy being severely disabled. His tone was so stiff and he was so far behind developmentally even just last year. What I am seeing right now is nothing short of amazing. Really amazing." He then turned back to Sh.awn and continued the exam.

How about that to bring tears to an overly hormonal woman? It was all I could do to not just stop and cry right on the spot.

I still cry just thinking about those words.

Finally, someone in the medical field has seen what I've known all along...my boys are amazing in every sense of the word.

That is not to say that there are still not issues we need to overcome. There is still the problem of neither boy walking on his own yet. Sh.awn's walking/gross motor skills are only evaluating somewhere in the 11-12 month range. Ja.son is only about six months ahead of Sh.awn in that area. While I am not exactly thrilled that the lack of walking gets both boys the label of CP, it is what it is. If it will get them services and extra help then so be it. The doctor seems to feel that both will eventually get there.

In the end, that is really all that matters.

Uh, my heart is just overflowing with emotions right now!

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Yesterday I had my first OB appointment. Why is it that going into a room full of pregnant bellies is so hard? I mean, technically I am one of them now and it still stung. Will it ever go away? Will I be 70 years old and still feel that pang of hurt when I see a happily pregnant woman walk by me?

Sigh.

Anyway, I was called to the back rather quickly. (yeah) My weight is up 5 pounds from what it was this time last year. My blood pressure was textbook. All is looking good there.

When the OB came in, he found the heartbeat for me. It was a nice steady rate--well within normal range. He did not give me a reading for the bpm, though.

We talked about the cerclage. The OB gave me his thoughts. He said I didn't really need one if I didn't want one. A single pregnancy is much different from a twin pregnancy, so there was a good chance that my cervix would hold out until full time this time around. There is, however, no guarantee on that. So, I will be having a cerclage soon. The time frame for preventative cerclages is between 12 and 14 weeks. I will be 12 weeks on Saturday. Because there is really no reason to wait, I will have my surgery done as soon as next week. (insert mild freak out) They sent the authorization paperwork to my insurance company yesterday. We are just waiting for approval.

Don't get me wrong. I am not excited about the prospect of having surgery, especially while I am pregnant. But, because there is no guarantee that my cervix will hold (or was not damaged some by the last cerclage), I want to be as proactive as possible.

I want to do whatever I can to avoid another early delivery. I'd like to avoid bed rest this time, too.

The recovery for a preventative cerclage is relatively fast. They'll want me to take it easy for a couple of days post surgery--not bed rest exactly, just couch potato-ish. After that, I'll be able to return to my regular activities.

In the likelihood that I'll be having the cerclage placed next week, the OB wants me to stop Lovenox now. I am wildly afraid of stopping, though. I am nearly 12 weeks along (with the baby probably measuring more than 12 weeks at this point), and I did stop at 12 weeks when I was pregnant with the boys. I know there really shouldn't be any issues this time. But...it worries me anyway. Sigh.

As of tonight I will be Lovenox free. Yikes.

I'll keep you updated as I find out more information.

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The only negative on the entire appointment was that I have to do my prenatal screening with the dreaded Dr. Doom. I have all kinds of issues with seeing that man again, but there is no one else contracted by my insurance in the entire area. Anywhere.

I checked.

Is.aac tried to tell me that we are different patients now. We are not ones to be pushed around and frightened into doing things this time.

Ugh. I just...I just never want to see him again. Ever.

Blah.

Week's Highlights and Lowlights...

