Friday Night Leftovers on Saturday AGAIN - Medical Rant

I am royally upset with a bunch of medical people, in particular the boys' orthopedist and their medical equipment supplier. Their office NEVER sent in the authorizations for the boys' walkers. When I talked to the medical equipment supplier in January, they were waiting for this doctor to send in the auths so they could order them. I was told it would then take 6-8 weeks to get the walkers. All was set, so I went about waiting. My bad. I guess I have to call everyone and do their fucking jobs for them.

Apparently, the medical equipment supplier sent "something" to the orthopedist. The place the boys' files as pending while they waited for whatever the orthopedist office was supposed to do. The problem was that the orthopedist office never did the "something" the supplier needed. Do you know what happens when the doctors don't send the appropriate paperwork to the suppliers? Your files get buried, especially when your medical equipment supplier gets "busy."

And no, the medical equipment place did not follow through and find out why our file was still pending for three months. Hence they are also on the top of my list.

So, nothing had been ordered when I contacted the supplier in MARCH to find out where the hell the walkers were.

Cue ballistic behavior toward medical supplier and orthopedist office and lots of general angry talk to whomever I could contact.

Then it became an even more annoying mess when orthopedist wouldn't send in for authorizations because they didn't have the copies of the prescriptions they wrote for the walkers in the first place.

They did have copies. I MADE them make copies before I took the prescriptions (because I am not stupid and already didn't trust them back when we had that appointment). Sigh.

I had to fax the orthopedist the scripts (that they wrote) so they'd send in for the authorizations. Three times. I know I used the number they gave me, yet they kept saying they never got them. WTF?

They did, however, mysteriously find the prescriptions when the medical group got involved on our behalf with this stupid office AGAIN.

I finally got an authorization in the mail this last Monday. For Ja.son.

Just Ja.son. Because the damn orthopedist office didn't send one in for Sh.awn. Apparently two children sharing the same birthday is pretty CONFUCKINGFUSING. So what that they had two prescriptions with DIFFERENT NAMES on them.

I was told on Wednesday that the office was sending the auth to insurance that day. I'm still waiting for Sh.awn's auth.

I've been dealing with this nonsense since March. I am over it.

I am so tired of the constant mistakes. The oversights. The offices not doing their jobs to the point that I have to bend over backwards to do it for them.

The sad thing is that I am not arguing with the insurance company about getting things covered. I mean, that would at least be understandable. I can get not wanting to spend the money if they don't need something. But I have never had to fight with our insurance company for coverage of something for the boys. (patooey, spit, spit, knock, knock, and all of that. Don't want to jinx us.) Oh no. In fact, Ja.son's auth was approved the same day it was sent in.

My issue has always been with the doctor's offices, support agencies, and vendors. I just don't get why it has to be so hard all the fucking time!

Ugh.

Vent over.

For more Leftovers (probably from people in a better mood than I) stop by Danifred's.

I've Been Interviewed

I'm on Multiples and More today!

I have to admit to a small freak out when I got Amanda's email saying my interview would run. I worry that I say too much. I worry that I don't say enough.

Apparently, I just like to worry. Ahem.

Anyway, I'd love to know what you think.

A Lol and a Birthday Update

***My husband said I couldn't put this on the other blog, but I wanted to record it.***

Is.aac gave the boys their baths tonight. He took one boy our of the tub to go get him dressed. I went into the bathroom to watch the one still in the tub.

"Mommy!" the boy in the tub said. "I'm making a pillow for my penis so it can go to sleep!"

He was rolling up a torn off piece of the non slip mat in the tub. And yes, his penis was apparently what the boy dubbed as "wide awake."

I just about died from laughter.

These boys and the things they say crack me up!

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My birthday was nice with the exception of a little trouble we had at the boys' school. Thankfully, once that problem was solved, the night picked up again. :-)

Our family celebration was quiet, just how I like it. Plus, I got the woman of my dreams as a gift. I think I love her. (We all have had all kinds of fun getting to know Siri!)

All in all, I think it was a good way to ring in the new decade. You know, cause I had to do ring the decade in anyway.

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I'm still struggling with the idea of being 40, though. The more I think about it, the more I think the problems I'm having with this age has to do with its implication about my chances about having another baby.

We'd love to have another, yet with high fsh at the age of 34 and not seeking the help of a RE because I can't justify taking money that could be spent on the things we need for the boys, the chances of that happening now are rapidly declining.

