Friday Night Leftovers

Santa brought me some eye shadow primer in my stocking. I had heard about it for the first time a few weeks ago and thought what the heck. My eye shadow goes AWOL after an hour or so, why not try this?

People, I put some of this stuff on and still had on eye shadow the next morning! Mind blown. Why did it take this lon for me to learn about this stuff?!

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Santa also brought everyone undies and toothbrushes in their stockings. My boys thought me getting undies was the funniest thing on the earth. Apparently only boys wear undies or something? I don't know. It cracked me up to hear them laugh at the idea.

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What is it about a toy belong to someone else that makes it all that more appealing to another child? I swear there have been epic fights about who gets to play with what. My boys have decided that sharing is for suckers. Sigh.

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Sh.awn looked and acted better yesterday, but has been more lethargic today. Thankfully the vomiting is gone. He's still resting a lot. His appetite is limited. Poor guy.

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Jack made a funny noise last night while he was in bed, so I went in to see what was going on. I found him like this...

He is lying across the short end of his crib--yes, he's still in the crib. He may be in it forever if I can swing it. The boy needs to be contained!--with his toys piled under his head as a makeshift pillow. Cracks me up!

Speaking of noises, this one has joined the ranks of the family's night talkers. He's started these random screaming episodes. When I run in there to check, he is passed out cold. I imagine the sleep walking and/or night terrors are going to follow for him, too. Bummer.

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For more Leftovers, stop by Danifred's.

Throwback Thursday - A Little Then and Now

Their first Christmas...

Our first family picture and the first time I got to hold them together.

Jason left, Shawn right
So itty bitty here. I think they were nearing 3.5 pounds.

And their 6th Christmas...

Shawn left, Jason right

It's mind blowing to see how big they are now! Sometimes I really need that reality check to remember just how far they've come. :)

Merry Christmas!

It has been a day here. Jeez. One boy throwing up and sick. Another made an unexpected escape through a not completely closed door. I finally found him across the street. (Scared the shit out of me! 3 minutes of pure terror, that's for sure. It did not help that as I walked out the door there was a car slowly drivig down the street. Thought the boy had just been kidnapped!) The third boy thought the day was fantastic until he fell and cut his ear on, of all things, a cardboard box. Sigh.

Still, we managed to have a good day overall, even Sh.awn, our sickie. Sh.awn has a few presents left to open tomorrow, which will extend the fun a little longer. Both Ja.son and Jack had a blast playing with their new toys. Is.aac and I have found a truce for right now, which is a most welcome reprieve from the bickering (and fighting). In a word, right now we are okay. That definitely makes me feel a lot better about things in general...funny how good days do that for you.

Anyway, from our house to yours,

Merry Christmas!

The big boys loved Santa this year!
I love this picture. It managed to capture
both their personalities perfectly!

Jack was torn. Santa's great from afar.
He's not as great when you're sitting on his lap
according to Jack. lol

Leftovers

Vacation is here. Vacation is here. I am so excited vacation is here! I go back to work on the 6th.

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For the last day of school I got the crazy idea to do a craft with my students. (I consider it a momentary lapse of judgment.) Most of my students don't normally get the chance to do things like this, so I went for it.

Not the least bit challenging, right?

I had everything counted out and put in snack baggies. I told the kids to leave the beads in the bags until they were going to use them because I was not going to give them more if they lost them. We were set.

First period went well. The kids were all over the ornament we made. Of course, the 10 minute craft ended up taking the entire 53 minutes to complete, but it was a success.

Then I got cocky. I had the supplies. Why not just do the project with all my students? Easy peasy.

Second period was not as smooth, but we managed. The kids needed a LOT of individual attention to get through, but I had a student aide in that class who was able to help me help the others.

Third period broke me. Oh man. I swear I had several out of body moments where I watched in shock and horror at how totally NOT smooth things went. At one point I sent Isaac a text asking him to kill me and put me out of my misery. Lol. Thank God I finally ran out of supplies so I didn't have to do the project with the other classes.

But just when I thought I was never going to do this kind of thing ever again, three boys came in after school asking me to help them finish their snowmen. They were so stinking proud of themselves. A fourth boy came to ask if I had any extra supplies so he could make one for his grandma. Sigh.