• I stayed home from work all day on Monday after the ultrasound. I had a bit of a sore throat, so I wanted to nurse it and give myself a chance to kick whatever was in my system. About thirty minutes into a wonderful sleep, I was awakened by the phone. The number was "private" so I assumed it was my OB's office calling me back to schedule an appointment. Nope. Instead, it was the defense investigator I was trying to avoid. Sigh. I am really torn about this issue. I liked my student, and I really want to help him if I can. But...and this is a big BUT, I am more than a little worried that this is going to be a big stressful ordeal. Anyway, I talked to the investigator for about an hour about my experiences with my student. In the end, she asked me point blank what I thought of him. I gave her my honest reaction (something on the lines of him doing a horrible and horrendous act but that my experiences with him didn't make me feel like he was a horrible person). The investigator said, "Oh, I like that!" which made me cringe a little inside. In fact, I cringed a little inside each time she said those words. I have the feeling that I am going to hear more from the defense as the trial gets closer.
• I also got the chance to make an OB appointment. The nurse scheduling the appointments kept harping on when my last menstrual period was and all of that. I kept telling her that my retrieval was 7/17 and that the LMP didn't matter in this case because I did IVF. For some reason she couldn't quite get that through her head. I finally settled and told her I was due in April. Sigh. I also told her that I would likely need a cerclage in a few weeks. Anyway, my OB is on vacation (why is it doctors are always on vacation????), so I was scheduled for my appointment on September 29. No biggie, right? I hung up the phone only to be called back a few minutes later. She asked me again what my LMP was (GRRR) and whether I had any previous pregnancies. Yes. Did I have complications? Yes. I listed them. Okay, she said. See you on the 29th. Five minutes later, she called back and said the doctor on call thought I needed to come in sooner. My appointment is now on the 21st. Lol. Think I scared them some?
• Is.aac went on a trip to Vegas with his buddy, Spawn of Satan as I have dubbed him, on Tuesday night. The boys and I flew solo from Tuesday morning until late Thursday night. I have to say that it went much better than I expected. I was worried about my lack of energy, but we did okay. :-)
• My poor neighbor sent me a frantic text on Tuesday afternoon. The tone of the text made me stop what I was doing and call her. She was in tears. Baby No.ah had developed yet another infection (at the time they thought the infection was in his blood stream heading toward his brain--it wasn't). She was so...lost. True to form, this latest setback was just days after some of his best days so far. Sigh. The NICU is notorious for that kind of crap. Anyway, I talked to her a bit and she settled down some. From what I understand, things have stabilized again for the little guy. They spent this weekend at the Ronald Mc.Donald House near the hospital.
• Thursday night was Back to School Night. OMG. Kicked my butt. Let's just say that Thursday ended up being a frozen waffles night for dinner. Man, I am glad my boys like them some frozen waffles.
• The parents were surprised to hear that my smallest class this year has 33 students. My largest class has 37 students. This is up from an average of 28 students last year. Got to love budget cuts...
• Yesterday, my niece and her husband came to visit. The plan was that they were going to stay the night here. My mom and brother (my niece's dad) came over for a BBQ. We had a nice time. At the last moment, though, my niece decided they were going to not stay with us and instead stay with friends in LA. I was totally okay with that, but damn if it wouldn't have been nice to know that tidbit before I spent the morning cleaning the spare bedroom.
• I am still so tired. I don't remember the fatigue with the boys. Of course, when I was pregnant with them, I could just nap whenever I wanted. Now, not so much. I miss napping...
• Today I am 11 weeks 1 day. Yeah!

All Was Right In My World

Little Bean was there. He/she was still when he/she first appeared on the screen. I panicked a tiny bit (or a lot) until the flicker of Bean's little heart caught my attention.

Apparently my little Bean likes mornings about as much as I do. :-) I have to admit I was glad when Bean finally woke up and did a few flips and wiggles for us.

Heart beat was steady at 144 bpm.

Arms, legs, and other appropriate parts for this gestational age were all accounted for.

Growth was still a week ahead. Bean measured in at 11w2d. (I grow 'em big?) RE said Bean looks perfect!

I got the okay to stop all estrogen and progesterone supplementation. I'll stay on the Lovenox for now.

I listened to the RE dictate my history for my OB before he released me to my OB's care.

I have to say that it is all sort of surreal.

And totally awesome.

Anxious Vent (Pg Related)

Wasn't able to find the heart beat.

I am bummed.

And nervous.

Trying to remind myself that it is still very early to hear the heart beat on doppler.

Not hearing it DOES NOT mean that the bean's heart is no longer beating.

It doesn't matter that I heard the heart beat at this time with the boys' pregnancy.

The baby is probably anterior and therefore will be harder to detect.

Sigh.

Counting the minutes until Monday morning. Please let there be the heart beat then.

A Little of This and That

I had to call and cancel the boys' neurology appointment for tomorrow. They are still pretty sick, and they don't like you to bring sick children to their office. So much for being doctors, right? Sigh. Their appointment was rescheduled for the 22nd. Now I just have longer to agonize and worry about things. Bleh.

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I did get an official call from the defense investigator on Wednesday. Of course the woman called during class, so I wasn't able to answer it. I haven't returned the call yet.

The subpoenas that were sent out (the third set so far) had today's date on them. Not a single person was called. From what I understand, they are still trying to figure out what to do with the jury, who are going to be shuttled in from another county. I can't see that they'd sequester them, as the trial is expected to take several months, but the extra two plus hours a DAY to get them to and from our court house will just plain suck for them. I guess things are on a holding pattern until they decide.

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Baby No.ah is holding his own. My poor neighbors are running themselves ragged trying to be at the hospital and at home with their other two boys. They feel the extra urgency to spend all the time they can with No.ah because he is still so medically fragile.

I've stayed away this week because the boys are sick. Once they are better, I need to get over there and bring her some food...something...anything.

Is.aac works at a nutritional supplement company (he does their marketing, research, and advertising), so he took them some of the daily vitamins. Is.aac swears that the stuff got him through our NICU days. I hope it helps them some.

--- (pregnancy stuff ahead)

Today I am 9 weeks 5 days pregnant. I have the start of quite a pooch right now. If fact, I swear it is much bigger than I was with the boys at this time of the game. My pants are getting tight, and it seems that my days of keeping things discreet may be coming to an end. I am not quite ready to tell the world, but at this rate, I maybe have a week or two left before it is VERY obvious on my frame that I am pregnant.