The stats for a 40 year old suck by themselves.

The stats for a 40 year old (ugh) with my issues suck even more.

And well...I have to figure out how to get some peace with all of this.

Wordless Wednesday

The start of a beautiful friendship...

40

Today I am 40.

Holy hell.

How did that happen?

I am taking the day off of work, sending the boys to my mom's for the morning, and am just going to...

do something. What that something is, I am not entirely sure. I'm certain I'll have no trouble figuring it out soon enough. :-)

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I googled "40" a little bit ago. Wikipedia was kind enough to give me some interesting tidbits about this magic little number.

Forty is also:

• To understand a people, you must live among them for 40 days. ~Arabic proverb
• in the Saying "Life begins at forty"
• in the expression "forty winks", meaning a short sleep
• A song by Dave Matthews Band
• the number of years of marriage as the ruby wedding anniversary
• the code for direct dial international phone calls to Romania
• "40", a 1983 song by U2 from their album War
• the number of thieves in Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves and in Ali Shar and Zumurrud, from Thousand and One Nights (both the numbers 40 and 1001 are more likely to mean "many" than to indicate a specific number)
• the customary number of hours in a regular workweek
• the number of positions on a number of radio countdown programs, most notably American Top 40 and American Country Countdown.
• The number of weeks for an average term of pregnancy, counting from the woman’s last menstrual period.
• The letters of the word "forty" are in alphabetical order.

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I tend to like things very low key, so we won't do much to celebrate my birthday outside of a cake (made by me) and opening a present (I bought myself - Siri is finally mine!)

However, Ja.son is wildly excited for my birthday. He totally expects a jolly jump and a huge celebration. I feel bad that he's going to be disappointed.

I miss that childhood feeling of anticipation for my birthday. It made things so much more fun!

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Some friends of mine threw me a party on Saturday. 25 people brought food and presents! I was floored. I was definitely outside of my comfort zone as I do NOT like to be the center of attention, but it ended up being really nice.

I even had a good time! Go figure. :-)

A nice family and wonderful friends...I am so blessed!

It's My Blogoversary - 5 Years and Still Counting!

Three hundred million years ago, I wrote this:

My journey has been long and painful. I have learned a lot about fertility. More importantly, I have learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am also more determined than I ever thought I could be.

Okay, it was really just five years ago, although sometimes it sure does seem like it's been three hundred million years. At other times, those years seemed to have slipped by in a nanosecond.

I look at the words I wrote back then and laugh to myself. Oh, I was so naive. I thought I was strong, but I had no idea what it meant to be strong. Not really. Now I do, and to be honest, I don't consider myself strong any more. Sure, I do what needs to be done, but I don't think it is strength that drives me.

I thought I had learned a lot about myself. How could I know myself when my experiences up to that point had not scratched the surface? What did I know of hard? Of challenge? Of anything?

About the only thing I got right in those lines was that I am determined. Hell yes I am determined, probably to a fault. Maybe that is what keeps me going. I am too determined to do what I can to be happy. It's that determination that kept picking me up off the ground when things got rough.

There was no way to know when I wrote that post the path my life would take. There is no way I could fathom the experiences I we would face. We've stood on the peaks of such tremendous highs. We've been in the pit of despair more often than I'd like to count. In these last five years, I think we've lived it all.

I am definitely not the same person I was then. We are not the same people.

How could we be? We have been through SO much in those five years.

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5 years ago today, I started blogging. I had just started my period, about to embark on my third IVF--the one that ultimately brought me my boys--the next day.

Today, I sit here with not one, but THREE! handsome, amazing boys sleeping in their rooms.

I never doubt how really lucky I am. Even when things are incredibly challenging and nearly bring me to my breaking point, I remember that one thing.

I am fortunate.

The path to this place has not been easy.

But it has been so very worth it.

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Thank you for riding this ride with me. Thank you for your support, your prayers, and your good wishes. Thank you for reading and commenting...

Thank you for it all.

4 Years

The boys are in the early stage of a cold. Jack was fussy on Tuesday. I tried hard to believe that the runny nose he developed yesterday was "just" a teething symptom and nothing more. Sadly, Ja.son and Sh.awn woke up with stuffy noses today. I know they aren't teething, so there goes the hope that whatever this is was going to blow over quickly. Plus, Ja.son is also laying with a tub next to him as his tummy feels yucky.