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Ja.son (and Is.aac) went to his little friend's house this evening. She invited him over so he could sing carols with her family. He had a blast until the girl's little brother bit Ja.son's hand. The drama.

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I have discovered  that Sh.awn is a crafting fool when I can do things one on one with him. I feel badly that I don't do things with him individually as often as I should. He thrives when he has the individual attention. He makes me crazy when I try to have them all do crafts at the same time.

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Jack stole a piece of broccoli off my plate this evening and ran off yelling "Christmas tree!!! Christmas tree!!!" Now I can't find where he put it the stupid thing. The thought of molding broccoli hidden somewhere in my house may drive me to drink. I bet I'll be smelling it in my dreams tonight!

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Things between Is.aac and I are strained. The weekend has been rough. I think we've pretty much fought after every conversation we've had. Fights about the big things. Fights about the small things (because really, a couple needs to fight about what to take over to someone's house for a potluck, right?). We can't even ask the other what he/she is doing without a fight. He's clearly stressed. I'm stressed about his work and trying to finish everything Christmas. (How is it that he never has to stress about Christmas shit?) Trying to be merry when you're not really feeling it is exhausting.

Fun times.

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I dreamt last night that my cat bit off her own tongue and left it on my pillow. Only instead of it being a small, rough cat tongue, it was a big fat tongue from a cow. What the fuck does something like that mean?

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We're going to try to go see Santa tomorrow. Wish us luck!

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For more Leftovers, stop by Danifred's.

Sigh

Yesterday was December 19; the day I imagine I would have delivered my miracle baby. As much as I try not to allow days like this to take their hold on me, this one was hard to shake. Oh to be snuggling a newborn, inhaling that new baby scent.

Today was December 20; the day Is.aac learned he will be officially laid off from his job of thirteen years as of December 31. I am beyond angry about all of it, as there were promises that this wouldn't happen. "Your job is secure until the end of 2014," they said earlier this month. Lies, all lies.

I think some would say that I should be grateful that I don't have a newborn baby to consider in the middle of all of this mess, that his layoff would be twice as devastating if we had to deal with me on maternity leave and him being out of work at the same time. They'd tell me that miscarrying that very wanted baby was part of a supreme being's plan...a blessing in disguise even.

I can't say those things though. I don't think I ever could say those things. To me, the timing of our due date and his lay off doesn't mean that not having one makes the other easier to digest. To the contrary, all they've done has made this week even shittier than it would have been otherwise.

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It is the really big events like these that point out how different Is.aac and I process and deal with things. It is hard for me to understand where he goes in that head of his. He says little and shares his thoughts and emotions even less. It's isolating for me and ends up magnifying my stress tenfold. I need immediate action, even if that means simply processing (aloud so I'm included would be nice). He sits and reflects, quietly turning possibilities over in his mind all while I lose my own because he just. won't. talk.

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I'm trying to put on a happy face for the boys. They are SO into the whole Christmas thing this year, loving it all--every discussion of Santa, crafts we've done, singing carols, finding that damn elf each morning, everything. Their anticipation is palpable, and I am enjoying watching them enjoy this season.

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Sigh. I keep trying to tell myself that things will be okay. I went right to work calculating money scenarios. With unemployment, it will definitely be tighter, but it won't break us. It will, however, affect my mom (she is our childcare and we pay her), and that has me more than a little stressed. She does rely on watching the boys.

I'm also trying to remember that this is the push he needed to actually find a job that will pay him what he's worth. He was underpaid in his current job. His loyalty to them made him unwilling to really fight to be paid what he was worth. As unsettling as this is, I hope it will be a good thing once we are on the other side.

But right now, things suck quite a bit. Merry Christmas, right?

Friday Night Leftovers on Saturday Again

I think this is the longest stretch I've gone without posting. I started a post last weekend, but it never made it out of my drafts folder. Sigh. Three more days until vacation. Hoping that gives me back a bit of my sanity, and I can get back into the swing of things.

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After weeks (months?) of Sh.awn doing well in school, they called us on Thursday to pick him up before the end of the school day. His regular aide was not there that day and there was apparently not an aide to replace her. (Don't get me started.)

Anyway, he had a woman they found off the street periodically helping him, but she had a heavy accent, was hard to understand, and didn't stay with him the entire time. Poor Sh.awn lost his shit. A second person they brought in to try to help him calm down was unsuccessful. So was his teacher. They called us to get him about an hour before the end of the day.