I have an ultrasound on Monday morning. It will be my last with the RE. I am hoping to get some reassurance that all is going well and little bean is growing as he/she should.

I almost broke down and called them today to move the u/s sooner. I had the tiniest bit of brown spotting today. It wasn't much really, but anything is enough to cause a panic in me. Couple that with the fact that I haven't felt as "sick" in the evenings and my mind has gone crazy. Sigh.

I am hoping that it was just my body's way of reminding me that missing my pill of prometrium yesterday was NOT. A. GOOD. IDEA.

I am trying to relax about things. Seriously.

Don't get me wrong, there are still symptoms. I wake at least once a night to go to the restroom. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, often I can't. I have also started to have what is either reflux or heartburn; I am not sure which. It feels a lot like there is a pressure? or fullness? in my chest when I lie down. Plus, there is the fatigue and lack of brain power that still plagues me.

And, dude. I am always hungry.

I think tonight I am going to pull out my doppler and see I can find anything. (I found the boys when I was just 10 weeks. Maybe I'll get lucky again?)

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We finally told our families. Is.aac's words to his mom: "Stacie is 9 weeks and 1 day... in the family way." I just about fell out of my chair. Family way? WTF? I had to laugh. He later said he was trying to rhyme. Um, yeah. For his mom, who is a second language learner. I am sure that went over well with her!

Telling my mom went a little better..."Mom, we have some interesting and exciting news. I think I might be 8 and half weeks pregnant." Lol.

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School continues to kick my butt. 'Nuff said about that.

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The comment of the week came from Ja.son. He was sitting on his naughty chair for being an utter pill. While there he yelled out, "I QUIT this place!" Sigh. I think I am in trouble.

A Plague Is Upon Us. Boo.

Nine days into the school year, and it seems I've brought home the first cold of the season. So far it has hit Ja.son hard. He's a coughing, nose running, BEAR. He is miserable, and boy are we all suffering too. Imagine my happiness to find that Sh.awn woke with a cough of his own. Sigh. This is going to be a long week.

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It looks like the trial is gearing up. I think the subpoenas that were sent out said for the witnesses to be available on Sept. 7. While I don't think they'll be ready to start at that point (there is some issues over what to do with the jury during the trial), it is getting close. They've had all summer to have a trial. That would have had the least amount of impact on all the poor students they'll be interviewing through the whole thing. But no. They wait until the kids (and teachers) are back in school. Let's traumatize their lives and cause even more disruption to their educational experience. It frustrates me to no end that they can't think of the other victims in this mess.

Somehow, the defense attorneys have found that I worked closely with Bra.n.don during his seventh grade year. I have heard through a few different people that they've asked about me. I flew under the radar for a long time because I wasn't actually at the school at the time of the incident. Because of that, not a single lawyer had contacted me. We shall see if I get contacted now. It seems the defense team is scrambling for character witnesses. I am not quite sure how I feel about it now. I guess I'll cross that bridge should I find myself there.

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The boys have a big, scary neurology appointment on Friday. Man. Out of all the specialists we see, nothing brings out the terror in me like the neurologist. Not looking forward to it at all.

I hope that my overactive imagination is proven wrong.

How Do You Spell Relief?

H-e-a-r-t-b-e-a-t!

There was one today! Yeah! The baby and everything else was looking just like it should. The heart rate was a strong 144 bpm. He/she was measuring 6 days ahead.

The RE told me to book an appointment with my OB for three weeks from now.

I go back in ten days. At that time, assuming all is well, he'll release me.

I am still pinching myself, it went that well.

Maybe, just maybe, I can let myself believe I'll get a live baby in a few months...

I might even be confident enough to tell our families!

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I wanted to give a public shout out to the wonderful, amazing, generous Sprogblogger. Thank you for sending me your unused Lovenox. With all of the trouble I've had trying to get my Lovenox prescription filled over the last few weeks, this has been such a blessing. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

If you have a minute, pop on over and send good wishes Sprogblogger's way as she embarks on a new path of the IF journey--parenthood. She's 39 weeks pregnant and expecting Thor any day now!

Thank you for the positive wishes for my neighbor's baby.

Baby No.ah has started dialysis, but not until after his parents were give the sickening option of pulling all support and "letting him pass in peace." Without trying anything.

Fortunately, when they pushed for dialysis, No.ah was moved to the Children's Hospital we use. He started dialysis and is doing worlds better in such a short time. He has also been placed on the transplant list.

While No.ah has several birth defects (PDA, kid.ney failure, clubbed foot), his family has always been told from the start that these issues are "fixable" and it is highly possible to life a fairly "normal" life. (What is "normal" anyway? I hate that term.) Suggesting that they remove support for No.ah has shaken them deeply. As you can imagine, they are now agonizing even more about whether they are making the best decisions for their baby.

Sigh.

The medical community can be so...challenging to navigate through.

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Tomorrow (Thursday) is my next ultrasound.

Please let there still be a strong heart beat....