Sigh. I guess the hour I spent sanitizing all of their toys after the party wasn't enough. I should have acted on my impulse to send away the 2 kids with runny noses at the party.

Them being sick could be considered a manifestation of my inner turmoil. Somehow I've managed to create a situation where I (and the boys) are suffering on the outside, like I am suffering on the inside, right?

Bleh.

Today is my dad's birthday.

We held his service on this day 4 years ago.

He's been on my mind lately...I've even cried a few times over the last few days. Once was even over pulling out the ping pong table for the party - it hit me that the last time we had used it was the last time he was at our house.

That thought hit out of the blue and has been hard to shake.

I was going to try to go out for lunch with my sister-friends today. Not sure if that will happen now. That makes me feel even sadder than I already was.

March for Babies

40 days from now, I will participate in my first March of Dimes March for Babies. I have to say that the prospect of participating makes me nervous. I've done pretty well with the whole bury your emotions and move on so you can function thing, and this...well, it just makes me worried that some of that crud will come rushing back. In public. And make me cry. In public. I do not like to cry, ESPECIALLY in public.

But it is time for me to focus on this worthy cause. I am quite certain that without the work of the March of Dimes, it is very possible likely that Shawn and Jason would not be here with us today.

Just thinking that thought makes me tear up. It reminds me just how many times we actually did think we'd lose them.

I am endlessly thankful to the March of Dimes. I want to give something back to the very organization that gave me SO much.
So many of you were here when we struggled through those very dark days. You have watched my boys beat some pretty serious odds and continue to fight on like the rock stars they are...

So I am asking for your help.

Our team goal is to raise $1000 to support the March of Dimes' research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and give babies the chance to begin healthy lives. It will also be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care (NICU), something that is very important to me.

Please consider donating to this very worthy cause. Anything will help. If you're not sure how much to donate, how about:

• $90.00? - to represent the length of Shawn's NICU stay
• Or $100.00 - to represent the length of Jason's NICU stay
• Or $12.00 - to represent the number of weeks early they were born
• $232.00 - to represent the number of weeks they've been a part of our lives!
• Anything you can contribute is welcome :-)

For more about why the March of Dimes March for Babies fundraiser is important to me, please read this post.

A Change for Tomorrow

I'm here in bed, listening to Is.aac snore away beside me. I've been thinking about something that happening earlier and feeling a bit guilty.

This evening, after I said something to Is.aac, a little parrot mimicked my words and tone exactly. (got to love how kids do that, no?) I was shocked to hear what I said and how my child perceived that I said it.

Do I really sound that way when I talk to my husband? Oh man, I hope not.

I didn't think I was being negative...but I heard nothing but negativity in the parrot's version. Negativity over something small and petty!

I don't want the boys to hear me talk to their dad that way. I don't want them to think that it's okay to talk to anyone like that, let alone someone you love. I'm embarrassed and feeling pretty horrible about it even now.

Ugh. It isn't pretty when a mirror is held up to your face and you don't like the reflection staring back at you.

Sigh. A few days ago I said that each day starts fresh. Evaluate and make changes daily. This is definitely something that needs to be changed.

The Weekend & Some Other Odds & Ends

• The party was a success. We had over 30 people here. The boys were rock stars. Food was great. Cupcakes were awesome. Yea!

He liked it!

• Poor Jack was a trooper. He came to me on Friday, spit blood at my feet, and proceeded to the carpet to lay down. All I could find is a molar had finally poked through the gums.
• On Saturday, a canine tooth on the opposite side was just about to break through the gum. The molar on that side was also swollen and red. (The canine broke through the gum today.)
• He was miserable with out his feel good juice. Thank goodness for our Tylenol equivalent!
• MIL, a not quite yet Jehovah's Witness, annoyed me by not bothering to even show on Saturday. She has managed to attend other birthday parties. Ugh. I am sort of over JW thing.
• Thank goodness I had this last week off to get things done. I would never have made it without having that week. Dude. I now remember why we don't throw more parties!
• I am still exhausted. And my hips hurt. Had to take a pain pill yesterday to help dull the pain enough for me to sleep. Will probably take another one tonight. Boo. I guess it is time to see a chiropractor soon.
• I have decided we need to get ourselves a maid to keep up with the regular cleaning. I just can't keep up with everything with work and the boys and everything. I have to tell you when given the choice to do something for the boys, or on the rare occasion do NOTHING, or clean the house, cleaning the house will always lose. I can't even tell you the last time I thoroughly cleaned the house. Maybe before Jack was born?
• Yes. Apparently, we are filthy pigs.
• No, we probably won't get a maid. A girl can dream, right?
• Jack had his one year appointment last week. 32.5" long. 23.14 pounds. The boy is big.
• He got three shots. He also peed on the nurse and doctor a total of three times. I think that was a fair trade, don't you? (It cracks me up that he got them three times when I haven't been peed on since he was less than a week old, and even then it was only one time!)