To say I was disheartened was an understatement. My poor boy. I felt so bad that he was so frustrated to the extreme that he was. :(

The teacher and I emailed back and forth and came up with a plan for the next day should his aide be out again. Is.aac also had gone in earlier than normal so he could go over some things with a replacement aide if there was one. (It's hard, because we don't know his aide will be gone until they arrive in the morning.) His teacher sent me this yesterday afternoon:

Shawn had a fantastic day today. (His aide) was out again, but we have done some problem solving on site to help with a change in aides. It was so helpful to have another site aide come into the room to give the sub aide a run down of how things worked. As a result, I was able to really focus on where Sh.awn needed to be and what academics he needed to work on with us. It's interesting because I'd say yesterday was one of the worst days, but today was one of his best!

Man, I am so thankful for this teacher. She is pretty amazing.

~~~

Academically, the boys are doing so well! Sh.awn is right where he should be and is sounding out words and reading simple books. He's understanding and doing well on the concepts they are working on in class. I am so proud of him!

Ja.son just about blew me away when he read Little Blue Truck to me Thursday night. I only helped him with a handful of words (words like "neigh" and "couldn't") as he read. Other than that, he rocked that book. Plus, he's decided that he must be the one to read me his homework directions for each page. He reads it all with little to no help, understands it, and applies what he's read. It has been awesome to see! When I told the teacher about Ja.son's reading the directions, I had to laugh at her response:

It is exciting news to hear Ja.son is reading directions. Just so you know, I often change the directions on our math work, so I'm taking this news as a warning that Ja.son will soon be working according to the directions, or he will be calling me out on the differences. Either way, it's a huge milestone, and I look forward to him figuring out the change!!!

Ha! It made me laugh. I can totally picture Ja.son telling her that she isn't doing the work "right."
~~~

I am slowly plugging away at my Christmas shopping. I think I have the boys mostly covered. Jack still needs a gift from Santa and the big boys need a shirt a piece. I think other than that, they are done.

I am struggling with what to get for Is.aac. If he doesn't figure out something different soon, he's going to get the old standby of clothes. It's not very exciting, but at least it's something, I guess.

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We are in the middle of yet another round of Sick. This one seems to be on the milder side, thankfully, but I am freaking tired of all of this. I hate that they are constantly sick. Besides, I know it is just a matter of time before I succumb to the germs myself.

Blah.

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I sent in my post for the Crème de la Crème. Yeah! Any guesses as to which one I sent?

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Three more days of school until vacation. Then I am free until the 6th. I. can't. wait!

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I finally got our Christmas cards! I love them! Now if they would only address and put themselves in envelopes, I would be in business.

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers.

Sunday Leftovers

So here we are in December. I swear it seems like time is flying.

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We had a nice Thanksgiving. It was quiet and full of wonderful family and food.

Then I promptly got sick Friday night. I am only just feeling better this evening. I hope that I contained the germs as much as possible. The thought of the crew getting sick, too, makes me want to cry.

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13 work day until my winter break. I cannot wait.

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Sigh. It hit me that in some alternate universe I could be having a baby this month--the 19th would have been the exact gestation I was with Jack when I had him. I wanted so badly for it to be a different reality for us right now. :(

Stupid body.

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Right after my miscarriage, one of the adult aides I work with told me she was pregnant and due the exact day I was due. (I think I mentioned it at the time?) It has been challenging to watch in real life time, mind you, a person's body changing the way you wanted to see your own body changing, but I managed the best I could. I thought I was doing okay with it even.

The facade lifted when she told me she was going out on maternity leave. I was (and am) SO relieved to not have to continue to watch the pregnancy progress any longer.

That is awful to admit, and I do feel guilty about it.

Still, it felt like salt being poured into my wounds every time I was around her.

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I was issued an iPad through work. The idea is for the teachers to have a chance to become acquainted with them before they roll iPads out to the students sometime next year. (Still on the fence about this topic.)

My boys are in hog heaven. Now they BOTH can play with the iPads at the same time. It has been so nice. (Only educational games and only for 10-15 minutes a day if they earn it.)

I'm not sure that is what work had in mind when they issued them, though.

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Stop by Danifred's for more Leftovers! (I'll link when I get back to my computer.)