• We had a lovely Easter. The boys are at such a fun age. I'm loving this parenting thing. (I'd love it more if I could get Sh.awn to stop screaming, though. Jeez.)

• One more week of spring break. I think I am going to soak up as much relaxation as I can during this precious week!
• My Blogoversary is on the 15th. 5 years! Whoa.
• My birthday is on the 18th. 40 years! Double whoa.
• I'm freaking out about turning 40. Like a lot. Ugh.
• Not freaking out so much about the Blogoversary though. Go figure. :-)

A New Tradition

Only once a year, the night before Easter, jelly beans become magic.

Take some jelly beans...any will do. They all become magic the night before Easter!

Jason is checking out his magical jelly beans.
Tell me the story again, daddy!

Shawn isn't sure this is going to work.
"Magic" beans, mommy? Are you sure?

Plant the magic jelly beans in some dirt...

The first bean goes into the dirt...

And more beans...

Covering the beans up with dirt...

Time to add even more beans.
Can't ever have too much magic!

Daddy, are you sure this is going to work?

While you sleep, the Easter Bunny comes to bring your Easter baskets. If he sees you planted jelly beans, he'll wave his magic Easter basket over your dirt.

Voila!

Magic!

Look what's sprouted from our magic beans!*

I think the boys are going to be blown away when they see how their magic beans changed while they slept. :-)

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Brought to you from a link through Pintrest. We changed it up a little and added our own twist.

*These flower suckers are perfect! We found them at CVS.

Each Day Has a New Starting Point

A girlfriend of mine is trying to lose weight. She is doing an incredible job with her self control. (She's a foodie, so this has been quite hard for her.) Yesterday we went out to lunch, where I ate approximately 10,000 calories--complete with a free Oreo cookie ice creme sandwich--yet she ate a sensible meal and seemed just as satisfied as I was.
I told her she looked fabulous. What was her secret?

There is no "secret" of course. She weighs herself everyday. When she sees the consequence of the choices she made the day before (through weight gain), so she can adjust her day accordingly.

She treats each day as a new starting point.

Don't eat well and gain weight? Eat better the next day and lose it again. It's a constant back and forth.

It makes sense. Why wait a week, two weeks, a month before you check for progress toward a goal? By that time, it is possible to be so far off of the goal that it is easy to give up. I'll never be able to fix that now. Why bother?

This struck a chord with me.

I'm not interested in losing weight. I mean, I am blessed with genetics that have kept me slender. But, there are many things that I'd like to change.

Things that I'd do differently...especially ways that I've developed to avoid a whole lot of everything.

I just need to evaluate what I want/need every day and make changes when I fall back into the old way of doing things.

That is something I can do. I don't need to beat myself up because I've "failed." I'd be able to continually adjust and make things better each new day.

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I have started to experience some anxiety about Jack's party. I can't pinpoint anything concrete, but I know it's there.

Know how I know?

Because I couldn't bring myself to actually DO anything in preparation for the party. Um, yeah. It's on Saturday.

As in 5 days from now.

I let myself get so overwhelmed at the idea of doing this party that I just threw my hands in the air and gave up. Why bother? It won't go the way I'd want it to anyway...people won't have fun...no one will come...blah, blah, blah.

(Such hateful things I say to myself sometimes. I really am my own worst enemy.)

So today I took stock of what needed to be done. And started doing it.*

Tomorrow I'll evaluate where we are and what else needs to be done and readjust my starting point.

Maybe by Saturday we can have ourselves a par-tay. Well, if nothing else, they'll be able to eat cupcakes and sit. :-) I've got the basics covered.

*Thank goodness for two-day shipping!